u/IcyPin7166

I’m a little concerned about the frequency that my gf has been drinking and I just want a reality check or any advice.

To be fair she is going through a pretty stressful time in her life. Her mom has breast cancer and she goes to her place to help out after work a couple times a week. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving her to dr appointments, that kind of thing. And work itself is stressful for her, she’s a nanny for a rambunctious toddler. She also went back to school for an accounting degree which isn’t easy. So, she’s pretty stressed.

When she gets home she pours herself a tall glass of wine, pretty much every day at this point. She’s definitely not getting drunk but a little buzzed, I’d imagine. I’m worried she’s become dependent on it. Does this sound like alcoholism to you? She says it helps her decompress and she also just likes the taste.

I also want to add that she’s in therapy. Goes to work every day, keeps up with household chores, contributes to bills/rent, and does well in school. Not to mention taking care of her mom. So she’s not some drunkard bum haha. I’m just worried about dependency and her health. What should I do?

This happened yesterday and I finally feel like I’m in a position to talk about it 😐 lol. Laughing so I don’t cry.

I was at work caring for NK, 2yo girl. We were in the living room, MB was nearby in the kitchen making herself lunch. Their cat came up to me, he’s usually friendly and I gave him a couple pets and then out of nowhere he scratched me. It caught me off guard and it hurt and I said “fuck!” against my better judgement. Y’all I‘ve never cussed at work before, I can tell this family is not the kind that curses so I don’t either. But it just slipped out. I felt bad and flashed MB an apologetic smile and honestly didn’t think much about it after that.

But then when I got home I got a text from them saying they weren’t sure our ”values align” and they think we should part ways 🙃 all because of a slip-up.

Like I get that what I said was inappropriate. But I’m sure it wasn’t the first curse word the kid has ever heard and it certainly won’t be the last. Besides this I’ve always been on good terms with this family and at my yearly review they praised me a lot. So I just feel blindsided :/

My NK is 3.5 and I frequently take him to activities around the neighborhood like the museum and play places. A lot of these places have free admission for kids age 2 and under. His parents pay for my admission but are constantly telling me to lie and say he’s 2 so he’ll get in for free. I’ve done it a few times but I always feel uncomfortable doing it. But when I don’t do it and I tell his parents how much his admission cost so they can reimburse me for it they seem annoyed and they’re like “it’s not a big deal to fib about his age, he looks 2.” I know people lie about this kinda thing all the time, maybe I’m just paranoid but I hate doing it. What do y’all think?

I’m familiar with the person being interviewed, ER Fightmaster and loved watching them on grey’s anatomy, they’re also a great musician. But to me, this take is just all kinds of wrong. I don’t think womanhood for trans women and cis women can be compared in this way. They’re very different experiences, one is not “more beautiful” than the other. To me, this is just an invalidating opinion to all women.

BTW, this is not a space to be transphobic. Trans women are women, their experiences matter, that is not up for debate. Please be respectful!

They already have a 3yo girl that I adore, I’ve been with them since was only a few months old. MB is pregnant, which I’ve known for a while. They recently gave me the news that the baby has Down’s. As expected they’re overwhelmed and are experiencing a lot of emotions but they let me know that baby is perfectly healthy otherwise. They are planning for MB to stay home with baby for the first 3 or so months while I continue caring primarily for 3yo. Then 3yo will be enrolled in daycare full time, MB will go back to work, and I’ll care for the new baby full time.

I don’t know how to feel. I am happy the baby is healthy and will be born into a loving, caring, family. But I‘m not sure how I will do caring for a Down’s baby. NPs say that infant care for a Down’s baby is not much different than caring for any other baby. Still, I don’t think I’m up for it at all and it’s just not something I want to do.

They didn’t really ask me what I wanted to do, just told me the plan. I guess they are assuming I wouldn’t have any issues with it. I do have experience with special needs care, but it’s been mostly for children with Autism.

Just a weird, shitty, sad situation all around. Thinking about when/if/how I should tell them that I don’t plan to stay.

I have been dating someone for almost 6 months now. When we first met she was living in an apartment with a roommate, but the roommate moved out and she couldn’t afford a place on her own so since then she has been staying with different friends and family members while she tries to find a roommate or a better paying job to rent a new place. She will need to leave the place she’s staying in 2 weeks (her aunt) because her cousin is moving back home. So she asked if she could stay with me until she figures out what to do next.

I live alone and I like it that way. I worked hard so that I could afford to not have roommates and I can’t imagine someone staying with me. I’m also worried that if I let her stay with me, she will just never leave since we’re dating and it might feel comfortable to her. (This has happened to me before in a different relationship lol) But in my opinion we haven’t been dating long enough to live together at all. She can also be pretty messy and I like I clean space!

So I told her no I’m sorry but you can’t stay. It was a really difficult conversation to have and I can tell she was surprised. Things are awkward now and idek what to do. I definitely don’t regret my choice but not sure if it’s something we’ll get past. She keeps bringing up that she still hasn’t found a place to stay, I told her I would ask around if anyone knows of a cheap room she can rent but so far no one has a room available. Just venting 😣

So, the past few months have been very stressful for me. Work’s been crazy, I went back to school and I’ve been taking care of my dad who is sick (only part time, luckily I have 3 siblings who help out a lot too) but yeah I have been very busy and stressed. I wanted to take time off work and spend a week on vacation. I purposely wanted this to be a relaxed, chill vacation without any itinerary or planned activities. Wanted to take my video games (which I never get to play lately because I’m so busy) and my books and veg out watching tv and sleeping in and eating good in a new environment.

Now, I have a girlfriend, we live together and I realize it would be weird to just suddenly go on a solo vacation without her. I like spending time with her so I wanted her there. But she is the kind of person that needs activities to do on vacation or she feels like it’s a waste. She likes going on tours, hikes, excursions, that kind of thing. I made it clear that this vacation I’m planning is strictly for R&R in a change of environment and I don’t want to do a bunch of activities. No planning, no schedule. I told her I realize she’s not use to this but if she wants to come and do her own thing while I chill, that’s cool with me. She said that sounded good to her. Great!

Anyway we get to our airbnb a few states over. Day 1 she starts asking me “what should we do? where should we go? do you want to do this activity with me?” and so on. I tell her no, I’m chilling all week. I need a break. I want to be lazy with no expectations. She goes and does things by herself the second day. Most of the vacation she stays with me in the airbnb pouting about not being able to go do anything. I tell her, “it’s a free country, why don’t you go find something to do?“

She did go out here and there by herself but she wasn’t happy about it at all. When we finally go home she lets me know just how bothered she was that I didn’t want to connect with her as a couple. I’ve tried explaining that this vacation was mostly for me. I made it clear I didn’t want to do much of anything.

Asking because I always thought attachment styles were fixed no matter who you’re attached to. But I feel like mine is different with my current gf than it was with my ex.

With my ex I definitely labeled myself as being anxiously attached. I always craved attention from her, worried she didn’t like me anymore, that she would leave, also just felt insecure in that relationship constantly. And this wasn’t my ex’s fault, she was mostly a good partner (definitely not perfect, but she always gave reassurance when I asked for it).

That relationship has ended and with my current partner I very often feel avoidant. But I think this is because she is different than my ex. She can be clingy, needy and also insecure. I don’t like the long talks about our relationship and I sometimes have negative feelings when she asks for attention and reassurance. I feel trapped a lot. I love her and I’m trying, but it feels like she is basically behaving like I did in my last relationship and I have to admit it’s not easy to deal with.

So I guess I’m wondering, has anyone experienced a switch in their attachment style before? It makes me feel like I don’t truly know my style.

I’m 26 and never learned to drive. Parents neglected to teach me so never took a driver’s test and cars are so expensive now I don’t think I could get one even if I did have a license.

Trying to get back into dating and wondering if most women would see this as a turn off. There is not really reliable transportation around me so I often need to be picked up/dropped off by others.

We have been together for 2 years and I really am in love with her. Really attracted to her, the sex is great and we have a solid emotional connection. I’m happy with her.

But for some reason whenever we cuddle I feel…nothing. Wasn’t always like this, when we first started dating I wanted to be constantly touching her, kissing, holding her. But as time goes by I find that I care about these things less and less. She is very physically affectionate and wants to kiss and cuddle a lot. But when we cuddle I just feel bored and restrained. I get nothing from it but I know it’s important to her.

Has anyone else felt this way in their relationship?

I know this might seem incredibly juvenile but I’m a gamer who hasn’t had much of a chance to game over the past couple of years because of….life. Responsibilities. My partner and I bought a house that needed a bunch of work. Her mom is sick so we’ve been taking care of her. I went back to school. Her kid (my step kid) sometimes stays with us for a while. Not to mention all the other adult shit that gets in the way: work, bills, cooking, cleaning, errands. We’ve both been busy.

But recently my favorite game finally came out of early access (Palworld. IFYKYK) and I haven’t had a chance to play since 1.0 released. We’re finally in a place where things have calmed down a bit (kid won’t be with us, her mom is doing well and has full time care, house is in good condition) and all our bills and chores and general responsibilities are pretty much caught up with. About 2 weeks ago I told my partner I would just love to spend one day during the weekend having a gaming marathon. She agreed 2 weeks ago and my game day was supposed to be this Saturday. But suddenly she has come up with a slew of things she needs help with (things she doesn’t typically request help with) like errands I never knew about, she suddenly wants to paint the bathroom, she wants to schedule our cat’s check-up for that day (even though she isn’t due for the vet for about a month or so), she wants to pick up our kid for the day even though today is his scheduled day with his dad and he’s perfectly happy there. It seems like she just doesn’t want me to spend that day gaming, even though we both previously scheduled the day together and agreed.

I asked her about this and she told me it wasn’t a good day, there‘s still so much we need to do. She no longer likes the idea of me spending the whole day gaming, she needs my help. But I feel like all the tasks and errands she came up with for the day are circumstantial.

Is it really that terrible for me to take a day during the weekend to relive my hobby just once before going back into the chaos of life? We’ve been together 5 years and I’ve consistently always handled my business around the house and taken care of whatever she needs help with.

Wondering because she recently came to us asking for a raise before the 1 year mark; she’s only been with us for 6 months. She is currently paid $28/hr. Some info:

• Nanny has about 6 years professional experience
• Nanny cares for one 2 year old boy
• We live in the Atlanta metro area
• Schedule is 40 hrs/wk; M-F, 9-5
• 2 weeks vacation, GH, unlimited sick time but we’ve never had issue with her taking excessive time off
• Access to our memberships when she’s not working
• Child naps for about 2hrs15mins every day
• Duties include: making him lunch and sometimes breakfast (simple stuff like frozen food, mac and cheese, pb&j), child’s laundry once a week, taking him on outings (they usually opt to go somewhere at least 1x/day), and just generally cleaning up any messes they make

She’s told us this is the easiest nanny job she’s had and she loves 2yo. When we hired her she seemed quite pleased with what we offered. So just a little confused about the sudden inquiry for a raise.

Thanks!

Just popping in to ask if this is a common thing? We have a full time nanny and asked her if she’d be willing to babysit while my husband and I go out this evening. She’s babysat before with no issues. She said yes but asked if it’d be alright if she brings her girlfriend with her. We’ve never met her girlfriend before but our nanny is really sweet and from what she’s told us her girlfriend is a good person as well.

Is this typical though? I imagine that while her girlfriend is here, her attention wouldn’t be completely on the kids (ages 1 and 2) like it normally is. Do we pay her a discounted rate if she brings her girlfriend? Thanks