u/Dapper_Treacle_9971

So I, 25(F), met a 23(F) girl while we were volunteering at a Medical Camp together. Idk if it's necessary to mention that I am Kenyan and she is American, and we clicked from the moment she asked me to translate for her, from Swahili to English. That was on Day 1 of the Camp. We seemed to drift towards each other for the 2 camp days that were left and on the weekend that she was about to leave, we hung out, we went to the movies on Saturday and then I organised a sip and paint "friendship" date and that's when we both knew that we had feelings for each other.

Fast forward to when she left, we confessed feelings to each other 3 weeks later and kinda started seeing each other. This was the most intense feelings of love or limerence I've ever felt and she said it was for her too. I was so deep in it, I couldn't help it. Now I knew I am bisexual, figured that out a few years ago, and she knew she was as well, but it seems like she had been in denial maybe due to her family and Christian background, which set the tone for most of the 3 months we were together.

She brought up things that were pivotal to her: her faith, her relationship with her family and how they would receive the news of her seeing a girl, her Christian friends who she said would not accept this relationship. She also mentioned that she had this life plan, to get married and have kids and live happily ever after as a doctor, mother and a wife.The distance and time difference played a huge part in us breaking up too.

The logistics of it all, since I'm joining Law School in Kenya in a few months and she's joining Med School in America in a few months too, then with the number of years it would take to finish these while keeping up with the relationship and everything was so intense, even I could see, but I believed that we could work through those. She didn't. She thought her brother would abandon her if she came out and her friends too, and it would impact her faith as well, and the relationship would burn out so she initiated a break up like 3 weeks ago, and I took it like a champ, but i am emotionally nowhere close to that.

A week after she broke up with me, I lost my aunt and in the midst of all the grief and overwhelming sadness, I found myself drunk texting and calling her (which I am embarrassed about), but I guess it was just running to my familiar place for solace... I missed sending her flowers, seeing her face, telling her I loved her, watching her sleep, watching movies on video call etc.

But idk, I feel like I discovered parts of myself in the 3 months we were together, that I can love so deeply to a point of maybe abandoning myself because I was ready to move countries to be with her and compromise my values like leaving my childfree sentiments and having a family with her. But the compromises she had to make on her side felt really big for her that she couldn't commit to them. I really loved and still love that girl.

But maybe, we just weren't compatible in realities, maybe emotionally but not in real life. Our bodies were compatible because the phone schmex was good af and I found myself being so open with her and she with me as well. We'd sleep on video calls and talk for hours and tell each other everything and talk about our dreams and futures and stuff. But I guess all that was for nothing, I guess, because the love wasn't enough and she loved me but couldn't choose me. I discovered that the biggest form of love to me, is being chosen, and i wasn't...

How do I move on from this situation? Will we meet in the future? Will i ever find closure? I am convinced that I will never find love like this in my life, at least not from a man, but i never want to go through this with a woman again... idk what to do. I am feeling so lost!