u/DangerousDanDan

Hi, everyone!

I'll try to summarize as much as possible. So, my best friend and I have been very close for almost 15 years. We used to talk almost every day or at least once a week, and we used to be there for each other on our own journeys with anxiety and other mental health issues. She was truly one of the most important people in my life until she started ghosting me a few years ago. The first sudden lapse of silence lasted more than three months, she went zero contact with me while she kept posting on social media about the parties she was going to and stuff like that, so I simply assumed that she was moving on with her life. As you can imagine, this sent me into a big spiral of anxiety and hurt. I was devastated and I grieved the friendship because I truly thought it was over. It's one of the worst heartbreaks I've ever lived through, but since I needed closure, I decided to reach out one last time and tell her how much she had hurt me. Long story short, she was surprised that I had taken the long silence like that, but apologized and told me that keeping up with texting triggered her anxiety, but that she wanted to keep me as a friend. Of course I understood, and even though I was still very hurt, I forgave her and we talked about ways to keep in touch without making each other anxious.

She told me she preferred calls, so the compromise was to call at least once every two weeks. It worked for a while. It was hard to open up again but I was happy to have her in my life. We sometimes texted like before, but I tried to accommodate and lower my expectations while she tried to shorten the periods of absence. Still, I noticed there was an obvious distance between us. She would sometimes ignore my attempts to schedule a call, and as time passed she went back to ghosting me completely.

Now here's where I need some advice. I promised myself that I wouldn't reach out again and that even if she texted me, I wouldn't answer. I have already explained to her how much her ghosting affected my mental health, and I'm not willing to go through that again, no matter how much I love her and miss her. But the thing is, she texted me back a few days ago, apologizing and telling me that she avoided answering me because of her anxiety and the guilt it brought her, but that she misses me and wants to talk. I truly appreciate her honesty and the fact she reached out instead of doing the usual and waiting for me to do it. I know it probably wasn't easy for her, but I don't think I can do this anymore. It pains me to make this decision, but I've been struggling too, and her friendship just makes me feel more alone. The problem is that I feel so guilty about ghosting her back, but I also don't want to make a big drama out of it nor do I want to write a long letter saying the same things I've already told her before because I feel like that would just worsen her anxiety. I don't know how to go about this and my own anxiety is all over the place. Am I a bad person for wanting to end this? Should I continue with our friendship and accept that this is how she deals with her anxiety? I would really appreciate your comments and opinions on this, since I have read that some of you also struggle with texting and keeping in contact with friends.