Where to go from here
This is going to be a bit of a rant, but I just need some help.
Feeling unsure of where to go from here. Recently broke up with my depressed partner. They have dealt with depression for years, and during other episodes I was able to be that rock and support system in the way they needed. I thought I knew my role and was someone that they could lean on. However during the most recent episode this was not the case. During this episode they shut down completely, and even minimal contact became too much pressure and they needed more space.
It felt like the person that I had loved so deeply disappeared overnight. On top of this, they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I struggled with confusion, sadness, frustration and then ultimately anger as I couldn’t yet understand the degree to which this illness had a grip on them.
I am trying to start my journey of learning (have gotten a lot of books that have been recommended here in the past as well as starting therapy). I am learning more about why I struggled so much during this time. I think deep down, I was trying so hard to connect with them & to help them as a means of saving myself. I think subconsciously I knew that this episode was hurting me deeply, and if I could just help them out of it then it would save me as well. I am learning that I should have focused my energy on helping myself so that I had the strength to just be there for her on her terms. Instead of pushing for contact and trying to find glimmers of her old self.
We just broke up because it was not healthy the way things were. I am going to take the steps I should have months ago, to grow myself, but I don’t know where to go from here. We love each other deeply and I want to end up with her, but I don’t know if I should go no contact or not. I want to share with her the steps I’m taking to improve and heal, but I don’t want to put pressure on her. I want her to know that I finally hear and understand when she said she needs space, but would me sharing that ignore her ask for space?