So I 19F and my manager Andrew (fake name btw) 20M hung out with 2 other coworkers on Sunday. A little background we all went to the same HS and graduated together, we get along and have been friends for a while. After hanging out we dropped them off and it was just me and him. He wanted some buzzballs so I bought some since I have a fake. We parked near my house and drank them he only had 1 since he was driving and I had about 5💀. I didn’t eat the entire day so they hit me but I was conscious the whole time just couldn’t walk straight. I had to pee so he had to hold me while I pissed in a grass field😭💀.
Fast forward we go to the gas station because we where both thirsty and went to buy some fries after. I told him I wanted to go to the swings at the park so we went, he had to give me a piggy back ride since I had taken my shoes off so I could put my feet on the dashboard and the playground had those wood chips and they hurt my feet. We played for a bit and I decided to lay down on the playground house and look at the moon, I told him to lay next to me and we where just talking and making eye contact, I couldn’t handle it anymore and wrapped my arms around him and he went for the kiss. We make out and I give him top for about an hour and a half. While we where doing that stuff he tried to go further but I told him I wasn’t ready to lose my v-card yet, he didn’t mind and we continued. He also asked me if I was only doing this because I liked him or because it felt good and I responded because it felt good😔. I kind off regretted my answer and I asked what he liked about me. He said he liked how we banter and my sense of humor and that he liked me as a person, he then asks me the same question and I respond with “well… I like your arms and your eyes” 💀(his eyes are green btw). Unfortunately I didn’t realize how bad that response sounded until the morning after. He also asked me if I was going to regret this and I said yes and that we should forget about it, he said we don’t have to talk about it if I don’t want to. It was about 1:30 a.m at this point and he carries me back to his car. We get on the backseat and cuddle and make out some more. He gave me kisses on my cheek and I kissed his forehead and played with his hair. This is the most intimate I have ever been with a guy, I have made out with two other ones but have never held any of them like that. He lays his head on my lap and I kiss him on the forehead, he then asks me if this is only going to be a one time thing or what is it going to be. I answer his question with “yeah probably, I already made the first move and I won’t do it again”. We talk a bit more and he falls asleep on my lap and I end up falling asleep too. We wake up at about 3:40 a.m and he takes me back home. I get out of the car but go back inside for one last kiss and leave.
This happened on Sunday and he hasn’t texted me and I haven’t either. We both work together on Saturday and I just hope I can keep my cool. I honestly don’t know how I feel about him, he’s good looking, tall and he’s funny too. I don’t know if he has feelings for me and I’m not sure if I want to know if he does or not. Honestly I get attached easily and I had a really hard time last year because of another guy, I went into a depressive state that lasted for months and quit being sober because of it. I guess I answered coldly because I’m scared of being hurt again and Andrew seems like a nice guy but he has 5 bodies and I have 0. I know body count isn’t that important to most people but to me it kind off is. I don’t mind a guy having 1 or 2 but we are honestly kind of young and 5 seems like a bit much. I’m scared that he only wants to have sex and ghost me after. I want to do this again with him but don’t know if I should bring it up or wait until he does. I don’t know what to do so any advice would be great 😔❤️.