r/yearning

I’ve recently come across 2 songs on Spotify called “never knew love like this before” by Stephanie Mills and “on the wings of love” by Jeffrey Osborne and listening to them on rotation has made feel so emotional because I’m listening to these songs while simultaneously imagining a partner who is my absolute type and loves me the way I deserve and want to be loved.

But the weirdest or perhaps the craziest thing is that i don’t even know who this person is. He doesn’t exist in my life yet. But somehow in my head, he does.

I can imagine what it would feel like to have him there, to look at him and know that he’s exactly the person I’ve been waiting for. And then I imagine listening to these songs with him actually in my life, and I swear the lyrics would hit 10 times harder because suddenly they’re not about some imaginary love anymore. They’d be about him.

But in the meantime I find myself on the brink of tears in my eyes and a heart that I’m sure will explode from all this yearning I feel for someone essentially non existent :(

I don't see anyone talk about how complicated it is when you see a father figure in someone that's not your a father. I have a mentor at work and for 2 years he's involved me in everything, we're best friends. He's got his life figured out, a wife and young kids and I feel like a burden bringing my mess of a life upon him.

He often makes jokes about me practically being his son.

I don't think he knows how much it pains me to hear something like that. I've never had parents, and everytime I hear the neighbors children laugh and play in the evening I start missing the things I've never had.

I feel guilty for even thinking of him as something more than a friend, but my mind is just as pathetic as me. I'm 20 now, I shouldn't even need a father anymore. But everytime I see him I don't have a single worry. I wish I had somebody

The way I yearn for you is in a way that tears me apart and rips me to shreds. Somehow you have integrated yourself into every fiber of my being. You are my first thought when I wake up and the last before I close my eyes to sleep. I have many sleepless nights when you are gone because my soul feels the need to be right next to yours. I hate this. I hate how much control you have over me. I hate that you are all I talk about. Every song reminds me of you. Why? What have you done to me? Do you feel the same as I do? Do we interact in the heavens? On a spiritual level, you make me feel alive and seen. Maybe that’s why I long for you so deeply. If you told me you were ready to leap off a cliff, I would go with you so long as I was by your side. I haven’t felt this way for anyone ever. It hurts. I have an ache in my heart that won’t stop. It’s everlasting. I truly don’t know how to feel. I indulge in addiction so as to stop thinking about you so much. Cingulomania. I feel it so strongly. Every waking moment is you. Your name. What are you up to? When can I see you again? Maybe I shouldn’t have told you how I felt… I think this would all be brushed away if I had kept to myself. I made it real by voicing it. It could’ve stayed a thought. But at the same time, I don’t regret it. I feel it deeply and it would’ve driven me crazier had I kept it to myself.