u/According-Cable-6551

I finally told my infj friend that I’ve had feelings for her for a while. It was an extremely gentle, respectful conversation. She said she is currently happy being single and doesnt have fuel in her tank to date anyone; I said I have known that (she had talked about it before) and that I wasnt trying to convince her to change her mind. I said I was telling her just to be honest about my feelings, coz it was starting to feel wrong to hide them. We apologised to one another several times during that conversation - me if i made her feel awkward or weird and her coz it must have been disappointing for me to hear.

She handled it with a lot of care and gentleness. She said if I needed anything in the next little while, whether its taking some distance, to just let her know. And that I can come talk to her if theres any mixed signals. I told her i will have to work on putting her firmly in the friend box but my feelings are mine to manage, that she doesnt have to worry about that.

We didnt text each other after that day. Its been a few weeks. I do want her in my life as a friend because I respect and value her as a person and a friend. Also I dont want to disappear completely coz i dont want her to think i was only her friend because of ulterior motive of dating her- i wasnt. I am taking space to work on getting over my feelings, but I am someone who doesnt get over people easily. So Im wondering how to be friends with her, coz if i wait for my feelings to fully go away, the silence will stretch on for a while and lead to an eventual fade out of the friendship. I also dont know how long she would want space for, coz I dont want to crowd her or seem like a creep.

Any suggestions appreciated.

If an INFJ calls you ‘friend’ in texts / in person is that to reinforce a platonic boundary? E.g. Hi Friend! Or Thanks friend!

I have fallen hopelessly for an infj friend. I am trying to figure out if she also has feelings or is just being a warm infj friend. Particularly coz she takes days (particularly during busy work phases or recently when she moved) to reply- the longest has been two weeks- and she replied after i sent a gentle check in. She keeps initiating catch ups- last two dinners, and recently she asked if i wanted to go on a walk together.

We do send each other multiple text threads that are quite long, almost note-like, so i do understand that they require time and effort to sit down and properly reply. But i keep wondering if her lack of urgency means that she only sees me as a friend and has zero feelings.

Bit more context- We met six months ago. In a short span of time we have discussed intensely personal meaningful vulnerable topics. In person she seems so warm and gentle- she is 100% there, we have had some charged moments that made me think this is beyond casual “buddy” energy. She remembers tiny details about me months later and tracks my mental and physical wellbeing.

I am confused- do her immensely slow replies mean she only sees me as a friend? Also, when she asked to go on a walk in her last set of txts i suggested a late afternoon scenic one which may have come across as a bit date-y. Did that scare her and is that why she has gone quiet?

I have fallen hopelessly for an infj friend. I am trying to figure out if she also has feelings or is just being a warm infj friend. Particularly coz she takes days (particularly during busy work phases or recently when she moved) to reply- the longest has been two weeks- and she replied after i sent a gentle check in. She keeps initiating catch ups- last two dinners, and recently she asked if i wanted to go on a walk together.

We do send each other multiple text threads that are quite long, almost note-like, so i do understand that they require time and effort to sit down and properly reply. But i keep wondering if her lack of urgency means that she only sees me as a friend and has zero feelings.

Bit more context- We met six months ago. In a short span of time we have discussed intensely personal meaningful vulnerable topics. In person she seems so warm and gentle- she is 100% there, we have had some charged moments that made me think this is beyond casual “buddy” energy. She remembers tiny details about me months later and tracks my mental and physical wellbeing.

I am confused- do her immensely slow replies mean she only sees me as a friend? Also, when she asked to go on a walk in her last set of txts i suggested a late afternoon scenic one which may have come across as a bit date-y. Did that scare her and is that why she has gone quiet?

Edit: Thank you all the infjs in the comments for your insights! I really appreciate the perspective. I saw a lot of advice was around having a conversation with her. I am planning to tell her how I feel when I see her (hopefully on our walk), but in the meantime I just wanted to understand if the texting patterns mean anything. Also, I really care about her as a friend and her feelings. So I want to be careful when laying out my feelings so as not to overwhelm her or cause the friendship to break down. Coz I think we both value each other a lot and have lost close friends in the past (albeit due to different reasons).

Same table, opposite ends,
Shards in my heart, ‘cause “We’re just friends”
I see your soul, and you see mine,
Are friends this gentle when things arent fine?
I yearn for you to just reach over,
To take my hand, make the time go slower,
It breaks my heart as i smile through the pain,
Watching you explain to me once again,
How alone is better, how your walls got so high,
Your eyes gently closing the door, “you better not try”
I smile and nod and wryly agree,
“Truly, love is torture of the worst degree!”
All the while holding you gently in an imaginary embrace,
You feel it too, you see it on my face,
Yet we pretend, as the hours pass us by,
That friends are this tender, a plain white lie,
Why do you call me “protective”, then?
When I pull you out of harms way,
None of my friends ever name my care,
None ask me over and over, “are you okay?”
I guess Ill agree, Im your friend,
You watch me love you, Ill watch you pretend.

Same table, opposite ends,
Shards in my heart, ‘cause “We’re just friends”
I see your soul, and you see mine,
Are friends this gentle when things arent fine?
I yearn for you to just reach over,
To take my hand, make the time go slower,
It breaks my heart as i smile through the pain,
Watching you explain to me once again,
How alone is better, how your walls got so high,
Your eyes gently closing the door, “you better not try”
I smile and nod and wryly agree,
“Truly, love is torture of the worst degree!”
All the while holding you gently in an imaginary embrace,
You feel it too, you see it on my face,
Yet we pretend, as the hours pass us by,
That friends are this tender, a plain white lie,
Why do you call me “protective”, then?
When I pull you out of harms way,
None of my friends ever name my care,
None ask me over and over, “are you okay?”
I guess Ill agree, Im your friend,
You watch me love you, Ill watch you pretend.

Same table, opposite ends,
Shards in my heart, ‘cause “We’re just friends”
I see your soul, and you see mine,
Are friends this gentle when things arent fine?
I yearn for you to just reach over,
To take my hand, make the time go slower,
It breaks my heart as i smile through the pain,
Watching you explain to me once again,
How alone is better, how your walls got so high,
Your eyes gently closing the door, “you better not try”
I smile and nod and wryly agree,
Love is a waste of time, torture of the worst degree!
All the while holding you gently in an imaginary embrace,
You feel it too, you see it on my face,
Yet we pretend, as the hours pass us by,
That friends are this tender, a plain white lie,
Why do you call me “protective”, then?
When I pull you out of harms way,
None of my friends ever name my care,
None ask me over and over, “are you okay?”
I guess Ill agree, im your friend,
You watch me love you, ill watch you pretend.

I have been single for about three years now, Im 34, and I feel like I have wasted my early 30s not looking for something casual while I wasnt really looking for a serious relationship. I am currently in love with someone who doesnt feel the same way about me, and somehow that has made me want to seek casual sex and hookups even more. Trouble is finding sapphics in Sydney who want the same! Not many people on dating apps seem to want hookups. And I am not big on clubbing so I am just finding it a bit frustrating to find someone who wants the same thing! Where do Sydney lesbians go for hookups??!!

I met this girl a few months ago at a community event. We have hung out at a few events and also one on one several times, the most recent one was a dinner which went really well. The chemistry is amazing, she even complimented me “you smell good”, walked me to my transport at the end of the night. We have talked about a lot of deep topics both in person and on text (therapy, exes, conflict resolution styles, introducing partners to family, wanting / not wanting kids etc.). Overall she is amazing and i think we both tick all the boxes for each other and are at the same life stage (in our 30s). Only trouble is, her texting style really throws me off. She usually takes 3-5 days to reply (sometimes its much quicker, like for a time sensitive text for scheduling etc she will respond immediately). But recently her life has been a bit chaotic. So she replied to a text after a week, apologised for disappearing, and said we should “catch up next week if you like”. I said cool, and suggested a couple options. She then disappeared for two weeks. I thought im going to text one last time coz i genuinely think this is a rare connection. I sent a low pressure check in. She replied within an hour with multiple text bubbles responding to each thread from before, apologising for disappearing and said she still wants to catch up. I replied the next day, my usual texting rhythm. Its been four days and i havent heard back. Im starting to wonder if she is just not interested/ avoidant/ both/ something else? She comes across as someone earnest, is sweet, attentive, will ask questions and build on threads almost sending “note-like” texts. But the slow texting is really throwing me off. I want to be straightforward and tell her i like her, but the constant speed bumps make me wonder if I should at all! Any thoughts would be appreciated!