r/infj

As the title states.

This is just a strange thought that I had pop up into my mind, but I had a part of my really young years where part of me was unsure if I was actually a human being or I was simply a robot or advanced artificial intelligence that thought it was a human being and imitated a human being, but really was not. Thinking about it now, if I were to only reference my own subjective perspective, I can't really say that is impossible, even though more external data would refute it.

As INFJs we tend to prioritize others before ourselves. If you have succeeded in pouring into your own cup vs others, how did you do it and do you still feel complete loving yourself instead of someone else?

Dear INFJs,

Do you have a fear of flying?
If yes, how do you navigate around this?

Additional question: how do you develop your Se?
I have put a good amount of my time developing my Ti and having a healthy Fe. Sometimes my Ni goes into overdrive mode and causes me so much anxiety.

For context: I’m an engineer, 28F, Asian. A lot of the anxiety definitely comes from cultural and family things but I’ve also noticed that if I spend too many days inside the house, I start to build the cocoon and want to stay there forever because the outside world becomes too unpredictable for me.

Thank you < 3

Just curious what other INFJs have been into lately

Something happened lately that really stuck with me while i was having a conversation with my gf about her anemia.

She was telling me about this drink that cures anemia. And me thinking that anemia can’t be cured (i was apparently wrong), I stated it during our conversation which really hurt her feelings and she called me insensitive because of it.
My intention of saying that is trying to be as truthful and honest as that’s how i always prefer anyone to treat me. Giving me the hard truth rather than sugarcoating or lying to me, but apparently, that wasn’t the right move and I’ve been feeling guilty about it for days now.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did u deal with it? I’m also curious if other INFJs suffer from this as well or if its just an individual thing.

Lately I’ve noticed something I can’t really explain clearly. In different social situations with different people, I sometimes feel like I catch similar reactions or expressions directed toward me, like quick glances or confused looks.

It’s not something I’m saying means anything specific, but it’s a repeating impression I’ve had over time with different people, and I’m trying to understand if others ever notice things like that too or if it’s just normal social perception getting over-analyzed.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

I feel fairly confident that Ni is my dominant function. The way I make connections, look at the bigger picture, and focus on abstract ideas fit the way it is described, and this is a big factor in my thinking processes.

I considered that I might be an INFJ, but I don't fully relate to Fe. I do take into account other people's emotions and I relate to being "people-pleasing," but the rest of what I've read doesn't fit me at all.
I have very poor social skills and I cannot read social cues or body language. I come off as cold or rude without meaning to. While I do care deeply about other people's emotions, it doesn't seem that way to other people. Also, I usually can't even tell what other people's emotions are unless they tell me. A lot of this is probably a result of being on the autism spectrum, so I'm not sure if that would influence my type or not.

One of my friends suggested that I might be an INTJ, but I don't believe I have the typical Te focus of efficiency and productivity in my decisions.

I am aware that some of my reasons why I don't have these functions may be based in stereotypes, so I'm open to correction and better education about the functions.

Is there something I'm assuming or overlooking here?

I don’t really know how to describe how I feel, but I’ve felt like this almost my whole life.

It’s like my purpose is to be here for others in some way. Like I’m not relevant in my life, if that makes sense?

Also I’m not sure if this is even an INFJ thing. I’m just asking this in the hopes I’m not the only one. Perhaps it’s something relatable?

I had a strange experience tonight and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.

My ex of almost 13 years called to check in on me because my mental health has been in a really poor state lately. He actually had a migraine and had to get off the phone, but before he hung up he said, “Don’t kill yourself.”

I just said “thanks” and we got off the phone, but afterwards I started crying.

The thing is, he’s never said anything like that to me before. He’s someone who knows me very deeply and has known me for most of my adult life. He’s also very emotionally expressive and intuitive, whereas I’m the complete opposite. I tend to suppress my feelings, compartmentalise everything, and keep going no matter how much I’m carrying.

Hearing him say something so simple felt almost groundbreaking. It wasn’t the words themselves, but the fact that somebody who knows me so well could see how badly I’ve been struggling before I fully admitted it to myself.

It felt like permission to feel.

I’ve spent so long being the silent warrior and pushing through things that I think some of the armour finally cracked tonight. I cried, I reached out to a close friend, and I realised how much pain I’ve been quietly carrying.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here. Maybe I’m just wondering whether anyone else has had a moment where someone else’s concern made you realise the extent of your own pain.

This is how I’ve always viewed the INFJ imagination. We have this ability to project beauty even on the most broken pieces of life… if we choose to.

That’s because our minds never stop thinking, scanning, searching... it’s almost like an addiction to thought. 🙃

Most of us scan people in person when we first meet them to decide whether to approach or keep our distance. But how about online behavior?

How many of you tend to "visualize" the people behind online comments just by looking at their nickname?
Do you, out of nowhere, start picturing how they act in real life, what they look like or the sound of their voice?

And because I know I am a “walking contradiction”, for me, this is like a puzzle that my brain tries to solve in real time.
It’s quite fun, especially when I become aware of it and start putting the pieces together using logic or thinking what face and what microexpressions would match the comment someone left.

I need to give that voice, that energy a physical form or at least a metaphor to anchor it. It feels like I can’t just interact with a robotic “voice” on my phone (we have Siri for that and I’m not using it).

Does this happen to you too?

P.S.: I’ve posted this on another sub and now I’d like to “hear” a second opinion: your opinion.

When someone enters my attentional space for a while, I can't help but spend a LOT of time investigating and reflecting on their "essence". As a result, I often develop (what I perceive to be) a strong understanding of them as a person, which tends to translate into attachment. In this context, it's easy to forgive bad qualities because it's clear how these fit into their broader story; the question arises "how can you be otherwise?"

In short, understanding serves as a vehicle for acceptance and, in turn, love.

As a result, I have fallen for widely varying personalities-- from bubbly nice guys to sadists.

Anyone else relate?

I know this is a stereotype for INFJs, but I wondered if some of you actually pursued this career path and whether you're happy or regret it. In general, I'm interested what your attitude towards it is.

I personally fell in love with psychology when I was in high school when we had the subject for the first time and realized I've always been interested in understanding human behavior.

Luckily, my parents supported me and I first studied cognitive psychology (B.Sc.), then cognitive neuroscience (M.Sc.) and now I'm towards the end of my PhD in developmental psychology. I honestly never thought I'll get to a PhD level because I wouldn't say I'm very scientifically oriented, but now I've grown to like doing research and I'm even considering a PostDoc. The downside is that if I pursue that route, the only option for me would be to become a Professor, which is almost impossible to do where I currently am and I also don't see myself being one.

On the side, I've started a logotherapy course (still got 2 years left out of 4 to finish it) and I absolutely love the philosophy behind this type of therapy. Funnily enough, I ended up attracting clients who are the exact opposite of what I wanted - essentially people like my parents who have communication problems and are either separated or going through a tough time.

All in all, being a psychologist and a therapist is not what I expected, and although I was frustrated at first with how things are, now I'm beginning to enjoy doing what I do and I'm hopeful for the future.

I was wondering, why is the INFJ 5w4 not INTJ? If I understand correctly, the INXJ type, above all, is the type for - the artist or seer/mystic as mentioned by Jung. So, regardless of the secondary functions, both INTJ and INFJ are driven by their artistic, that is to say, perceiving visions.

But when adding the wing, 5w4, to the Ni, the desire to integrate logical (or scientific) analysis with the creative analysis, naturally aligns with the preference for "thinking" to support Ni over "feeling".

Whereas, an INFJ naturally prefers his aesthetical analysis over logical analysis. This kinda leads to a more "existential" approach to the universe over logical analysis (propositional facts). Doesn't mean, he cannot have a good logical or scientific grasp, but he simply does not care. By the time an INFJ would stop caring about the moral problems, he would already be getting closer to INTJ.

INFJs, what is your goal in life?

For me it is to make a difference, to leave a positive, meaningful and lasting impact in the world. Still not sure how I am going to do that yet though, what that will look like.

I feel like I can't respond or react with my genuine intention or feelings when someone does something nice for me. For example, when my friend gives me a gift and I really like it, inside, I feel very thankful and happy but it doesn't show instantly. So I feel like I have to 'act' to be very happy and grateful even though I actually feel very happy and grateful. Its like a 3 step process.

1.someone does something nice for me

2.I feel very happy and grateful inside

3.After deciding how to react, I let it outside, trying to be more thankful and genuine

I always do this, and I always feel like my reaction wasn't enough. I also do this when hearing compliments, casual talking etc.. many people told me that my responds/reactions to things didnt feel genuine😓 and I feel really bad because I actually felt that way. I feel so confused because other people seems like they react instantly, perfectly delivering how they feel about it. Is anyone else like this?

I have given thoughts on the opposite side of what I consider my usual or “normal” spectrum personalities or identities. I give them distinct names / titles and sometimes act as if they are talking to me or influence my behaviors and traits. Does anyone else do this or am I just weirder than other INFJs?

35M, married, and my wife is pregnant with our first on the way. Over the last 18 months I’ve essentially lost patience with a lot of “friends” I’ve had since high school and college.

After a ton of reflection I’ve come to the conclusion that I haven’t been treated well for what’s probably been a long time. Behaviors and actions I’ve historically brushed off are all now coming to a head with the realization that maybe these people never really should have been my friends in the first place. Did I ignore warning signs for years out of fear of losing friend groups due to potential fallouts?

It’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’m starting to feel like the values I am now seeking (and should have always sought) aren’t going to come from the people I currently think of as my friends.

It’s been sort of depressing coming to this realization but through some therapy I’ve been advised that it’s a form of healing and resetting which I’m about to embrace. I can’t help but feel a little bit sad though that I need to start over and that I could have enjoyed more meaningful friendships had I made changes earlier. It is what it is though.

Can anyone else relate? How did it go for you?