r/ActualLesbiansOver25

I’ll try to be brief with context, I’m just really torn and my head is a mess rn. Need advice from fellow adult lesbians. Should I bring her?

Relationship context: we’ve been together for 4.5 years and she’s met my family including my grandfather. They love her. But we’ve been fighting for several months and are in couples therapy and doing better but not out of the woods. I want her to be my forever partner but I can’t say for sure we won’t break up. I just really really want her support rn. I dont know if i can do this alone

Family context: my immediate family and my closer extended family know and love her. She hasn’t met all of my more extended family tho and idk how homophobic they might be. My grandfather was very religious and historically homophobic but ultimately accepted me and us. I also dont know if it would upset any of his friends or like if it’s bad to bring her to a funeral in a Catholic Church generally?

I would of course check in with both her and my family and prob keep her out of the smaller more intimate family moments but I just want external thoughts first on whether I should even ask

We are still friends. Its just such a feeling. I wish, i hope, before i reach 40, i can find my person, for real next time.

Hi all, I’ve been very isolated and I’m gonna try to be brave and engage directly with the community more... 🙈

I’ve been thinking about making an attempt at producing some (non-explicit) sapphic roleplay-styled audio recordings.

It would be primarily masc speaker and femme listener. I guess I’m kinda just curiously gauging interest on here, lol… I suppose I would be more comfortable starting out sharing them via Reddit.

I’ve been told I have a bit of a knack for voice acting, and it’s something I’ve always wanted to try for fun.

This would fulfill both a personal/emotional and creative outlet for me, too.

The first theme I’ve been considering writing up a script for and recording would be something like a masc orc warrior x femme elf healer/mage narrative.

I’d love to know if this would be the type of thing you’d enjoy.

I often listen to some really great audios, myself, and I realized it could be a fun thing to do while working on my writing and voice acting abilities.

I’d love to know what you think, or even just a bit of encouragement or suggestions. Thanks for reading! 🥰

(Please let me know if posting this technically breaks rule 7 😅)

و مفكره اسوي كروب يجمعنا كلنا ف شنو رايكم ؟

My wife (36) has been having a rough time mental health wise recently. She's worked extensively with a therapist and is starting to come out the other side. Hooray! I'm so happy for her and also us as a couple. It's been hard.

One of the things her anxiety has super attached to is sex. Mostly never addressed things from past relationships.

I really miss her and feeling close to her.

We've been married for 6 years and sex has been a pretty rare occurrence because life has a way of... being life. That's okay, neither of us were overly bothered as long as the emotional closeness was there.

Hormonally my sex drive is starting to really flare back to life (edit: I realised I wasn't totally accurate here, it came back about a month before her MH went down the toilet (which in turn was unfortunate rebound depression after coming off antidepressants)), but every mention of sex leads to her totally freezing up. Not a way I want to make anybody feel so l've just kind of...stopped asking or talking about it.

Are there any books for lesbian marriage sex stuff?

There seems to be loads of stuff for straight people.

I've found Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity genuinely eye opening.

She identifies as a stone top and does not want to take her clothes off or be touched during sex. We've been together a long time. I understand and completely respect her boundaries. Reciprocal sexuality can function in many ways.

Any books, podcasts or articles on how to reengage someone sexually when you're the main person things are being done to?

Please no "omg, cannot believe you don't go down on her or touch her boobies" etc.

My wife and I have been together for a long time and we are ready to have kids together. We want to do insemination with no man involvement. We want to anonymous get sperm from the sperm bank. My wife is the one who wants to carry and give birth to the baby. My wife and I are on the same page that we make sure I get the same rights to the baby as she does. I believe I would have to adopt the child after birth. We want to make that the man has zero rights to baby. Who do you consult with about the process? Do we get a lawyer before we start the process? What kind of lawyer would we get?

I’m a little concerned about the frequency that my gf has been drinking and I just want a reality check or any advice.

To be fair she is going through a pretty stressful time in her life. Her mom has breast cancer and she goes to her place to help out after work a couple times a week. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving her to dr appointments, that kind of thing. And work itself is stressful for her, she’s a nanny for a rambunctious toddler. She also went back to school for an accounting degree which isn’t easy. So, she’s pretty stressed.

When she gets home she pours herself a tall glass of wine, pretty much every day at this point. She’s definitely not getting drunk but a little buzzed, I’d imagine. I’m worried she’s become dependent on it. Does this sound like alcoholism to you? She says it helps her decompress and she also just likes the taste.

I also want to add that she’s in therapy. Goes to work every day, keeps up with household chores, contributes to bills/rent, and does well in school. Not to mention taking care of her mom. So she’s not some drunkard bum haha. I’m just worried about dependency and her health. What should I do?

I like being eaten out 🫠

I’ve managed to self-isolate and not date so long I’ve gotten wildly touch starved. I don’t necessarily want a regular ole FWB, but maybe? If I one time, “break the seal” and then the next day I’m starving again. That is not going to help me any.
I’m in my 50s healthy attractive employed, have a car, blah blah blah. do not wanna go to a bar (often) have limited energy (50’s!) as it’s very easy to stay home. Want to maximize my going out.

I hesitate putting my face on any of those dating apps it just seems like a way to get catfished, and unicorn hunted, and all that out there crazy stuff that happens..which is part of how I got myself in this position in the first place (the overwhelm of even starting). Ideas?
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So, im 29 and never dated. I didnt realize I was a lesbian until I was about 25. Before then, i thought I was straight and just didnt care about dating. Like, id tell friends that I didnt want to date and wasnt interested in meeting anyone.

So, because of this, i have no experience in dating. I didnt date in high school or in college. After college, I was never really in spaces where id meet people.

Ive always thought girls were so pretty and I wished I could just date them instead of guys. I dont know how i didnt realize sooner haha. But i honestly thought all girls thought about other girls like that. And I shoved those feelings down for a long time.

Anyway, for the last 4ish years, ive been trying to figure out how to even meet girls and talk to them. Im still not out to anyone so that makes it a little harder. The city is live in is pretty lgbt friendly, but its a smaller city so theres not really like specific places to go thats just for lesbians. Occasionally theres events, but they dont happen very often and like anyone can go. And most of the time my anxiety stops me from going anyway. Im working on that part.

Ive looked on dating apps too, but theres not many people on there. It seems like a few are bots too, and a lot of them i feel like we wouldnt work well or im just not interested in them. Maybe im being too picky? I also just dont like dating apps in general. Id rather meet someone irl, but i dont even know where to start.

Yay, yet another desolate lesbian breakup post 🎉🥲
My (28NB) former gf (28NB) asked a couple weeks ago if we can take a step back and be more casual for awhile. They said they were feeling some pressure with the idea of being in a relationship and didn’t have the capacity to give me the same energy. Since then, things have been a little off. I keep getting drastically different vibes from them every time we hang out- they go from wanting to hang out, have sex, hold hands etc to the next day being cold and quiet and asking why I even wanted to hang out. Yesterday they canceled on a big event our friend group has coming up, and messaged me privately saying they’re taking a break from hanging out with the group because they feel bad about themselves when they hang out with the group. It’s their life, so sure. But I suspect their depression is having major effects. It’s also possible they’re struggling to mask their emotions, which is ok but I’m just feeling emotionally wrung out and confused. I fully expect the advice to be “cut them off” but they’re still one of my best friends and we have lots of mutual friends. I think I’ll ask to redefine boundaries so we have a strictly friends relationship, but I’m still pretty head over heels in love with them and every single aspect of this hurts. I just feel like crying every day, all the time. I don’t want to lose them as a friend, but I feel like they’re pulling away anyway and I’m worried about them. Anyone have advice for keeping exes as friends when it hurts to think about them?

Not sure what I am looking for I just think I needed to scream into the void

I am happy with my life, have a good job, good friends, and would love someone to share it with. But it feels like every dating experience they can't communicate, aren't emotionally available, or still have feelings or complications with their ex

No matter how great, healthy or healed they seem, every one seems to break down because they aren't ready, can't commit, or go hot and cold with intensity and I am left feeling confused by the switch because there was no communication

The frustrating thing is I try to hard to heal and work on myself, I've been through therapy and can communicate. I almost wish they were telling me its because I keep doing x, at least then I could change something I was doing wrong

I know I am young (early 30s) and there's so much time but its making me lose trust in people because it feels like everytime I open myself up I get hurt

Edit to clarify: by healed I am no way insinuating we are ever healed, i meant healed from past relationships in the sense of ready to start something new without hanging on to the past in a way that's unhealthy

So I started talking to this girl off of a dating app a few weeks ago. We met in person and were not compatible. We have different views and honestly she’s a fuck girl lol which is fine but not what I am looking for in a potential partner.

We did have good conversation and she suggested being friends and I said yes since I’m always open to more friends. She invited me to go to a queer event with her this weekend and I said yes since I told her I’d never been to one. Yesterday she tells me she invited someone else to come with us.

I said okay even though I was a little uncomfortable because I barely know her and obviously I don’t know the other girl either. She tells me the girl is one of the girls she’s talking to. I asked her if I was going to be a 3rd wheel and she said not at all. She basically said she asked the girl to come because she wants a girl she already knows to dance with and doesn’t want to waste time looking for a girl that is attractive to her and available.

Essentially it’s sounds like I’m going to be a third wheel and her comment about the girl didn’t sit right with me either. I’m not jealous but the way she talks about women (not just her) is off putting even for a friend and makes me not want to go with her anymore. Am I overreacting?

So I met my partner when I was 22 and she was 34. I had never dated anyone at the time, was a virgin, still lived at home. So like I would have understood it if people were concerned at the time and/or thought there were red flags. We met through work, had known each other for a year before anything happened, and she has always been so completely respectful to me, always took things at my pace, was conscious of our different life stages, always gave me space to have my own life. Honestly back then, no one really questioned it. Even my parents had no problem with it once they'd met her and gotten to know her. I've always been very happy with her, she's never treated me badly or tried to control me or groom me or tell me how to think or feel or be in any way whatsoever. And everyone around me could see that and were happy for me.

However... We've now been together for 10 years and NOW. Now, people have a problem with it. People who have only recently met us and learn we've been together for a long time start side-eyeing my partner like she's some kind of cradle robber, old friends of mine and distant family members make snide little comments and it's really starting to get on my nerves. Why now? If there was concern to be had, shouldn't they have been concerned 10 years ago and not now when I'm in my 30s and have already been with this woman happily for a decade? I don't get it. Is it just trendy to hate on age gaps right now or something?

Hey everyone, my friend and I have started a new sub for lesbians called r/shetheysupergay.

Our idea is to create a cozy and low-angst safe space for lesbian women (cis and trans) to share, discuss, and celebrate our lives.

We would like to build a community that centres womanhood, so non-women participation is not welcome.

Additionally, we are not seeking to replace other subs for lesbians, but rather exist as a corner of Reddit where we can come to chill and relax away from issues that agitate us too much. While venting, complaining, and seeking validation are all valid activities to partake in, we are hoping our new sub can offer a refuge away from those kinds of interactions.

So we hope you can come on over and make yourselves comfortable. We invite posts on anything you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. These could be cool stuff you notice on your way to work, your latest art project, your new yoga routine, yummy recipes, your favourite book or TV show, and whatever else brings a smile to your face.

See you there!

Edit: enby people have been removed from the text as it is causing much too many issues to try to word it inclusively, unfortunately. It’s a cozy chill space we want to create.

​I think it's time for me to heal. I've been unconsciously denying myself a relationship, both romantic and sexual, because of internalized lesbophobia. I used to label myself as asexual, and while there's a bit of truth to that (I consider myself demisexual), I've mostly been repressing my attraction to women since I was 11. That's the exact age I discovered I liked girls for the first time. I fell in love with a dear friend of mine.

​My mother used to say lesbians disgusted her. She would say she was afraid our lesbian neighbor would hit on her. She would use derogatory slang to talk about lesbians with my father in their native tongue. I even internalized that disgusted feeling toward the word "lesbian" for a long time. Now my parents are accepting but they pretend they always knew I was a lesbian and that they were always accepting. Sure, Jan. My trauma sure doesn't remember it like that.

​Anyway, I can now finally say: I am a lesbian. But I still deal with decades of hatred and disgust toward myself. I wondered if I am the only one, and if not, how did you overcome it? I am done repressing my sexuality, women are so pretty and I want to date them. I am just still not too confident using the label. Thankfully the comphet is gone though.

Hi loves. I just went through the canon lesbian event of dating for the first time after a long term relationship and getting my heart dragged through the mud by a 3 month summer fling. She was avoidant and realized she didn’t have the capacity and I wasn’t willing to lessen my needs or emotions to keep a connection. It hurts a lot. Especially dating as a neurodivergent person, I lead with my heart and experience big emotions that can be really disregulating (hello, limerance).

But I wanted to put a reminder here for anyone else going through the same thing: what we give doesn’t always return to us, but what we give is always what we are. Don’t let the world harden your heart. It’s okay to be a lover girl and lead with intention and consideration. The right person will cherish that and match it. Protect your boundaries, and know that’s okay to feel scared to be vulnerable. It’s what we do with that fear that matters.

Anyway, I have a favor to ask. I’m going to be stepping away from dating and focus on loving myself now, but I’d love a light at the end of the tunnel.

For those who found their long term partners after age 30 - can you share how you met and any sage wisdom for those on this journey? 🫶🏽

Sending so much love to you all!

As a trans woman with a wife, I want to call myself a lesbian more than anything. I know in my heart of hearts that I was meant to be a gay woman. I don't know why I was born the way I was, but I know it was wrong. I've been transitioning for close to 3 years, and my wife is much happier with me as her wife. I am a different person now, and I really like her.

Is it ok to call myself a lesbian though? I really feel like one, and I always have.