I don’t know whether to move on or wait anymore?
I’ve liked a boy for the last 10 years, and he knows it. Initially, we used to talk indirectly for a few years, but during COVID our contact became less. After about a year, I tried talking to him again, but after one conversation he blocked me. I think he did that because of his 12th studies. I kept trying to contact him, but every time after 2–3 messages, he would block me again, so eventually I stopped.
At that time, I was in Nurture and was a NEET aspirant. I used to cry almost every single night during Nurture and Enthuse. I gained a lot of weight and went through many things alone because I didn’t even have a single friend with whom I could share all this. By 12th, I had almost ruined my studies because of all these things and some bad friendships.
Later, during my first drop year, I started studying seriously again. Everything was going well, and I was studying a lot, but around 4–5 months before NEET, he suddenly started contacting me from unknown numbers, giving indirect hints and even proposing, but he never revealed his name even once, although all the information pointed toward him. So I somehow found out his number and proposed to him, but he rejected me.
Even after rejecting me, he still kept contacting me from unknown numbers. Because of all those unknown calls, messages, and everything happening again, I almost stopped studying for nearly 2 months before NEET. Thinking everything was finally over, I changed my number. But then he started contacting my friend from unknown numbers, thinking she was me, so I came back to my old number because of all the efforts he was making.
After some time, his behavior became the same as before. He started pretending again that he didn’t know anything about my feelings or the whole situation, while still contacting me indirectly from unknown numbers. There was even sexual harassment involved through those unknown accounts/messages. Despite everything, after 4–5 months I emotionally melted again and started having feelings for him once more.
I have too many memories and feelings attached to him, which makes it even harder for me to move on or understand what I should do. Currently, he is studying Mechanical Engineering with AI, ML, and Robotics at VIT, while I am going to take my third drop for NEET. I feel completely exhausted mentally because of all this. Whenever I overthink everything or cry, hoping that somehow he might come back into my life, I start feeling a strange kind of pain in my head.
Now I’m extremely confused. Should I move on by leaving everything behind, or should I wait, thinking that maybe if he is doing all this, he might eventually come back? If he truly felt nothing from his side, then why would he keep contacting me from unknown numbers for almost a year? He told me that he liked me, but now he says he’s trying to move on because a relationship between us is not possible. Even after rejecting me, he still gives mixed signals, and I honestly don’t know what I should do anymore.