Is it my fault that people I spent time caring for end up don’t remember me?
For context:
I was part of a hobbies social group for 10 years where I took the effort to get to know everyone who came and went, taken the special effort to be there to understand and sit with people going thru things in life, even mediate when there’s group conflict or drama. I show up for all socials, and took different roles throughout the years, whether it’s managing money, admin, sending emails, coordinating events, planning socials, keeping all the new and old acquaintances in the loop, etc..
I slowly distances and left the large group after feeling more lonely than ever. Why? A few things happened that broke my heart.
I felt I poured in so much time and effort in the group. I felt the members are like my home away from home. I want to make sure everyone felt included. But some things people say was really hurtful.
On events people change rsvp 30 min before the event or even during the event, or some people don’t rsvp at all, on events I had to book the venue appropriate for the size, cater food enough for the crowd, so it was really hard for me as organizer, so I just mentioned if everyone can be more considerate, and people said “Well it’s only because you wanted it.” And those who didn’t show up said “well you still had some people came.”
Some people told me “I’m not telling you anything. You just want to know my gossip.”
And some people, even though I had filled my whole calendar with following up on people, my weekends and free time attending all the events to spend time with people, and remembering people’s birthdays to celebrate them, and try to be there for each person.. at the end, they get married and invited everybody I knew but didn’t invite me to attend. This wasn’t just one or two, this was like several people, who didn’t even consider me an acquaintance, all those days and weeks I tried my best to go out and put myself out there.
I don’t know what I did wrong. I spent those 10 years trying to be there for everybody, and at the end it seems like nobody think I was their friend, and I didn’t even matter.
I wanted those years back. I could have been selfish and used all the time and money on myself, get good rest, buy stuff to pamper myself, not forcing myself to go to socials, and I’d rather stay home to watch a meaningful movie or a deep book, than to have wasted all that effort on other people that didn’t return my investment.
If anyone have a clue why did I end up like this, how have I done life wrong when I was doing everything to my understanding how to care about people.. did I had it all wrong.