Subtle abuse feels so lonely.
Does anyone ever feel frustrated, like they're bending over backwards trying to feel understood?
From the outside, it may seem like I'm losing my mind over nothing. I'm just being "sensitive" and "take things too personally". What people don't see is the bigger picture. It's not just one jab or one small misunderstanding. Its hundreds or even thousands of similar instances that wear me down. The disrespect and disregard for my wellbeing. It's trust that is broken and not built. The bids for connection that get shot down. Still, somehow it's my responsibility to put on a smile and take it on the chin for everyone else's comfort.
Thank you, but I'm not overreacting. I am underreacting because I've been taught that crying while explaining my situation makes me look "irrational" and invites criticism for some reason, because being "franc" with a person who is visibly distressed is appropriate and beneficial. I've learned a lot from you: that you're not compassionate and I will not be sharing anything with you in the future.
Sometimes I wish that the abuse was worse so that I could "earn" the right to use that word, the "A" word. Even so, semantics make no difference in my experience and how I feel. I'd like for others to say, "ah, so this is what you're dealing with" or better yet "we believe you now". But that would mean the abuser is saying the quiet part out loud.
Even if I stand alone in the truth, I will not betray myself.
To everyone else: I believe you. You don't have to be the perfect "victim" either. Cry, scream, curse. I still believe you and hope this post makes you feel a little less lonely.
EDIT: Hey everyone! I didn't expect for this post to resonate with so many people. This community has been so kind and I regret that it was pain that brought us together on this reddit page. I want to thank everyone who left all these wonderful comments and I sincerely wish you all the best.