u/Clear_Elderberry_852

I’ve been single for 2 years which is the longest I’ve been single since I was 18. I did date a couple people last summer but I realized I wasn’t over my ex or in a healthy spot to date so I stopped and focused on myself for a bit. Got back out there this summer and it’s been lackluster. I’ve went on some dates but it’s a lot of mixed communication, people not over their exes, or just red flags. When I tell people I’ve been single for 2 years they don’t believe me. I noticed most people aren’t single long. If they just got out of a relationship they are already looking for the next. It’s almost like if you’re single too long something is wrong with you. It makes me feel pressure to be in a relationship. I don’t hate being single. I do like the freedom to be able to pour into myself and my friendships but I do miss being in a relationship. I just haven’t met someone who I would be open to getting on that level with. Those of you who are single is it by choice or not being able to find a compatible partner?

So I was talking to a woman on Hinge for about a month. We had good flirty banter and good conversation. We exchanged numbers after a bit we also had a few long phone calls. Shortly after I didn’t respond to her for a week because I started a new job, had a family emergency and was just a bit overwhelmed honestly. I texted her a week later and apologized for disappearing and asked her out on a date. She said it was okay but told me she’s now in a relationship. I told her I was happy for her. She then suggested we be friends and invited me to go to a wine tasting with her and her girlfriend and possibly another friend. I don’t know if it’s just me but I find it kinda weird she would invite me to something with her and her girlfriend. I don’t have any feelings for her but I think it might be awkward since more than likely she was talking to both of us at the same time and I don’t think her girlfriend knows we used to talk in that way especially when it was recent. I’m open to going but I don’t want to cause drama either.

So I started talking to this girl off of a dating app a few weeks ago. We met in person and were not compatible. We have different views and honestly she’s a fuck girl lol which is fine but not what I am looking for in a potential partner.

We did have good conversation and she suggested being friends and I said yes since I’m always open to more friends. She invited me to go to a queer event with her this weekend and I said yes since I told her I’d never been to one. Yesterday she tells me she invited someone else to come with us.

I said okay even though I was a little uncomfortable because I barely know her and obviously I don’t know the other girl either. She tells me the girl is one of the girls she’s talking to. I asked her if I was going to be a 3rd wheel and she said not at all. She basically said she asked the girl to come because she wants a girl she already knows to dance with and doesn’t want to waste time looking for a girl that is attractive to her and available.

Essentially it’s sounds like I’m going to be a third wheel and her comment about the girl didn’t sit right with me either. I’m not jealous but the way she talks about women (not just her) is off putting even for a friend and makes me not want to go with her anymore. Am I overreacting?

So I was going to put this update with my original post but it won’t let me. I have an update though. I decided to not ghost her like most said. I wanted to talk on the phone but due to her schedule it wasn’t going to happen. So I just texted her telling her I wasn’t interested anymore. I also mentioned about her updating her dating profile. She said I was lying and deleted me off the app smh. It turned into a back and forth argument over text mainly about her accusing me of seeing someone behind her back, requiring too much attention, being a liar etc. I just stopped responding because at this point there was nothing left to talk about and I knew I made the right decision based on how she was acting. I told her I didn’t want to be friends either. I go run some errands and next I check my phone, she blew up my phone. Called my phone 70+ times and sent me multiple texts and a couple voice notes basically saying crazy things like this is the chaos I wanted and whatever else. Mind you this woman is 33. I think I’m good on dating for the foreseeable future 🙃.

I’ve been dating a woman for about 2 months. The beginning was great but the last few weeks have been lackluster. Her interest/effort has gone down. The communication is far and between. She does still text me good morning usually but we exchange a few texts a day compared to texting throughout the day. We haven’t talked on the phone in a week compared to every other day at the beginning. Our last date she was on her phone a lot.

The last date we were supposed to go on she canceled last minute. We are supposed to have a date tomorrow but she hasn’t said anything about it. I’ve been initiating mainly everything now and it’s getting tiresome. I brought up the change and she said she doesn’t want her life to revolve around someone she is dating and said she feels like nothing has changed. To top it off I saw she updated her pictures on the dating website met on a couple days ago. We didn’t agree on being exclusive yet (she said she’s a slow burn type of person) but we both did say we were only talking to each other.

Now I feel like I can’t trust her. I was thinking about asking her to talk on the phone tonight and tell her this isn’t working for me anymore but tbh I don’t think she would care since her effort is pretty much gone. Would it be wrong just to ghost her? We do have a date planned for tomorrow but I don’t see it happening. I don’t like ghosting but I don’t know what else to do since I already talked to her about it.

I find when I start dating and actually start to like them I start majorly overthinking everything and pay attention to the smallest details. Like oh we’re communicating less, they don’t ask as many questions as they used to, they seem distracted etc. I start thinking about the worse case scenarios. The issue is I’ve had my fair share of dating and when I usually notice something is off it’s because it is. They either end up ghosting or just telling me they aren’t interested which is fine.

I get so much anxiety from when their behavior started changing yet they assured me nothing was wrong when in reality there was something wrong. For example the girl I am seeing now we’ve been talking for about a month. At first she seemed pretty interested. She initiated the first date, she was very engaged on our dates, had great conversations over the phone, paid attention to the small details about me and even drove over an hour to come see me randomly because she just wanted to. Since our last date it’s been different.

Our last date she was glued to her phone pretty much the whole time and now she doesn’t text me good morning until way later like it’s almost noon here and I still haven’t heard from her whereas in the beginning she would text me as soon as she woke up or got to work.

I do try to keep myself busy by focusing on myself, friends and hobbies but when I like someone (which is pretty rare honestly) I find myself analyzing everything. I hate it. Part of me just wants to cut things off when I feel like things are getting weird but I don’t want to be impulsive. On the other hand I feel stupid just watching the reasons/different behaviors pile up and only to be right later on. Any advice?

I recently connected with a girl I casually dated. We dated for a few months but ended up just kinda falling off due to life circumstances (her being busy with a new job and me going through some mental health stuff). We reconnected earlier in the year but just texting mainly which wasn’t too often. We have hung out once and there was definitely a flirty vibe and we kissed a few times. I could tell I still liked her.

So I decided to shoot my shot and ask her on an actual date. She agreed but now I’m regretting it. Mainly because the person I dated doesn’t feel like the person she is now. In person she’s great but her communication isn’t. She takes awhile to reply like days+ and when she does it’s not as engaged as it was when we dated. It kinda feels like I’m bothering her and she makes me question if she is actually interested. Which is leading to overthinking. Maybe I’m expecting too much?

It seems like now that I’m 28 I’m feeling the pressure to find a partner. My dad has been making comments about me dating like “your brother found a nice partner, I think it’s time for you” “have you tried dating apps?”. My mom has made comments too. Even a couple friends have tried to set me up with someone even though I said I’m not interested.

The thing is I was in back to back relationships from 18-26 and dated a bit last year as well. When I was in those relationships they complain I was spending my partner too much (which was probably true). I’m ashamed to admit it but I had no identity outside of a relationship and felt like I needed to be with someone. I had no hobbies, no friends really and was pretty codependent.

Now I’m finally focusing on me and what makes me happy. I’ve been trying to change careers, improve my finances, focus on developing more friendships, improve my mental health etc. Honestly I’m content without a relationship right now. It’s nice just doing what I want and not having to constantly think about someone else. I’m not opposed to a relationship if it happened but I’m not looking either.

It feels like after 25 people start expecting you to be getting married, starting a family and that’s just not the case for everyone.

I met this girl let’s say “K” last summer off a dating app in June. At the time I was going through a pretty tough break up and wanted a distraction or just casual dating. I talked to a few women but her and I really hit it off. We went on fun dates and she had a lot of what I was looking for in a partner and just made me feel calm around her. I ended up hitting off with another girl “T”.

I ended up catching feelings for her too but it was completely different. Our relationship was more clingy and she had a lot of red flags. I was dating both of them at the same time. Unfortunately “T” would repeatedly call me on dates with “K” and I would pick up and talk to her. I did it a few times regretfully. The final straw was when “T” and I got into an argument on the phone and I missed the whole play “K” had paid for. After that she started getting distant.

Eventually she just ghosted me in October. “T” turned out to be really toxic and we stopped talking in December. In February “K” reached out to ask me to go to a concert with her. I was surprised she asked but said yes. Between February and May we texted maybe 3 times. She would leave me on delivered for like a month at time. I didn’t think she was going to follow through with the concert. The concert happened and we had a really great time.

We kissed a few times. I apologized to her about what I did and we talked about both our feelings regarding that situation. I told her I’ve changed and she said she’s open to seeing what happens but is apprehensive. I asked if she wanted to see me again and she said yes. She texted me on Sunday saying she made it home and asked how I was and I responded. She hasn’t responded since. I do like her but I’m not sure if she sees me as a friend right now or possibly something more. She says she’s not dating anyone right now which is a good sign but I’m unsure. I don’t know if I should wait around for her or focus on myself.