How to better resolve difference in mindsets between my bf (26M) and me (26F)?
For context: My bf and me have been together for 3 years now. We’ve come a long way in our communication, and we are having better understandings of how our thought processes look like etc. However, there is this part about finances where there is constant conflict over, which usually results in talks or even an arguement.
I grew up poor in a low income family. In school, there’d be monetary awards and my family would “borrow” it from me (which they don’t return). At home, my brother would steal from my savings. I started working part-time since I was 16, and I had bad financial management so I’ve always lived paycheck to paycheck supporting myself and currently as I’m working a full time job, I’m repaying my own student debt, and trying to save up money as I go.
My bf grew up comfortable. His parents provided for him, gave him allowance even as he was trying out a job (which brought him little income), paid for trips for him before he had a stable job etc. He rarely had to worry about finances.
Recently, we had an arguement. We have an upcoming planned trip in Europe, and we recently just came back from another impromptu trip with his family. He does not earn much, and since he does not have any debts and commitments, he’s able to save majority of his paycheck. We’ve also decided on a possible long trip around the middle of next year. He recently told me that he wants to go to Europe start of next year, and that he’s definitely bringing me along. When I first heard this, I raised a couple of concerns, particularly about his savings. I also mentioned that since I’m already looking at a long trip in the middle of next year, I am not looking to spend so much money. He then says that he will pay for my flight ticket, which at this point, I started to feel annoyed because this man has zero savings.
He thinks that as long as the money is in his bank account, it equates to savings. To which I disagree, I feel that this extra trip to Europe is unnecessary, and I told him that it is not responsible for him to be spending like this. He then says that time and memories won’t come back, so we should spend while we still could. It eventually led to an arguement because to me, we do have commitments coming up, like buying a house. I also said that if he has money to spare, he should be saving it up, and that unless he has at least $10k of disposable income to begin with, I don’t want him to treat finances this lightly.
Now that I think about it, maybe I did over-react quite a bit over this issue. Married people or experienced people, how do you talk this sort of things out to be on the same page?