r/Nanny

I need opinions on if you were in my situation!!
I’m a nanny and have been with my current family for almost 6 months now. I care for their 10-month-old baby as my main responsibility, and I also help with their two older children, who are 5 and 7. I’m currently paid $20/hr.
During the school year, I typically have the older two for only about 1–2 hours, 2–3 days a week when they’re home from school. Over the summer, though, I had all three kids for the majority of the day, 2–3 days a week. I take them to activities and still do that when needed, and I also do the kids’ laundry (sometimes including the parents’), ALL the dishes, errands, and school pickups when needed.
When I interviewed, I said I was looking for $25/hr but was open to discussing it. I said I could do $22.50/hr or a flat $2,700/month. They countered with $2,400/month, and because I really clicked with the family, I agreed and was okay with waiting for the reevaluation. The mom had actually done the math incorrectly, so I ended up making $2,600/month from the start.
When I started, we specifically discussed reevaluating my pay after 90 days. The family also told me that once the 5-year-old’s daycare payments ended, they would be able to put an additional $850/month toward my pay. Her last daycare payment was in May when school ended, but I never received that additional $850.
There have been a few other things that have made me question the situation. They were supposed to have me watch the baby while they went on vacation, but once we calculated my $20/hr plus the $150 overnight flat rate, the total for the long weekend was going to be close to $2,000. They said they couldn’t afford that and ended up having grandparents help instead.
Also, one of the grandparents has had the family’s main vehicle for the children for the last 2–3 weeks. Because of that, I’ve had to use my own car to take the baby places and pick up the girls once, and I haven’t been offered gas/mileage reimbursement.
I brought up my pay again because I feel $20/hr is low for the overall responsibilities, especially considering what I was originally told about the additional $850. They told me they couldn’t afford to increase my pay because they were dealing with significant legal expenses involving the children.
I understood that and tried to be reasonable about it. Recently, though, the mom told me they’re discussing the legal situation with their lawyer and are pulling back from both the trial and negotiation routes, so some of the legal spending is going to stop. She also recently told me that they took a long weekend vacation in California and that the dad basically had “no budget” while they were there.
I completely understand that it’s their money and they can spend it however they want. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be able to take a vacation. But I’m struggling with being told that they genuinely cannot afford an increase in my pay, while also seeing money available for discretionary spending.
I’m not trying to count someone else’s money or tell them how to spend it. I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m looking at this fairly.
At this point, I’m considering looking for another family because I want better compensation and more personal time.
So, if you were me, how would you feel about this situation? Am I being entitled by feeling frustrated, or is it reasonable to feel like this is more about financial priorities than actually being unable to afford a raise?
I’d especially love opinions from other nannies AND parents who employ nannies. Please be honest, even if you think I’m in the wrong.

Edit:
There seems to be a great deal of misunderstanding and I want to get around that.

I do not blame the nanny! I am not stupid!

English is not my first language and my first language is very straightforward and doesn’t dance around things. I am strictly stating facts as they exist, which to me is not assignation of blame but is apparently to others.

I apologize that it isn’t clear in the original text, but for at least a little while, our son will require special care, and may require special care for the rest of his life. We are handling this separately, and will thus not need our nanny. We want to let her go without making her feel like we are angry.

Thank you!

Continue on.

I’ve created this account specifically for discussion pertaining to this situation.

Last Friday, our nanny, who has been with our family for 3 years, took our four year old son to a waterplay area, where he was badly injured and remains hospitalised. her version of events is that he was running on a dry area, slipped, fell, hit his head, and suffered a seizure. He suffered another seizure whilst in hospital, but is recovering now.

Our nanny has been overall supportive and caring during this time, but it does still feel like a major issue.

ultimately, we are trying to figure out what to do with regard to her employment, and that sounds awful but it is what it is. Our son may have permanent impairment from what seems like a minor fall. My husband is taking a leave of absence from his job and I am also taking time off so we can focus on his care.

We obviously don’t want to be unfair to our nanny, but this is something we need to not have on our plate. I am seeking advice as to the most fair way to go about her employment without too much trouble for all of us involved. I’m not sure we will need her anymore, and my husband has some misgivings about having her back.

In your opinion, what is the best way to go about it? Fair severance? I don’t want her to feel like we’re accusing her of anything, either, but i do just want to get through it.

Thank you.

I started a new job today with a 7 month old, and I’m already questioning whether it’s a good fit.

During the interview, they said I couldn’t use my phone except for emergencies. I took that to mean no scrolling or being distracted while actively caring for the baby, which is completely reasonable.

Today, while the baby was asleep in the pack and play, I briefly checked my phone to see if my mom had texted me, then went back to washing dishes. DB immediately told me I can’t look at my phone at all unless it’s an emergency because checking it could “lead to” me staying on it longer. Which confused me because how am I supposed to know if something is an emergency if I can’t check my phone? 😂

Later, I brought it up again because I genuinely thought I had misunderstood. I asked if I could check a quick text during naps, make an appointment, or listen to a podcast while doing laundry. Basically, no. He said they could give me a one hour lunch break and I could use my phone then.

DB also said I might not hear the baby wake up and mentioned a time grandma didn’t notice immediately. The baby is 7 months old and was in a pack and play right next to the kitchen. Personally, I don’t think a content baby needs to be picked up the second she opens her eyes, but I understand they may feel differently.

The phone thing is bothering me because it feels like part of a bigger issue. DB works from home and stayed in the living room with us for basically my entire 6 hour shift, so I never really got the chance to build my own rhythm with the baby. They also don’t want me taking her on walks or outings alone yet. DB said he would come with us. I was initially fine with that since she’s their first baby, but combined with everything else, I’m starting to feel overly monitored.

They called my references and hired me, so being told I basically can’t be trusted to glance at a text because I might get distracted rubbed me the wrong way. I’m an adult and I know how to put my phone down and do my job.

I understand being nervous as first time parents, but I’m wondering if they’re just not ready to have a nanny working independently yet.
We also didn’t do a trial day, which I now realize I’ll probably require going forward.

Would you give it more time, or take the first day as a sign that this probably isn’t a good fit?

Our nanny is Spanish speaker. In fact, she speaks very little English. So even if I requested that, she speak in English, it would not be possible. But for the last couple months or so she’s come home from the park at least once a week talking about how other nannies she’s met out there are charging extra for teaching their child Spanish. I have literally never heard this as a thing before. And I can’t help but wonder if she’s indirectly asking me for more money because I find it hard to believe. She has told me other white lies in the past so trying to understand if this is one of them or is this a fairly standard agreement when it comes to bilingualism

Writing here because I want feedback from nannies. My partner and I hired a nanny for our newborn a couple of months ago. This are our first child and we've never had a nanny before, and neither of us were raised with nannies.

Our nanny abruptly quit on us by not showing up to work one day. She left the evening before saying "I'll see you tomorrow" and then didn't show up. For a few days she completely ghosted us, then she sent us a long text rant telling us why she quit.

One of her main issues was privacy. She said she did not have the ability to take phone calls privately in our home. I was baffled by this, as she's regularly on the phone with her teenage son, at a fairly high volume (she basically just yells at him).

It turns out that he got into a situation with another kid in the neighborhood, and she says that if she'd been able to take his call, the situation would have never escalated. Again, she is regularly on the phone with him and we've never told her she couldn't talk to him (or to anyone), so I don't know why she is claiming we stopped her from talking to him.

But I don't really understand the privacy complaint overall. Do nannies expect privacy in another person's home? Obviously, going to the bathroom and such entails privacy. But beyond that, what would privacy mean? I honestly don't expect any privacy when I'm at the office — it's a workplace, not my personal space.

Just curious to hear the opinions of other nannies and to see if we need to make any corrections going forward for when we hire someone new.

So I have 2 NK one is 2 years the other is 6 months. I take them out of the house multiple days a week and anytime I need to add something to the diaper bag I just get annoyed honestly. There is stuff in it that I will never need when they are with me and it just gets in the way. So I’m curious do any nannies have their own diaper bag? Also would any NP feel weird about their nanny asking to have their own?

People immediately began pointing out that not paying someone for working is in fact *illegal* and someone even pointed out that live-ins often make more than a typical nanny bc the situation greatly benefits the family. In previous posts within the last year she was offering to pay someone… $15/hr 🤯 also her other posts point strongly to these kids being homeschooled which to me sounds like they’re also looking for a teacher. One of the comments under this ad below was “be so for real girl” 😂 I hope these people finally figure things out.

🌿 Looking for Our Person: Live-In Childcare & Housing Exchange — (location)🌻

Are you looking for an affordable place to live in (HCOL town/state)… and do you happen to love kids, animals, gardens, the outdoors, and a little healthy family chaos? We might be looking for each other. 😊

We’re offering a private furnished bedroom + designated bathroom + utilities/Wi-Fi in our home in exchange for approximately 18-20 hours of childcare per week.

Your room is on the first floor, separate from our family bedrooms upstairs, with a large closet and bathroom right next door.

And then there’s the household…

🐶 1 dog

🐱 1 cat

🐓 18 chickens

🐭 1 pet mouse

🌱 A garden

👶🏼👦🏼🧒🏼Kids

…and usually some project we probably didn't need to start. 😂

We’re a holistic, naturally health-minded family who loves being outside, gardening, animals, wellness, faith, and letting kids experience plenty of real-world childhood.

Bonus points if you grew up on a farm, love animals, or have secretly always wanted to homestead.

We travel a few times a year, and during those trips we'd ask our live-in helper to care for the animals and garden, so being genuinely comfortable with animals is important.

✨ Approximately 20 hrs/week

✨ Christian values

✨ 4 weeks of time off built in each year

✨ Longer-term arrangement preferred

✨ Background check + references required

✨ Not on-call when you're off

You don't need to be a professional nanny. You do need to be kind, responsible, trustworthy, and genuinely enjoy children and animals.

If you're thinking, “Honestly, 18 chickens and a pet mouse sounds like exactly the kind of household I've been looking for,” we'd probably like to meet you. 😂

Message us with a little about yourself, your experience with children/animals, and why this sounds like a good fit!

We are considering doing a nanny share with a neighbor (babies would be 5 and 6 months old), but our dog can be a lot. He’s very sweet but gets extremely excited when new people are in the house. I’m nervous he’d never get used to a nanny particularly if they are only here every other week. It feels like potentially too much to ask a nanny to handle - two infants and a dog demanding attention. Can anyone provide insight to nanny preferences here and if the family dogs ever become an issue / make a share not a good fit? THANK YOU!

Does anyone else feel micromanaged by their nanny family and even the nanny kids? Recently, the nine-year-old has been relaying things her parents supposedly want me to do, then checking before I leave to make sure I’ve done them. I try not to get annoyed, but I’ve already asked her not to do that because I communicate directly with her parents. If there’s anything they need me to do or aren’t happy with, they can speak to me themselves. However, it keeps happening and seems to be getting worse every day.

I’ve been nannying for a couple of months now, for three kids under 3 years old. This is my first ever nannying job. It started out great, lots of spending time with the kids and mom. Mom does not work but having three kids she needs the extra help to get through feedings and nap time routine during the week when her husband is not around

On a typical week, I spend 1-2 days with only two out of three kids, as one kid will have a play date or activity scheduled. The other 2 days of the week I’m typically left with all the kids to take care of feedings and nap time routine on my own so that she can go out, socialize, work on art projects and attend group workout classes. This part DOES NOT bother me, because it feels like an important part of my job to give mom space to be herself and do things she enjoys

My biggest issue is that in the time she’s away, I’ve become extremely forward in helping out with dishes, keeping the floors clean, taking out the trash and bringing the barrels to the street, doing the family laundry, organizing the recycling, and other general household chores. Oftentimes I will leave for the week on a Thursday, come back on Monday, and find that the dishes haven’t been touched and are overflowing in the sink. The dishwasher will have the same dishes that were in it when I filled it last. The trash won’t have been taken out in days and is piled into a corner of the house or outside in the hot sun, and the household trash bin will sometimes be so overflowed that I will have to transfer garbage and dirty diapers by hand into a 2nd trash bag before taking it out. And, by far, the most frustrating thing is that every day I clean and organize the kitchen, but am expected to clean up after last nights’ dinner the next morning, and it always looks as if a bomb has gone off in there

Please do tell me if I’m overreacting, if this is normal to be expected of a nanny, or in the case that I’m not overreacting, how do I address this?

There is something so depressing about working so hard to upkeep other people’s lives (who have it SO much better than me!!) to the point where i’m so exhausted I can’t even tend to my own life.

Then I get to hear about how exhausting and stressful it is being a SAHM (it is, but I’m hearing it from my MB that I work full time hours for).

Im just over working myself to death just to feel like a servant in other peoples lives. Does this feeling ever go away? Ive been in this career for 7 years and I fear I’m in too deep to change career paths without seriously sabotaging my financial situation.

I am a full-time nanny for twins, 33 months old. Although I only have them on 2-2-3 custody and just do chores when NK is not around, it's mentally drowning me. MB doesn't acknowledge the exhaustion I've experienced physically and mentally. She's present but not really helping. Which is OK, as I'm paid to take care of them. She adds more tasks during this situation, such as making a childcare log when providing care for NK, having to remember the clothes and footwear DB put on NK during exchange, as I have to return to him vice versa/remembering what I put on them so we can ask DB to return stuff to us, as he has a habit of claiming whatever belongs to MB. Because of the unstable routine, DB creates kids who have to be hand-fed while getting distracted during mealtime, can be screen time or story time, which is difficult. How does she expect me to hold a book, tell a story, and hand-feed them twice/day (breakfast and lunch)? Sometimes I feed them when they're playing and running around.

If NK says NO to the food, MB will ask me to make something else, which I refuse most of the time. These parents never say NO to NK. Even when one of them is being violent, they'd still end up coddling them instead of putting them on time out. NK falls; she freaks out. NK gets small bruises from falling she freaking out. NK got scratches she freaking out.

Here's the exhausting part. She couldn't prepare her kids for the exchange; I have to come early in the morning to prepare them. Despite having limited time, she won't bother to wake them early, so they'd be awake by 6.45 am when I came, and the exchange is 7.30 am but she won't wake until over 7:10 a.m. I have to snap pictures all of all body parts, including vital signs, before the exchange or after the exchange when we receive them. Today we're realize it's many bruises on the right foot of one of the NKs (small bruises from falling), and she's freaking out because I didn't snap pictures days ago after receiving them like I used to. She won't admit it when I said it's happening on our watch and keeps pushing me to find the picture, as I didn't snap it because isn't there when we had them days ago. She keeps mentioning it and keeps saying DB will make a big accusation over her; her day is already ruined; how it's always a new problem every day- why I'm not snapping the pictures like I've been told to, etc.

The thing is, changing 33 months old on a changing table is unpleasant, as no toddler is willing to lie down for a diaper change anymore; then dealing with them refused on wearing specific color, and she made me change to follow their wish, is exhausting. Then how is she expecting me to use my personal phone to snap nude pictures of babies? Or asking, "Are you taking a picture when they're taking a bath?" Like, that's so odd for me to think of snapping pictures of another person's kids naked in a bath. I also feel so wrong for myself, especially since I can't even delete them. Then one of the kids will snap my phone and run, and I couldn't leave one kid on the changing table naked to get the phone back.

I know she has a lot going on, but I'm so tired of her demeanor of keeping negative affirmations, and if I'm trying to show empathy, she'd make a statement like My mental is also draining isn't true because I'm just the nanny. When she's literally not doing much besides paying me. Like she'd go straight to the driver's seat while I'm buckling both of them myself, or hand-feeding them when she just watches. Especially now she requests to be wfh so she can "spend more time" with NK. So she'd be in the kitchen area working, not in the room being locked to set boundaries and make NK understand they can't bother her, but if NK comes to her and wants her, she'll be so upset for me not stopping him. Like, how do I stop an almost 3yo trying to interact with their mother when there's no barrier? I'm tired of these NP; none of them care about NK until divorce, and both are trying to get full custody so they can get child support from each other.

If you've ever been a nanny in the middle of a contested divorce, did you feel drained too?

Hi! I recently started a new nanny job for a 1 year old. Both parents are doctors and I work 3, 11 hour days a week. I’m struggling immensely with keeping her entertained. Her only toys are in a small 10 x 4 play pin in the living room. We are not allowed upstairs and nothing else in the downstairs area is even remotely baby safe. Also no screens which I understand. We get through the toys within the first hour of the day and they arent even interactive toys - just things for her to hold and carry around. They bought a water table a month ago and they keep saying they’ll bring it outside and set it up and never have. The neighborhood has a playground with a swing that she says not to go to cause there’s construction near it that is loud (this one really doesn’t make sense to me). All of her books are not in english so I can’t read them to her. They tell me that I can buy her things and they’ll pay me back but I find that extremely weird….like why would I spend my off days shopping for your baby. It just seems like they are extremely preoccupied and i’m not sure what to do. They also asked me to get off my phone during work hours but there’s genuinely nothing to do lol EDIT: guys if i can’t even bring her upstairs, she obviously isn’t letting me bring her anywhere 😂

Hi all — solo physician dad of two little ones (4 and 1), and I’m on hospital call every other week, which means roughly 14–16 nights a month where there’s a chance I get called in overnight. In reality it only actually happens 1–3 times a month, but when it happens I have to leave fast and I need someone reliable.

I have a great babysitter I normally pay $35/hr for daytime work. For call nights, our current arrangement is:

**•**	$50/night flat to be on call — phone on, stays in town, able to come over if I get paged  
**•**	$50/hr if she actually has to wake up and come in, with a 3-hour minimum so a short call-in is still worth her while  
**•**	Most nights nothing happens and she just sleeps at home and collects the $50

She’s been doing this informally “when available,” and I’m now looking to formalize it into a committed arrangement — guaranteed pay for every call night on my schedule (calendar given a month ahead), with a written agreement, probably bumping the standby rate to $65/night for the commitment.

My questions for the nannies here:

**1.	Does $50-65/night standby + $50/hr activated (3-hr min) feel fair for committed on-call availability? What would make YOU take a role like this?**  
**2.	Is a “be reachable and within 30-40 min” requirement reasonable for 14-16 nights/month, or is that a bigger lifestyle ask than I’m pricing?**  
**3.	For those who’ve done on-call or overnight work — what terms did you wish were in your agreement that employers didn’t think of?**  
**4.	Any red flags in this structure from the caregiver side?**

Genuinely want this to be a good deal for her, not just for me. Appreciate any honest feedback!

What are good gift ideas for a nanny that will be leaving us at the beginning of Sept. We have had a great relationship and she's been watching my littles since 2023.

I want to get her a parting gift to show my appreciation and I am looking for suggestions.

Thank you!!

Ok, I’d like to know everyone’s opinions on this.

5min before arriving to your shift, MB messages you saying that NK (3) will need a nappy change because they’ve done a poo. When you arrive they’re both in bed. MB says she’s going to sleep for a bit longer, understandably because they’ve had a rough night. So, you try to convince NK to hop out of bed and let you change their diaper.

NK doesn’t want YOU to change their diaper, they want MB to. It triggers a meltdown. When you finally change their diaper, with NK kicking and crying unfortunately, the poo is pretty dry. MB comments a few times that the poo has been there for a while but doesn’t specify how long.

Do you think it is appropriate for MB waiting (however long) until nanny arrives for a diaper change? Or should a poo be changed straight away? Is this an expectation you have of your nanny?

Edit for clarification on my opinion: I was feeling frustrated when this was happening, however I know that everyone has different expectations. I work with 5 families and this is the only one I’ve experienced this with. I wanted to see what everyone else’s thoughts were for some perspective.

Edit 2: Again, I don’t know how long MB had left it for. So for those who are suggesting that it’s neglectful, would you still think that if it had been there for 10-20min? What’s the time limit on this?

I don’t know if I just want to vent or if I need advice. I’m honestly just very confused at the moment.

I’ve been nannying for 12+ years. During that time, I haven’t always had great nanny parents, and I definitely haven’t always been treated fairly.

I recently took what I thought was my “dream job.” Long story short, my last long-term position caused me extreme burnout. I had a four-hour commute every day—two hours each way—and I did that for five years.
After that, I decided to take a part-time position closer to home. My commute was only 15 minutes each way, and I was working six hours a day, Monday through Friday. However, during that time, I accumulated quite a bit of debt. When the part-time family moved, I knew I needed to find a full-time position with decent pay so I could catch up on everything I had fallen behind on.
Thankfully, I found what I thought was a “rainbow family.” They offered guaranteed hours, vacation pay, sick pay, and parents who seemed genuine, supportive, and very willing to work with me. I work my 40 hours over three to four days a week, which has been a great arrangement for me.

The problem is that I have guaranteed hours, and recently I was asked to work on a Sunday as one of my regular days because NK was sick and they needed the extra support. I agreed because, up until that point, they had been great to me, and I wanted to help wherever I could.
Little did I know that the reason they wanted me to work Sunday was because they were going on a little vacation and didn’t want to pay me my guaranteed hours.
It honestly really hurt to find this out. I wasn’t even made aware of the situation until the end of my last 13-hour workday of the week, on Tuesday, when I saw them packing for their trip.

I’m feeling really conflicted because, on one hand, they have been wonderful to me overall, and I don’t want to make a big deal out of one situation. But on the other hand, I feel blindsided and taken advantage of, especially because I agreed to change my regular schedule and work on a Sunday because I genuinely thought they needed me for their sick child.

Now I’m questioning how I should handle this. Am I overreacting? Is this something I should bring up with them, especially since I have guaranteed hours? Or should I just let it go because they have otherwise been such a good family to work for?

I think what bothers me most is that I would have been completely understanding if they had simply been upfront with me and said, “We’re going away and would rather have you work your guaranteed hours on Sunday instead of paying you for hours you won’t be working.” It’s the fact that I was led to believe they needed me because NK was sick, when apparently that wasn’t the whole story, that really doesn’t sit right with me.

Im nannying a 17 month old who just does not sleep. Hes horrendously irritated and angry all the time, I assume because of not sleeping.

He has roughly 5-6 bottles of full fat milk per day with the parents at the weekends (the doctors have been involved in this but the parents are saying they are wrong) and this includes 2 night feeds. I usually come into work with 4-5 half drank bottles on the side from when I leave at 5pm.

With me he has a pretty basic schedule of breakfast, bottle at 9:30ish, lunch at roughly 11:30, nap at 12:00, snack around 2ish and a bottle at 3:30.

The issue is, he does not have a bedtime or a schedule with the parents nor does he sleep more than roughly an hour midday. Im really struggling as I don’t get much downtime and his moods because he’s just constantly looking for a bottle are horrendous.

I assume he is waking early and ‘wanting a bottle to go back to sleep’ but he has a huge lunch and desert before going down for his nap. Hes struggling to stay awake for more than 3-4 hours per day which is also a concern.

The parents don’t want him sleeping more than 2 hours per day, so this could be contributing as they’ll wake him at an hour or an hour and a half…

But then the issue becomes that hes waking at say 1pm, and tired again by 4pm and wanting to sleep. Im at a loss.. if he wakes ‘crying’ the parents rush upstairs (they work from home) to tell me he needs a bottle which I think it’s more comfort than hunger.

NP, my twins are starting full-time preschool so nanny’s last day is next Friday. Want to have the kids give her a little gift (handmade card included) but not sure what feels right.

Any ideas? She’s a college student, lives at home. Was thinking a gift card she can use to get her nails done (not sure where she goes so thinking just a visa gift card) or maybe a door dash card, she also wears oversized hoodies often so thought maybe an alo or something trendy ☺️ this mom is stumped.

I did help her secure a new role already with a friend and their kids to start the following week and she’s definitely top of my favorite date night babysitter list but want to do something nice for her last official fulltime day with us.

I gave birth to my second this past May and had a 19 year old neighbor help me this summer with my first (2F). She worked 4hrs m-f. She’s going back to college soon. I want to get something nice for her as a gift but have no idea what to get! Of note, we live in an extremely HCOL area and the girl likely has anything she could possibly want or need provided by her parents. I’m looking for suggestions other than just gift cards or extra money.
Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated!