r/yearning

I know you,
but I don’t truly know you.
It’s impossible to forget
the person you’ve given so many firsts.

For the first time,
I added someone’s country
to my weather app,
just so I’d have a topic to talk about

For the first time,
I showed somebody my body
and couldn’t stop smiling
when you praised me

For the first time,
I saved someone’s photos,
staring at them
with admiration,
longing,
and quiet sadness.

For the first time,
I felt seen.
You’re everything I want,
yet somehow
not someone I believe
I’m worthy of.

So I placed you
high above me
on a pedestal
you never asked for,
built from my own desire.

I crave you
with a hunger
that is both romantic
and painfully physical.

Even so,

I don’t know the sound of your laughter.

I don’t know
how you look
when you cry.

I don’t know
what your eyes would say
if they ever met mine.

I don’t know your soul.

I want to know you
inside and out.
But I can’t.
Maybe I never will.

To me,
you’re everything I want
and everything
I shouldn’t indulge in.

Pleasure
wrapped in guilt.

Like a moth
circling a flame.

Like a drug
I keep returning to,
desperate
to feel that first high again.

I use the thought of you
to make lonely nights
feel less lonely.

When I touch myself,
it’s your face I imagine.

You’re my pleasure.
My desire.

But somewhere
between lust
and fantasy,

I wished
I were the one
pouring my heart out to you.

I wished
you thought of me
with the same intensity
as the poems I read
on limerence.

How longing for you makes me greedy.

Yet even then,
these feelings
refuse to fade.

I want to see your smile
when you stop
to photograph
the little beautiful things
Mother Nature leaves behind.

I want to see your pretty eyes
looking up at me
when you go down on me.

I want to watch you
pause for a stray cat,
grinning
as it leans into your hand.

I want to fall asleep
beside you naked.
Our bodies warm beneath the sheets,
a movie forgotten
as we drift off together.

I want you
to want me
as much as I want you.

But more than anything,

I want to see you
simply as yourself.

Not the fantasy
I’ve created.

Not the photographs
I’ve memorized.
And maybe,
just once,

I want you
to look at me
with the same admiration
I’ve spent countless nights
giving to your face
through a screen.

I want.
But I can’t.

Even after giving you
pieces of myself
I had never shown anyone

my body,
my secrets,
my darkest desires,

I am still
a stranger.

Am I naive
to think
that you could be
the love of my life?

Probably.

But I can’t deny
what you’ve awakened in me.

The rawest parts
of being human.

The ache
of missing someone
I never truly had.

The way
your pictures
overwhelm me
until my emotions spill over,
until I hit the floor,
the wall,
throw my phone aside,
as if physical pain
might quiet
the storm you’ve stirred inside me.

I didn’t know
I could feel
this deeply.

This intensely.
This endlessly.

I am someone
who yearns
for years.

Someone who loves
long after
there is reason to.

In the end,
Suppressing these feelings
doesn’t make them disappear.

It only makes me feel
like I’m betraying
the truest part of myself.

i'm always in the middle of

--

wanting to make them feel

how they made me feel

--

and not letting them feel

how they made me feel.

--

it's a terrible place to live,

between clenched fists

and open hands,

--

between the part of me

that still remembers

every wound by name,

--

and the part of me

that cannot bear

to create another.

--

i know

what it is to carry silence

so heavy

it teaches your shoulders

to bend

before your heart does.

--

i know what it is

to replay a sentence

until it sounds

like something

you deserved.

--

to count every pause

as proof

you were too much,

--

to shrink yourself

until your reflection

looked easier to love,

--

to lie awake

collecting every careless word

like broken glass,

turning each piece over

until your hands forgot

what it meant

not to bleed.

--

there are days

i want my absence

to haunt them.

--

i want my name

to ache

in the back of their throat

the way theirs

once lived in mine.

--

i rehearse every version

where they finally understand.

--

where regret

knocks on their door

as often

as it knocked on mine.

--

i imagine them

staring at the ceiling

long after midnight,

--

counting every moment

they dismissed,

every apology

they never made,

every fracture

they never noticed

because it wasn't theirs

to carry.

--

because maybe then

they would understand

--

that people don't break

all at once.

--

they crack

quietly,

--

little by little,

--

beneath the weight

of unanswered nights,

--

empty chairs,

--

half-finished conversations,

--

and the exhausting question

of whether

they were ever enough.

--

i am a bridge

stretched between

two cliffs —

--

one built from anger,

--

the other

from grace.

--

beneath me,

the river keeps asking

which way

i will fall.

--

some mornings

i collect stones

--

just to imagine

what throwing them

would sound like.

--

the satisfying splash

of revenge.

--

the brief illusion

that pain

can be returned

to its sender.

--

other mornings,

--

i skip those same stones

across the water

--

and watch

--

how even heavy things

--

can learn

--

to touch

--

without sinking.

--

because i remember

--

how unbearable it was

--

to become someone

--

who questioned

their own worth.

--

to search for reasons

inside yourself

for someone else's cruelty.

--

to apologize

for existing.

--

to make survival

for living.

--

i wouldn't wish that

on anyone.

--

not even

the people

who taught me

what it felt like.

--

not because

they earned mercy.

--

not because

they deserve

the softness

i was never given.

--

but because

understanding

bought with suffering

--

is still suffering.

--

and i've spent

enough of my life

wishing pain

would become

a language

someone else

could finally speak.

--

it never translated.

--

it only multiplied.

--

pain is an inheritance.

--

it passes

from trembling hands

to trembling hands,

--

asking each person

to believe

this is simply

how love survives.

--

someone has to decide

--

it ends somewhere.

--

maybe healing

isn't forgetting.

--

maybe it isn't pretending

none of it happened.

--

maybe it is remembering

without rebuilding

the same prison

inside someone else.

--

maybe it is refusing

to become

another sharp edge

in another person's story.

--

maybe that someone

--

has to be me.

--

not because

i've stopped hurting.

--

not because

i've stopped wishing

they understood.

--

but because

i am tired

--

of carrying

their wound

--

like it still

belongs to me.

--

i want my life

to become something

other than a monument

to what they did.

--

i want these hands

to learn

they were made

for more

than holding grief.

--

and if i leave

anything behind,

--

let it be this —

--

the hurt

ended here.

--

it reached me,

--

but it did not

become me.

How I long to come to work because you’ll be there. To be in your very presence. To see your face for even a second. To breathe your air. But it kills me. It fragments my very being to know that’s all I get. One second. One second and then you’re gone. One second until the world turns from a crispy violet to a shadowed gray. One second is all I get because that’s all you’ll give me. Unknowingly. I wonder, if you knew, if you knew how I felt, would you give me more? Would you cherish that time the way I do? Would you understand that even one second in the presence of the one who consumes your entire mind becomes more than a fleeting moment. More than an impression. More than just a memory. It becomes the very thing we stay alive for. It becomes art, poetry, love, life. It becomes joy. It becomes the thing I long for and miss at the same time. It becomes excuses, space between words, wonder. My chance at happiness.

But then, my second is up. My time has come, my moment is spent. Then, everything collapses, as if time unfreezes and the rain comes crashing down. And the world is dark. And the room is cold. And I stand there, breathless, wondering how I get that second back. Wondering if there will ever be a new one. And there was, until there wasn’t.

call me my love, call me babe, be patient with me, and just being kind as you are

as a friend

i don’t care that im delusional anymore. im just going to enjoy it while it last even if your actions are platonic.

The curse of the 3 months rule
It always starts the same.
Everything feels exciting, unknown,
almost magical.
Just talking to someone new
feels like a whiff of fresh air.
You’re blinded by the compliments,
the validation,
the frequent texting,
the way every notification
makes your heart race.
For a while,
it feels like nothing could ever go wrong.

Then,
the three-month mark arrives.
Somehow,
everything changes.
The conversations don’t feel the same.
The excitement fades.
You keep chasing the feeling
that once came so effortlessly.
But this time, it’s only you who is.

Their replies become slower.
Less texting.
Less enthusiasm.
Long pauses between conversations.
The validation slowly disappears,
and before you even realise it,
you begin questioning your own worth.

At night,
you lie awake wondering,
“Are you bored yet?”
Maybe they’re busy.
Maybe you’re overthinking.
Maybe… you’re simply no longer
someone they look forward to.

You tell yourself
not to seem desperate.
So you don’t double text.
You wait.
You browse over old texts
Overthinking their words
Finding signs of them slipping away
Hours pass.
You keep checking your phone
even though you already know
there isn’t a response .

Deep down, you always knew.
You were never going to be together.
They weren’t right for you.
Yet somehow,
that never diminished
The intense feelings harboured .

Because it was never
just about having them.
It was the way they made you feel.
Their attention.
Their kindness.
Their words.
Their enthusiasm.
whenever they spoke to you.
You crave every little thing
they used to give so freely.

Every hour they don’t reply,
your feelings somehow grow stronger.
You replay old conversations.
You stare at their photos.
You listen to songs
that suddenly feel like
they were written about them.
You fantasise what could’ve been

The hardest part is knowing
you don’t even have the right
to be upset.
You were never together.
There was never a label.
No heartbreak
that anyone else could see.
Just silent yearning for someone
who never truly belonged to you.

Then one day,
they stop reaching out.
You saw it coming.
Yet it still hurts all the same.
Because no matter
how tightly you held on,
you could never hold on
to someone
Who was slipping through
Your fingers

And that’s when you know.
The clock
has finally ticked its time
And the three-month curse
has claimed another victim’s heart.
Leaving behind nothing
But the walls of texts
As evidence that you were once wanted.

But i’ll never be happy with him.

I’m convinced I feel like for now I love him and accept who he is since we are friends. And some stuffs are acceptable when you are friends.

But when I think about the future, I’m not sure if my insecurities will be able to handle it. If my own mental health can. I am sure he cares about me, but I am not sure how much of that care will extend if we go further, would he be able to reassure me? To accept and adjust? But I don’t want to change anyone. I don’t want to ‘fix’ anyone if we’re in a relationship. That should be something I need to work on for myself.

And for that I don’t want to expect him to change, but also know I can truly feel comfortable with those traits if we were to be dating. So I don’t think I can actually be happy with him, and I don’t want to risk being unhappy with my dear friend.

I want to put this into the void, but before I share it anywhere, I want to share it with you. Firstly, because I love you.
I know that may sound scary, but it’s not a scary kind of love. It’s not possessive, it’s not obsessive, not controlling or transactional. It requires no title and asks nothing in return.
I am simply grateful that you exist.
It’s a healthy kind of love that not all of us are used to so I choose to embrace and honor it by sharing it with all of you because you too deserve to know that you are not alone.
You have witnessed me at my worst and in your own way you kept reaching. You kept reaching even when I was unable to reach back. And in a way, you saved a part of me that I thought wouldn’t make it.
Thank you .
Thank you, thank you.
A million thank yous would never be enough.

I see you.

I see you and I can tell you that even the worst parts of your past that you’ve shared with me do not make you a monster. They are simply stones on the path that led you to who you are today.
And who you are is so much more than you see.
We are fed a narrative from a very early age that we must acquire or accomplish specific things in this life by a certain age or we are worthless .
And that is the biggest lie we’ve ever believed.
They fed us all a shit sandwich and convinced us that it was fillet mignon.

In fact, you are far more valuable because of your experiences in this life. And I know you haven’t even shared the worst with me. Even still, I hope you know that none of it would make me flinch. I wouldn’t even bat an eye.

We have seen real monsters, and we are not them. Not even close.

You hold yourself accountable in ways that most would never understand. And the few of us who do “get it” are busy punishing ourselves as well.

Would you punish a child through the course of their entire life for acting out immorally before they understand the impact of their actions or would you enlighten them, teach them a better way and show them that they are still worth loving and choosing? Empowering them to become their true potential is the only way. So why not accept that you too deserve that level of grace?

We are all children here. No matter how many years we have walked on this earth.
We are all children. Children who have convinced themselves that they do not need to grow, learn and continuously develop until the very end.

Pride and stubbornness coupled with an inability to overcome shame.

I see us all.

I see us all and just there, even in your darkness, I see that little version of you.

And that little version of you is light in itself. A light that this world tried to extinguish.
The very fact that I see him means that they failed.
You are so worth loving. You are far more than you can even see.

Souls like that, like ours, the ones who look back at the mistakes they have made and still carry the weight of it all, well, they are the epitome of what true achievement is.

Not cars, not houses, not material assets, not anything you can hold with human hands.

True assets are held within the soul.

Let’s learn how to set down the stones we carry. The weight of the world belongs to atlas alone and was only ours to carry for a moment.

A fleeting moment.

The truth is, that kind of self inflicted punishment , the stones of guilt, worry and self persecution, they are the teachers but if held too long, become the true enemy of the human spirit.

Our tightly held grip on those emotions can turn illumination and ascension into self deprecating condemnation when not released.

Those stones block your light and keep it from reaching those who need it the most.
You are the only one who can actually remove those blinders so that you can see your value. And when you begin to see how much surviving those experiences have increased your worth, the world around you slowly begins to see it too.

Hardships slowly become opportunities and success replaces the feelings of failure.

I pray every day that you choose to see your journey through the light of truth and not the shroud of false narratives that our world has draped around you.

Because I saw your light when I needed it most. And without it, I never would have made it out of the dark.
So please, with everything in me, let me share a little bit of my light with you. Because you truly are the kind of person who makes life worth living.

I'm a battered soul with a twisted smile, A nervous laugh, a pensive style.

Wrapped in thought, consumed by feeling, A fractured man, yet I'm healing.

Tortured more by mind than scar, Chasing truths that drift too far.

Grasping knowledge where hope had frayed, Searching for light where shadows stayed.

The deepest wounds were not from foes, But those I loved and trusted most.

Yet even pain became my guide, And whispered, "There's a strength inside."

So yes, I am a damaged soul, A wounded heart that seeks its home.

In torment, I found where peace resides, Between anxious thoughts and a love that died.

We learn ourselves when all seems lost; The hardest lessons bear their cost.

Yet what remained when all was through, Was simply this: I'm finally true.

I release the past; I fear no dawn. The future comes; the moment's born.

I dwell within this feeling somehow, And learn the quiet of here and now.

Knowing that I'm healing still, Not seeking perfection, but a quiet will.

I'll find my voice, reclaim my soul; At last, I'm learning to be whole.

Feel warm and loved wherever you are.
I hope that kindness and opportunity wraps itself around your spirit.
I hope that if I wonder into your thoughts, the corners of your lips rise a little like mine do when I think of you.
I hope you never feel as isolated as I do right now.

i hate that i don’t know your name.

i hate that somewhere in this enormous world,
you’re living a life i’ll probably never witness until our paths finally cross

i hate that every time i see a sky full of stars,
my first thought is,
“i hope whoever you are, you’re looking at them too.”

i hate that every friendly dog i stop to pet
makes me wonder if you’d be the type to stop with me,
or if you’d already be kneeling down before i could.

i hate that i don’t know what your laugh sounds like,
or what little things make your eyes light up.

i hate that i have stories i’ve been quietly saving for someone who doesn’t even know i exist.

i hate imagining ordinary moments with you -
late-night drives,
wandering through bookstores,
arguing over what movie to watch,
i hate how hopeful i still am.

i hate that every time i meet someone,
a tiny part of me wonders,
“is it you?”

and i hate that i can’t honestly say i hate any of this.

because if one day i get to sit beside you under a sky full of stars,
i think every second spent yearning for you
will have been worth it.

I crave her in the most vexing of ways.
I wake each morning with an insatiable hunger.
A thirst that will exist until I can hold her in my arms again.
The cost of all love is pain, an incomplete feeling when she's not around.
Constant agony without the taste of her on my lips.
I find myself yearning for her mid-slumber, her warmth absent from my bed.
The thought of her consumes me entirely, there is no greater euphoria.

I tell myself I’m not in love with you, I say to my friends that I was just in over my head. But truly I believe that a part of me will always be in over my head for you, even when I decide that it’s not worth the pain. I lie to myself. I would rather be with you, I just don’t know how to be.

He will smiles at me, laughs with me, chat with me and everything. I know he will. He’s a good man.

It stopped being “would he reciprocate my feelings”, and become “would he take it well.”

Because he’s a good friend. I know he wouldn’t like me back. But because he such a good friend so I stop wondering if he would like me back, and wonder if that smile will stop if I tell him there’s more in our friendship — that I read too deep into our interactions.

I stop wondered if his actions, his words, his every mean anything, because I know for sure he cares and love me.

as friend.

He smiles at me because we’re friends. Standing too close because he’s comfortable being with me. Able to held my hands because we cares. Treat me meals because that’s how he shows his kindness towards his close ones.

I don’t want to risk losing him because I also love him as a friend. And that love is so much more than the romantic love I have.

Do I want to confess? Of course I want to. It burns thinking I could not tell him I feel this much. What if he get scared? uncomfortable? awkward being with me?

I’d hate to lose everything and his trust. I want him to still able to remain the same even if he says no.

Please don’t leave me even if you don’t feel the same. I can’t lose you.

AHHHHHHHH IM YEARNINGGGGG

I low-key just wanna cuddle someone as I spoil them, adore them, love them as they love me back and call me their boy

Like omfg- I just wanna be someone’s lover, be someone’s belonging, be their owned pet even. I just wanna be theirs in every sense.

I wanna be their comfort, their lover, their security, their safe space. The one person they have at the end of the world….

I just wanna belong to someone, be collared like their pet or whatever and just be theirs so so so fucking bad…..

These days,
I resist sleep
the way a shoreline resists the tide,
knowing surrender
will bring you back.

Because you arrive
every night.
Not through doors.
Not through dreams.

But through some hidden passage
between longing
and mercy.

One moment,
the dark is only dark.
The next,
it is carrying your fragrance.
And suddenly
the room remembers you.

I feel you beside me.
Close enough
to alter the shape of silence.

Close enough
that every restless thought
falls from me
like leaves surrendering to water.

Then you lean near.
And I know you
the way the earth knows rain
before the first drop falls.

The way a compass knows north
without ever seeing it.
That is why
I never open my eyes.

Not because I doubt you are there.
But because dawn
is a thief.
And I have watched it
steal you too many times.

So I remain
in that fragile country
between sleeping and waking,
where you still belong
to the same world as me.

And when morning finally arrives,
you disappear
like the last star
withdrawing its light from the sky.

Leaving behind
only your absence,
glowing softly
where you used to be.

A yearnee?

That sounds wrong and Infact autocorrect has immediately flagged it
I don’t know what to call you

And I don’t know a lot of things…
All I know is I want you …
And I don’t know if you’ll be a chapter or a page or even just a sentence in the book my life all I know is that in. This moment I want you !!! So fucking much
I want you to touch me to hold me lovingly to fuck me..

I want you more than the confines of this language allow me to express!!

I wish she existed.

I wish she finds me.

I wish she takes me for herself so I can worship her, adore her, live for her, yearn for her, care for her and exist solely for her…

I just wished I could be hers. Belong to her, be hers in every sense of the word and never feel alone ever again because I’d know that I’d have the security of having her. Because I’d be hers.

I’d be hers in every sense

Body.

Soul.

Mind.

I want to be loved, I want to love, I want to dedicate my love to someone and not feel scared….

I can not keep praying that one day…..

One day she finds me.

You came into being,

Such a tiny, fragile heart,

And in that lovely beginning,

Did our chase start,

You were oh so tiny,

No instinct to persevere,

I was always this close to get you,

But your parents; they were always near,

Then you went into another decade,

You saw me take away,

Some people that you knew,

Some you just met on the way,

You thought you could best me,

Taking risks you couldn't see,

I was watching you mock me,

As you climbed that giant tree,

Suddenly in your twenties,

You called my name in vain,

As if I was a tool for you,

To try to numb and dull your pain,

You didn't think of me again,

As you understood your life,

You now knew that your story,

Will always be filled with strife,

Now you were in your thirties,

Afraid of my existence now,

For now you were the one protecting,

Those little lives somehow,

You wanted me gone,

But I was always near,

Every time you got a call untimely,

You always shuddered in fear,

That call finally came,

Your loved ones, some were gone,

You cursed me oh so much,

Long until the dawn,

Now you wanted from me a respite,

You wanted to see the kids grown,

You wished to see them through,

Grand mistakes of their own,

You have a companion,

Who would live with you all through,

What if I was to take them,

What could you even do?

Your body starts betraying,

You can't see much anymore,

But you want to see some life,

All you hadn't seen before,

Now you have retired,

Once powerful hands start to drop,

You have a huge migraine,

You wonder when it'll stop,

Now you see me everywhere,

Taking my sweet time,

As you visit all those hospitals,

Telling everyone you're fine,

Now you want me to take you,

It's been a while old friend,

You are always in pain now,

But oh this ain't the end,

You lay on the bed,

Your partner's hand you can't see,

A sudden calm takes over you,

This is death, setting you free.

I know it hurts. Let’s set this big baggage down for a minute. I’m tired of that game anyway and only played because I thought the opponents weren’t you.

I’m sorry. But we will come back to that later.

Right now, I’m more worried about your heart .

I love you and I can’t imagine how bad it’s hurting right now. I’m sorry I’ve been a jackass on top of it all.

I hope you know how much I care about you. So much. I’m here for you right now. Just tell me what I can do