u/AccomplishedArt4394

so there’s something really comforting about the idea of having someone I can lean on too and turn my brain off sometimes . I don’t always want to be the one carrying everything.

I miss romance. I crave having my person. The deep connection , emotional bounding, cuddling, being clingy, doing little things together, feeling safe with someone… all of that.

I keep myself busy and distract myself, but sometimes at night, or when I’m feeling lonely or sad, I still crave that kind of connection.
For me, I don’t think friends can really fulfill that need in the same way.

So how do you deal with it when you still haven’t found ur person ?

but in same time

I don’t want to settle for someone who doesn’t share the same values and depth that I’m looking for.
I know what kind of relationship I want,And I know myself well enough to know that if compromise on something that’s fundamental to me, I’ll probably end up knowing how the story is going to end. It might work for a while, but eventually, one of us will feel like something is missing, and it won’t last..

I’ve been wondering , are there any INFJs here who are able to have something casual, or at least something that doesn’t have to be that deep?

From what I’ve seen, a lot of INFJs tend to crave deep emotional connections and meaningful relationships

I’ve never really pictured myself doing anything casual
because I naturally want emotional bonding, deep conversation , romance, and something that feels meaningful

But after being single for a few years, I still really crave romantic connection. And being asexual makes finding someone compatible even harder.

So lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to experience some of that romantic closeness without necessarily having a serious, long-term commitment right away. I mean having someone to share affection, romantic dates, cuddles, little moments, and that feeling of being romantically connected to someone.

The problem is, I don’t think I’m actually capable of keeping it casual. I’m not even sure I’d be interested in trying if I knew there wasn’t going to be any emotional connection.

For those of you who *can* separate romance and affection from deeper commitment, how do you do it? And for those who are like me and can’t, how do you deal with that craving for romance when you’re single?

I don’t think friendship completely fills that particular need for me. I genuinely crave romantic connection

I’m just wondering if there’s a way to experience some of it without making everything so complicated

I’ve been wondering , are there any INFJs here who are able to have something casual, or at least something that doesn’t have to be that deep?

From what I’ve seen, a lot of INFJs tend to crave deep emotional connections and meaningful relationships

I’ve never really pictured myself doing anything casual
because I naturally want emotional bonding, deep conversation , romance, and something that feels meaningful

But after being single for a few years, I still really crave romantic connection. And being asexual makes finding someone compatible even harder.

So lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to experience some of that romantic closeness without necessarily having a serious, long-term commitment right away. I mean having someone to share affection, romantic dates, cuddles, little moments, and that feeling of being romantically connected to someone.

The problem is, I don’t think I’m actually capable of keeping it casual. I’m not even sure I’d be interested in trying if I knew there wasn’t going to be any emotional connection.

For those of you who can separate romance and affection from deeper commitment, how do you do it? And for those who are like me and can’t, how do you deal with that craving for romance when you’re single?

I don’t think friendship completely fills that particular need for me. I genuinely crave romantic connection

I’m just wondering if there’s a way to experience some of it without making everything so complicated

Being asexual and wanting a romantic monogamus relationship is really hard .

I just don’t understand why people think that if you don’t want sex, then you shouldn’t get married or have a romantic relationship at all. Like, why not just stay single or look for friendship instead?

I don’t know if people understand that friendship and a romantic relationship are different things.

Just because we don’t like or enjoy sex doesn’t mean we don’t want emotional bonding or intimacy. I still want to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, go on dates, have deep conversations, fall asleep next to someone, take care of each other, and build a life together.

There are so many things that can make a relationship intimate and romantic that have nothing to do with sex, and some of those things simply aren’t something you share with a friend in the same way.

I hate the idea that marriage or relationships are reduced to sex. If sex is such an essential part of a relationship, then what happens when people get older and sex becomes difficult or isn’t possible anymore? Do they just stop being a couple?

I still want to fall in love. I still want romance, affection, companionship, and someone who chooses me and wants to grow old with me. I just don’t want sex to be part of that relationship.

I’m 33F, asexual, looking for a monogamous, long-term relationship that can eventually lead to marriage.

A little about me:

I’m naturally curious and love learning about people, psychology, relationships, and life in general. I enjoy deep conversations, and try to understanding how someone thinks.

I’m quite introverted and self-aware, and I deeply value loyalty, stability, and a relationship where both people feel safe, respected, and understood.

170cm/75kg - prefer someone taller than me so i can keep using my heels 😉

I love traveling abroad and experiencing different places and cultures, but I’m equally happy spending quiet, cozy days at home with someone I love. I’m not really into social media and would probably feel more comfortable with someone who feels the same ( so we enjoy our private life) .

I like reading comics before bed, and enjoying little moments that make ordinary days feel special. I also enjoy spoiling myself from time to time, because I think life should have its little luxuries ✨

I believe in clear and respectful boundaries between men and women, and I value a relationship where both people naturally understand and respect that

I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, so I still believe in loyalty, affection, thoughtful gestures, and that feeling of choosing each other every day 🤍

I’m looking for someone 40+ who is emotionally mature, have self-aware + self control, strong character and genuinely ready for a serious relationship. Location isn’t a dealbreaker for me as long as you’re genuinely willing to make a long-distance relationship work and eventually find a way to be together.

I value honesty, loyalty, consistency, and emotional safety. I’m looking for someone who naturally believes in being faithful and keeping his word — not someone who needs to be reminded why those things matter. I want to feel safe with my partner, knowing that I can trust him and that we’re on the same team.

I really value affection. I love cuddling, holding hands, being close, spending time together, and being a little clingy with my partner. I want a warm and romantic relationship with emotional intimacy, companionship, and a deep sense of belonging.

I have children, and I’m open to a man who has children as well, or someone who is certain that he doesn’t want children in the future, as I don’t want to have more children.

I’m also drawn to an old-school relationship dynamic. I appreciate a gentleman who enjoys being a provider and takes pride in taking care of his woman. I’ve spent enough time having to be strong and independent, and I don’t want to live in survival mode anymore.

I want a relationship where I can feel cared for, supported, protected, and looked after. In return, I want to give my partner affection, loyalty, emotional support, appreciation, and a loving home.

Ultimately, I want to meet someone I can genuinely connect with, learn from, laugh with, build a peaceful life with, and hopefully grow old together.

No sex, but plenty of love, affection, companionship, and commitment.

How can I help a 5-year-old child from a distance when I know I can’t actually fix his family situation?

I know I can’t take on another problem. I know I can’t save everyone, and realistically, I can’t fix this family.

But I’m struggling to just watch it continue

This is my cousin’s son. He’s only five, and I’ve been taking care of him in some way since he was born. I’m not particularly close to my cousin because we have very different mindsets.

But he’s my cousin’s son, and because we used to see each other almost every day, he naturally became very close to me. He calls me, talks to me, and sees me almost like a friend.
The problem is, I feel like I’m watching my own childhood happen all over again.

His parents are barely present. His mother works, and even when she finishes work, she often goes out with her friends because she says she needs time outside the house so she doesn’t feel stressed. I’ve really tried to understand her side of things. I understand that being a mother can be overwhelming and that she also needs a life outside of being a parent

But I also believe there’s a limit. And I don’t know what you can do when someone simply doesn’t want to be helped because they genuinely don’t think they’re doing anything wrong.

His father works out of town, so he’s not really around either.

A few months ago, his mother started working in the afternoon. She leaves around 4 PM and is supposed to be home around 6–7 PM. The child goes to school in the morning, takes a nap in the afternoon, and by the time he wakes up, his mother has already left for work

Except she often doesn’t actually come home at 6 or 7. Sometimes it’s 9 or 10 PM because she goes out with her friends after work.
And what breaks my heart is seeing this little boy anxious every day, waiting for his mother to come home.
He’s not a difficult child. He’s actually very obedient and easy to take care of. But I can see that he needs his parents. He needs someone to be there

Today he called me crying and asked, “Can you come here?”
Then he told me he had some savings and said I could use his money to pay for my taxi to come.

That really broke me.

Because I remember being that child. I grew up without my parents being emotionally present and spent a lot of time with my babysitter. So whenever I look at him, I see a younger version of myself.

And I think that’s probably why I’m having such a hard time staying objective about this.

I also know I can’t keep going there every time he needs me. But at the same time, I don’t feel like I can just step back and watch.

Every time I’m there and his mother comes home at 10 PM without seeming to think, “I have a child waiting for me at home,” I get so emotional that I end up arguing with her

Even when I’m not there, he sometimes calls me to tell me that his mother still hasn’t come home. He’ll be crying because he’s scared something happened to her.
He’s only five.

A five-year-old shouldn’t be lying awake worrying about whether his mother is safe or why she hasn’t come home. He shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of anxiety simply because his parents weren’t ready to be parents.

He’s a child. He should be able to trust that the adults in his life will be there for him.

I’m not trying to judge her or tell her how to live her life. I’ve genuinely tried to understand her. But I also can’t ignore what I’m seeing in this child

And the part that keeps bothering me is that he’s only five.

There is still so much time to change things. He’s still so young. I feel like there is still a chance to break this pattern before he grows up carrying the same wounds I did

So I’m wondering: if you were in my position, what would you actually do?

I’m asking what I can realistically do from a distance, when I can’t be physically present all the time ?

I honestly don’t understand why people hate on someone for being transparent about what they’re looking for.

Do you ever feel like dating would be easier if you didn’t know exactly what you wanted or what you couldn’t tolerate?

Sometimes I wish I didn’t know myself quite so well. Maybe it would be easier to just meet someone, get excited about getting to know them, and see where it goes, instead of immediately thinking, “Okay, this probably won’t work for us.”

another day i was asking a question about chemistry and dating, and I was simply trying to be honest about my situation, what I want, and what I’m looking for.

I’ve actually gotten a lot of different perspectives and advice, which I appreciate. If someone doesn’t agree with what I’m looking for, that’s completely fine. People are different. You can simply give your perspective, or just move on if it’s not for you

What I don’t understand is why some people get so defensive about it and start attacking me instead of actually answering the question. And somehow, someone even went through my previous posts here and brought up the one where I was talking about considering the possibility of a lavender marriage

Like… what does that have to do with what I’m asking now?

If I were purely looking for a lavender marriage, then sure, chemistry and romantic feelings wouldn’t necessarily be the point. It could simply be a mutual arrangement based on practical benefits, with everything agreed upon upfront

But that’s not what I’m asking about here. I’m asking about love, chemistry, dating, and how people approach relationships at this stage of life.
I just don’t understand why it’s so difficult for some people to accept that someone can want different things, or even be open to different possibilities depending on the situation.

I know I can’t control how people react, and people are free to disagree. I just find it annoying when someone doesn’t accept what I’m saying and then uses something I previously said to make assumptions about me or influence how other people perceive me. Especially when there are plenty of people who are actually open to different perspectives and willing to have a good conversation

when I already feel hopeless about my life, I still hold onto the hope that maybe I can find love. And then when something like this happens—when I’m just trying to ask a question and end up getting attacked—it honestly makes me feel so sad. Like, maybe I don’t even deserve to be loved at all.

I just realized that some people genuinely treat asexuals like we’re not allowed to have standards or a type because we can’t (or don’t want to) offer sex in a relationship.

And honestly… I find that kind of funny.

Just because sex isn’t something I want to have, why does that suddenly mean I should have no standards or type ? Why am I supposed to just accept anyone who is willing to accept me?

I don’t care if someone has a high sex drive and wants to have sex 50 times a day. Good for them. That’s their life, and I’m not judging them for it. But why do they feel the need to judge me for not wanting sex?

We’re simply incompatible. I don’t want a relationship with someone who needs frequent sex, and they don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t. That should be the end of it.

Have you ever been told that you shouldn’t be picky or have standards because you’re asexual? Like, “You should just be grateful someone is willing to accept you.”
No.
Why would being asexual mean I have to lower my standards?

I don’t know if this is an INFJ thing, an eldest daughter thing, or just me, but I’m honestly exhausted with life. I feel like I’ve lost my spark completely.

I’ve always felt like people expect me to take care of them emotionally, financially, practically, whatever it is. But when I need someone to take care of me, there’s no one. And I’m so lonely. I don’t really have a close friend I can talk to about this. And honestly, I’m not even craving friends.
I’m craving a soulmate
someone I can deeply connect with, rely on, and feel emotionally safe with. I don’t even know how to talk to people normally sometimes.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and now I’m back living with my parents again after years of trying to build a life on my own. There’s no emotional connection here, and the family dynamic is extremely draining. Constant complaining, unresolved issues, people being depressed, not wanting to change anything, and I’m exposed to all of it every single day.

My health has gotten significantly worse. My chronic illness, stress, and insomnia are getting out of control. Sometimes I can barely sleep for two or three days. I’m too exhausted to work properly right now, and that makes everything even harder.

I’ve tried so many ways to get out of this. I worked, built a business, saved money, tried moving abroad, tried starting over. But somehow life kept dragging me back into the same hole. The last time I tried to leave, I ended up losing most of my savings and had to come back home.

And now I feel completely stuck.
The first thing I need is money, because money is what gives me the ability to leave this environment and have enough space to recover. But I’m currently not in a condition where “just get a job” is a realistic solution. I need time to rest and recover before I can function properly again

I’ve even started thinking about whether I should just find someone financially stable and have a provider-type or even lavender marriage, so I can finally have financial security, a safe place to live, and time to recover.
But deep down, I don’t think I can do that without emotional connection. I still want someone I can deeply connect with, talk to, rely on, and feel emotionally safe with. I don’t think I can just suppress that part of myself for financial security.
So I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore

How do you escape a survival cycle when you don’t have the money or capacity to escape it in the first place?

If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, I’d really appreciate any practical ideas or perspectives. And please don’t just tell me to “get a job” — I’m trying to figure out how to get stable enough to function again first.

For those who have been in toxic relationships, including with someone with NPD, and are now in a healthy relationship, I’m curious about something.

Most of my experiences have been with people who made their interest very clear from the beginning. I’m used to intense attention, strong pursuit, a lot of effort, and people making it very obvious that they want me. And honestly, I do like that. I like feeling wanted, feeling chosen, and seeing someone put effort into getting to know me. Effort is genuinely something I value and enjoy. I’ve also experienced love bombing, so I know that intensity can obviously be a red flag.

I usually move quite fast when getting to know someone. If I notice something that doesn’t align with me or something I know I can’t tolerate, I tend to cut things off pretty quickly because I don’t see the point in continuing if our goals or values don’t match.

But now I’m in a talking stage that feels completely different. He’s very slow and relaxed, and there’s no obvious red flag, but there’s also not much intensity or obvious pursuit. And because I’m used to seeing a lot of effort when someone is genuinely interested in me, when that isn’t there, part of me automatically thinks, “Maybe he’s just not that interested.”

At the same time, I’m wondering if I’m simply not used to a healthier dynamic. Maybe this is what calm and healthy actually looks like, and I’m interpreting the lack of intensity as a lack of interest because that’s what I’m familiar with.
It’s very grey, and that actually confuses me more than a clear red or green flag would.

For those who have been through something similar: how did you learn to tell the difference between healthy calmness and genuine lack of interest or effort, especially when you’re used to intense relationships?

Part of me wonders if this is simply what a healthier dynamic looks like and I’m just not used to it. Or maybe I’m genuinely perceiving a lack of effort and initiative because that’s something I need.

I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m recognizing incompatibility, or whether I just don’t recognize calm and safety yet.

I’ve been thinking about this a little more after my previous post

I’ve actually been looking for something like this myself — a place where Muslim women who are single or simply prefer independent living could have their own private space, while still being part of a small community.
I’m curious if something like this already exists somewhere. If you know of any Muslim women’s communities, intentional living communities, or even groups where women are exploring this kind of lifestyle, I’d really love to hear about them.

And if something like this doesn’t really exist yet, I’d love to hear what you would personally want it to look like.
Would you prefer it to be in a city, or somewhere quieter and cooler in the countryside?

Would you want your own cottage or apartment?
What facilities would actually matter to you — a gym, pool, shared kitchen, garden/farm, community hall, prayer space, catering, laundry, etc.?

And most importantly, would you actually consider living somewhere like this?

I’m just exploring the idea because I personally haven’t found a place that feels quite like what I’m looking for, so I’m curious whether other women feel the same way. I’d really love to hear your ideas and experiences. 🤍

It says there are 4 comments, but I can only see 2 of them. The other 2 don’t show up at all
there’s no notification, no “deleted” comment, and no indication that they were removed.

Does anyone know why this happens? Are the comments automatically filtered/removed by Reddit, or is there another reason I can’t see them?

I’m 33 F asexual looking for a monogamous, committed marriage with someone who genuinely wants to be a husband not just a companion or a roommate

I really value affection. I love cuddling, holding hands, being close, spending time together, and being a little clingy with my partner. I want a warm and romantic marriage where we genuinely enjoy being husband and wife, with emotional intimacy, companionship, and a deep sense of belonging.

I have children, and I’m open to a man who has children as well. or someone who is certain that he doesn’t want children in the future, as I don’t want to have more children..

I’m also drawn to an old-school relationship dynamic. I appreciate an old-school gentleman who enjoys being a provider and takes pride in taking care of his woman. I’ve spent enough time having to be strong and independent, and I don’t want to live in survival mode anymore.
I want a relationship where I can feel cared for, supported, protected, and looked after. I want to feel safe enough to soften and be feminine with my husband.
In return, I want to give my husband affection, loyalty, emotional support, appreciation, and a loving home. I want us to genuinely enjoy taking care of each other and growing old together..

I’m looking for a man who wants a real marriage, real affection, and real companionship without sex being part of the relationship.

Salam sister
I’ve thought about buying a house somewhere quiet in the countryside and living peacefully, but as a woman living alone when im older , I’m not sure how safe or practical that would be..

So for Muslim women who are single by choice, divorced and not planning to remarry, or simply don’t see marriage as part of their future

What’s your plan for when you’re older and living alone? Have you ever thought about things like senior living, moving somewhere with a community, or anything like that?

Where do you imagine yourself living ?
Who do you imagine being around you?
How are you planning to deal with loneliness, healthcare, finances, and having someone to rely on in an emergency?

Sometimes I feel like another INFJ might understand me better and be more naturally compatible. I’ve talked to an INTJ and an INFP and it’s been difficult because one feels too logical for me, while the other feels too emotional.

Dating is already complicated for me because I’m asexual and have vaginismus , so sex can be painful for me.
That makes my dating pool really, really small. Even if I find someone who is asexual or has a low libido and could be sexually compatible with me, there are still so many other things that matter..

I feel like I’m also very self-aware about who I am, what I want, what I need, what I can’t compromise on, and what I stand for. And sometimes I wonder if that makes dating more complicated than it is for people who can just date casually and figure things out along the way. Is this an INFJ thing?
I want someone financially stable, but that doesn’t mean I’m simply looking for someone rich. Financial security is important to me because I want to live comfortably, not in survival mode. But I also need someone who shares similar values and mindset, someone I can genuinely understand and who understands me.

Physical attraction is something I could probably compromise on to some extent, but values and mindset are much harder for me to compromise on. I want someone I can talk to about everything every day, grow old together with, and build a comfortable life with.

And I don’t just want companionship. A relationship that feels like having a close friend wouldn’t really work for me. I’m a hopeless romantic. I want affection, emotional intimacy, and romance too.
So sometimes I feel like finding someone compatible is really difficult. There are already so many things I need to consider, and sexual compatibility is only one of them.

So, INFJs, how did you find your person?
or is it difficult for you to do that because you already know too much about what you want and need?
And what MBTI is your partner?

I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if most of us actually do, or if a lot of us are just really good at carrying things quietly..

I look at my own life and I don’t even have everything I want. I’m still dealing with depression, still feeling stuck in a cycle that I don’t know how to break.

I’ve talked to other INFJ who seem to feel the same way some feeling numb, some feeling like they’ve lost their sense of purpose, and somehow it feels strangely familiar

Maybe right now, my idea of happiness is actually very simple.

I want to run away somewhere in the countryside and live a quiet life.
No constant pressure. No endless responsibilities. Not constantly thinking about money, my parents getting older, or everything I’m supposed to figure out.
Just waking up somewhere peaceful. Having someone beside me who makes me feel safe. Being able to sleep peacefully next to someone I trust, in a place where life feels slow and calm.

I don’t even have someone right now, but seeing this makes me really happy. Lately, I’ve felt a little hopeless about marriage.

I’ve seen so many stressful stories that sometimes I find myself questioning, Do happy marriages really exist?

Seeing something like this gives this hopeless romantic girl a little bit of hope again. 🥹

Happy for you guys. May your love and marriage continue to be filled with happiness, peace, and kindness. God bless your relationship always. 🤍

And hopefully, I’ll find mine soon too..

Hey fellow INFJs,
Lately I feel burned out from everything. I’ve lost interest in things I used to enjoy, and even traveling which used to help me recharge now feels tiring too.

I feel like I’ve lost my spark and I’ve been isolating myself more and more. I don’t really have a support system in my life, so I’m trying to handle everything alone.

Have any of you experienced something similar?

What helped you get your spark back, or at least feel a little better again?

I’m asexual, and I also have vaginismus, so sex is physically painful for me. It makes dating and relationships feel even more complicated.

I know some asexual people who don’t experience sexual desire but are still sex-positive or comfortable with sexual intimacy. But for me, it feels different because it’s not just about not wanting sex it can actually be painful.

Sometimes I feel like this makes the possibility of dating someone even harder, especially knowing that sexual compatibility can be important for many people.

Anyone here who feels the same way?