r/INFJsOver30

I was talking to someone (33M) long-distance for a few months. We were both INFJs, which was something we actually talked about early on.
We video called regularly, texted a lot, eventually met in person, and things went really well. It felt serious, we talked about future trips, seeing each other again, and even him eventually meeting my family.

Later, he relocated to another country for work and his routine became much more demanding. Communication gradually decreased, and we agreed to take some space while he adjusted, then reconnect later to talk about whether continuing still made sense for both of us.

That time came, but he never reached out. I eventually messaged him asking if we were still going to have that conversation, and it’s been several days with no response.
At this point, I’m starting to accept that I may have been ghosted.

Since we’re both INFJs, I’m curious: have any of you withdrawn like this when overwhelmed, or experienced it from another INFJ? How do you stop waiting for closure when someone just goes silent?

so there’s something really comforting about the idea of having someone I can lean on too and turn my brain off sometimes . I don’t always want to be the one carrying everything.

I miss romance. I crave having my person. The deep connection , emotional bounding, cuddling, being clingy, doing little things together, feeling safe with someone… all of that.

I keep myself busy and distract myself, but sometimes at night, or when I’m feeling lonely or sad, I still crave that kind of connection.
For me, I don’t think friends can really fulfill that need in the same way.

So how do you deal with it when you still haven’t found ur person ?

but in same time

I don’t want to settle for someone who doesn’t share the same values and depth that I’m looking for.
I know what kind of relationship I want,And I know myself well enough to know that if compromise on something that’s fundamental to me, I’ll probably end up knowing how the story is going to end. It might work for a while, but eventually, one of us will feel like something is missing, and it won’t last..

I know the straight up answer is not well… but when you have all the overwhelming feelings, mental gymnastics, over analysis, then you sort it out but still have a small niggling of what if I was wrong about it all because you know gut and intuition have been right on 98% of every other social interaction. What tends to work best? Out of sight, out of mind? Going cold turkey?

With every person I meet, the pattern is as clear as day and it points to me being the common denominator. Because I am.

I love humanity. I love how diverse people are and it enriches my life to get glimpses into someone else's thinking. That being said, I've been longing for close souls ever since I was a kid and I am so alienated.

With most people I don't even attempt to get to know them deeply, after they've shared a few thoughts of theirs out loud, I simply close the door to any hopes we could understand each other and be the friend that other person needs. Some recent, tangible examples:

1. “I've never really discussed politics with friends, it tore the group apart when we did so to be friends again, we declared we won't bring up who we're voting for haha.”

2. “I talked to that problem child and for the first time I thought she could be from, like, a bad family.”

It's always something like this. Actions match as well.

When I do get past something, in order to work with a version of me that ends things prematurely, I still end them. Just later.

I've befriended 2 people in recent years and both have experienced my “It would feel unjust from my end to continue being close friends when we don't feel close” talk. Phrased stupidly for simplification here.

The reaction was the same, oftentimes is. People just don't perceive those differences.

I'd love to hear other people who share this experience. This alienation has been weighing on my heart all my life, I would so love to just have a close friend :')) Does it ever change? What did you do to lessen the feeling of being so alien? / Where did you find close people?

Have u ever thought that ur actual job on earth is to experience every wrong and injustice? So u can represent the silenced, sacrificed and weakest in the link? The empathy and introspection swords ure born with, allow u to identify the root cause, map out the structure and use it to guide souls that're facing those predicament but don't know to get out of the maze?

Every generation faces a shared karmic fate, eg war, injustice from sexism, natural disasters, plague, economic crisis, relationship betrayal. This destiny is unavoidable and the resulting grievances have no outlet. They don't simply disappear with the death of the physical form. They accumulate to form a karmic pool. When the pool is full, it releases at a locality matching it's energy. It is an ongoing process since the age of consciousness.

The "infj" accepted this job bcoz they're capable of handling the weight. Most of them begin childhood on stormy seas, the kind that easily crushes others, imminent death by 5 but not them. Nature is a highly efficient system. The universe will not "assign" this job to a random soul bcoz it's a waste of energy.

Ur greatest contribution in this life ought to be this job. To be the voice for the bottom grazers by self experimenting and experiencing the karmic consequences, and then to lead others out of that particular karmic loop by living by example (thru wisdom and kindness).

I remembered when i was young, I cared about other people, even spending time to write and reply to their messages.

Now, I'm older and have work and family commitments, and hobbies. When I make new friends, I feel less enthusiastic than before while communicating or writing to them. Sometimes, I choose not to reply at all.

Does it happen to you? Sometimes I feel like having an imposter syndrome.

This meme definitely spoke to me. 😁

https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jzOkxaU5IO8/V9s-ROOBjXI/AAAAAAAALf8/j-7xnuHeCa8ZnF7yareuX64vt4K\_-ooZwCLcB/s1600/infj.jpg

I’ve been wondering , are there any INFJs here who are able to have something casual, or at least something that doesn’t have to be that deep?

From what I’ve seen, a lot of INFJs tend to crave deep emotional connections and meaningful relationships

I’ve never really pictured myself doing anything casual
because I naturally want emotional bonding, deep conversation , romance, and something that feels meaningful

But after being single for a few years, I still really crave romantic connection. And being asexual makes finding someone compatible even harder.

So lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to experience some of that romantic closeness without necessarily having a serious, long-term commitment right away. I mean having someone to share affection, romantic dates, cuddles, little moments, and that feeling of being romantically connected to someone.

The problem is, I don’t think I’m actually capable of keeping it casual. I’m not even sure I’d be interested in trying if I knew there wasn’t going to be any emotional connection.

For those of you who *can* separate romance and affection from deeper commitment, how do you do it? And for those who are like me and can’t, how do you deal with that craving for romance when you’re single?

I don’t think friendship completely fills that particular need for me. I genuinely crave romantic connection

I’m just wondering if there’s a way to experience some of it without making everything so complicated