WS wants to reconcile, but says I need to make them fall in love again
Basically the title.
Here’s some backstory.
DDay was back in December. She cut contact with the AP a few days after I discovered everything. We have kids so going no contact was out of the question. We tried reconciling right after I discovered the affair, but the emotions were high. We eventually agreed to put some space between us with the hope of emotions calming down. The space helped, but there were still a lot of arguments. We officially separated sometime in January. She ended up staying the nights at her mom’s. We still saw each other occasionally during the day, but we both mainly focused on the kids.
During that time I was an emotional mess. I could hardly sleep and it was hard to concentrate on anything besides the affair. My biggest outlet was going to the gym. It’s something I still do. I am in a much better place now both mentally and physically than I was a few weeks ago.
Prior to separating we both agreed it was okay for me to go on dates. The idea was for me to feel what she did during her affair. She did not talk to anyone during our separation. After some time we would discuss the possibility of getting back together.
I spent the last two months talking to other women and going on dates. Nothing really developed there, but it was nice getting the attention and feeling wanted. I stopped dating a few days ago. I just wanted to focus on myself and the kids.
We are both cordial for the kids, but all romantic feelings are gone on both sides. Yesterday we discussed getting back together. To me getting back together was being exclusive and having her move back in while we work on the relationship. To her it’s not being initially exclusive, but me courting her while getting her to fall back in love with me and I her. She said once the feelings come back we can be exclusive again. In the mean time she said I can still date, but she will not. My dilemma is that she fell in love with AP without him courting her. I don’t like having to essentially “win her back” by courting her because it feels like I have to work for it while someone else did not.
Any advice?