I (33F) am confused by a pattern with my boyfriend (27M) where he lies about small, easily verifiable things. They’re not huge betrayals or hiding other women but it’s consistent enough that it’s starting to bother me.
For example, one night I asked if he had watched porn. We’re both open about that kind of thing and have talked casually about it down to genres, preferences, etc. this is something I had in past relationships too… no judgment, no rules around it, never had issues with this before. My boyfriend denied it and even said I could check his phone. I did, and his Reddit history showed that he had. When I pointed it out, he deflected instead of just owning it.
Another ongoing issue is hygiene. He’ll go 1–3 days without showering or brushing his teeth. Recently, I replaced his soap and towels after doing laundry. A couple days later I asked casually if he had showered while I was working nights, and he said yes. I asked what soap/towel he used, and he named the ones I had literally just replaced—so I knew he hadn’t.
When I point things like this out, he says I’m “interrogating” him or that it’s “his private business.” He also tends to get sarcastic, like “well I guess I’ll just smell terrible then” or “I have to shower so I don’t get yelled at.” I wouldn’t bring up the shower thing if he didn’t smell but he does smell in places you’d imagine a man would smell after working and not showering once a day.
At this point I feel less bothered by the actual issues (porn, hygiene) and more by the pattern of lying and deflecting. It makes me feel like I’m dealing with a teenager instead of a partner, and I’ve told him it stresses me out.
For context, he games a lot (hours at a time), and he admits he can get “behind” on hygiene when he’s doing that but that still doesn’t explain the lying.
Is this immaturity/embarrassment when getting called out? How would you handle this?