u/rinnnnnnnnnn10

Just wondering. I'm an INFJ and there's A LOT I would want to do. I'm imagining doing this BIG PROJECT first in my province. I don't know how this would work but I'd beautify all the houses in my city. Give each family homes a budget to rebuild their house into something comfortable and beautiful. And then the streets/roads. Totally clean up and polish the city. And after those basic things I'll move on to building some community buildings. Fishing, agriculture, libraries, and such. Something like that. I wanna of course have a business. Maybe I'll finally fulfill my dream of building historical-fantasy kinda themed village. Sighhh. Of course I'll enjoy my time with my family too! (P.S. Dreaming is free so please let me be!)

Pardon the simple question. I just really wanna talk to you guys.

Hobbies, interests... and such. (Long read, you don't have to read it.)

I read but not much, just topics that interest me. I read romance, fantasy, and mystery novels for fiction. (I'm mostly fond of Sherlock Holmes). I read self-improvement books for non-fiction. (My favorite is the book The Courage to be Disliked).

I write but mostly journals, diaries, and poems. I just love writing down my unending thoughts.

I love love love cooking. I cook for my sister every evening. There's just a sense of contentment and happiness inside me when I cook, especially when it turns out delicious, and the people who ate it are very satisfied and happy.

I also love singing, even though I don't sing well. My voice has a low pitch and I can't reach high notes. So, I especially like singing Laufey, Lana Del Ray, The Carpenters, Allison Young (PMJ), and some Haley Reinhart (PMJ) songs. Or any low-range songs.

I love listening to music. I can travel for 7 hours on a bus with a nature landscape and have the music on my earphones, and I would never sleep all throughout the ride. I'd enjoy every bit of the songs and thoughts until I arrive at my destination.

I love the nature. But I'm also scared of nature. I'm scared of the night, even though I like the stars and the moon. I like trees, I love climbing trees, but I'm afraid of lizards, so I just admire from afar.

History interests me. Just the specific parts of, though, this is still new to me. But I can deep dive into a particular topic for hours, all through googling, reading articles, watching videos, and reading texts.

I like watching anime, reading manhwas, and playing games. Anime, I don't have time for it now, but I am a geek for just some of it. I still read Manhwas from time to time, transmigration and reincarnation stories will never cease to keep me hooked, no matter how repetitive it tends to be. I only play mobile games, and I end up uninstalling them after, to stop myself from getting to addicted.

There are hobbies that interest me, but I have no way of learning or being near them, such as ice skating, pottery, team sports games, sewing, and traditional dancing. Once I have my own money, time and resources, I hope I can finally be able to access them in the future.

That's all so far. There's more but that's all I can think of right now.

What's yours?

I have no self-control.

I know what I should do, and I want to do it, but I don't.

I become focused and motivated for 2 days.

And then I forget all about it after. I even forget I would literally break if I don't achieve what I wanna do.

I torment myself after.

It's a never-ending loop.

I've tried everything.

I don't know how to get out of this.

Right now I have a crush, on this guy (we're good friends), but I think I have become utterly and entirely embarrassing and weird I think to the point that my crush became weirded out by me 🥲 I honestly don't know what to do or what he thinks or what people think and my mind has been going on a spiral:

1. I Message them randomly AND frequently. Even if I have nothing to share or say AT ALL. If they ask me why I DMed I just end up telling them, "nothing." I would text them at 12 or even 3am, on random weekends, or whenever I just thought of him.

2. Whenever he needs something, I'LL BE THERE. Whatever he needs, I'LL GIVE IT. Whether it was attention, listening ears, food, idk whatever it was. I have been born in a family that is quite more financially stable than his. So, I would ask him to hang out and I would pay for it. He was okay with it at first but eventually he tells me he does NOT like it and he says he'd rather not hang out with me than making me pay for his snacks.

3. I would always ask him to hang out with me. I ask him to go on jogs with me, have a sit or walk in the parks, do my assignments with me, walking home with me, do projects together,... Wherever. As much as possible. Even on video calls, no matter what time it is. If he doesn't have anything to do (which he usually doesn't) he'd always go with it or whatever I say.

4. Physical touch. Nothing extreme, just light shoulder taps or I would hold his arm when we're walking or sometimes run my fingers through his hair. I noticed that he would sometimes flinch or move away from me so I figured he hated it. I stopped, toned it down, or completely avoid intentionally doing it from now on. (Though I'm naturally clingy with my friends so I wouldn't notice sometimes but when I do I immediately avoid being close).

Also let me just add, I got very drunk around him once (he doesn't drink) and I just went crazy and upfront about him all night like I showered him with compliments telling and would hold his hand (even when he was avoiding it). 😭 I apologized in the morning.

Am I being too weird? Too much? I genuinely feel like he's repulsive towards me. What made me think he's weirded out by me is when he moves away whenever I'm close, or when he stopped accepting the things I give him. I feel a bit stupid for my actions 😭🥲 What should I do?