I wish i could go back to school
Most other parts of my life have gotten a bit better even after they tried to ruin them. I was able to find another job finally, it's a lot more stressful, nowhere near as calm and chill as my last one was, and pays a little less but it's something. I decided to just go 'screw what my family thinks' and start transitioning and PP was very co-operative, I've made some new friends, not a lot but something, and I'm looking forward to a lot of movies and shows coming out this year and the next couple years, so one other thing I'd love to do is be able to go back to school (there's even a tuition reimbursement where i work), but for one i'm not even sure what i'd want to study since so much has changed, or rather they've changed so much for me in the past couple years. and 2 i just know that no matter what, there will always be someone behind me or in front of me or maybe not even in the room, but they'll always be watching me somehow and I don't know what to do about that feeling. It's not too bad at work because it's a fast paced factory job where there's nothing they could really do anyways but even on the drive home there will still be random traffic and crosswalks with no one around to try and mess with me. I'll even say out loud something like "if this crosswalk turns on i'm gonna ram into this car" and like magic none of them turn on even though when im silent they always, always do, and it's green lights the rest of the way home babyyy. It makes me want to both laugh and cry at the same time because I just don't know what else to do but laugh at the absurdity of the situation and the fact that the rest of my life is gonna be like this because some random fucking guy just assumed i was doing something i wasn't 6 years ago and now i have to deal with it forever