I (22F) don’t know if I should tell my bf (23M) I’m a closeted bisexual
First time writing here and.. *at all* on reddit, kinda nervous.
Okay so, I (22F) have been dating my bf (23M) for around 4 months and known each other for 8 months.
I realised and came to terms with myself and my sexuality around the age of 17, noticing that from a young age I found both men and women attractive.
All my teenage years I grew the mindset that my sexuality is no ones business but my own and felt no need to mention it to anyone. Maybe I’d poke fun at the idea through jokes and comments in settings with friends or classmates for shits and giggles but never with the intention to come out. I never quite felt comfortable enough to tell anyone, not even my closest friends at that time (and now) as a fear of being perceived differently.
I know it’s cliche and now we live in an age where non of that shit matters and it’s not that deep, but it’s inevitable that especially in female friendships that your mind shifts slightly if a friend tells you they also like girls. And the last thing I want my female friendships to feel is uncomfortable or different as if I see them differently or have them thinking somehow I would sexualise them when in reality my mind doesn’t work like that. I compartmentalise my friends as what they are and feel completely platonic towards them, and put them aside from other women I don’t know, just see, and feel attracted to.. if that makes any sense.
Another bit of information is that, yes I’ve kissed girls. No full make outs, no sex, no relationships, but I feel attracted to women but never had the balls to go for it because I was never surrounded by anyone who knew I was bisexual and didn’t want anyone knowing and never ventured out. The most I did was privately on dating apps and talked to a few girls to build up my confidence, but then met my now boyfriend and now I’m in a beautiful relationship with him.
With that being said, around 5 months ago my now bf and I had a conversation while sharing a cigarette talking about a bunch of things and he just asked with no context “do you like girls?”, I looked at him with seconds to decide if I wanted to take it as an opportunity to live in my truth with a guy I see in a romantic way for the first time or keep it to myself as it’s my business. **Cowardly**, I say no. Ask him if he like guys and he replies “I don’t think so”.
This conversation was then followed by him opening up about his younger brother and how he believes he may like men or would in some way be a part of the LBGTQIA+. Months later I met him briefly over FaceTime and they followed me on instagram and my bf was right. The younger brother goes by he/him, she/her.
Now, the thing I love about this man is that he is a complete breathe of fresh air. He is incredibly open minded, vulnerable, honest, accepting and intuitive.
I’ve open up to him bit by bit more about my life and my own personal battles and misfortunes, and he always treats me and those topics with the upmost sensitivity and respect. So now I regret not telling him straight away when he asked because even if nothing was done with that information, (not planning on having threesomes with anyone anytime soon lol) it could’ve still given me the opportunity to let myself *be* fully myself with the person I now love. And if I said it in that moment I don’t think it would’ve been made into a big deal, at most he’d make playful comments like we do now when we’re out and see a beautiful attractive woman and mutually appreciate them in awe.
I feel very conflicted and confused having this part of me hidden and tucked away but constantly battle the notion of what could change or if there is even a need to share this part of myself with my boyfriend. And feel kind of weirdly guilty in a way for not being completely honest with him as he is with me, and now thinking it’s because I can’t even be honest with myself.