u/Darlingjamie12

i’m exhausted. I’m so tired. Friday night we talked. He reached out to me to see how I was offering to be there and I’m just hurt. I’ve been trying to push myself to see my friends and to get out of the house, but I feel like I’m not grieving and I feel like nobody is letting me just this everybody expects me to go out or come to their house and do something and it’s like I just want some time to cry and just watch TV in my bed and cry and everybody is just treating me like it’s inconvenient that I’m upset over this

I’m not eating well I’m not sleeping well, but everybody wants me to do stuff. I’m tired. I’m paying my bills I’m taking care of my body and I’m feeding my dog, but I don’t want to go out. I don’t get dinner. I don’t go to a convention. I just want to sit at home and cry.

I miss him so much and I didn’t want this to end

it’s day four now. I’m sad, I keep crying, sleeping is getting a bit better, a tiny bit more ever night. I’m taking more bites of food though I’m not very hungry. But I have friends, I have therapy, I have a great roommate. i have a million messages in my phone of people asking me if I’m okay and if I need anything. I have hobbies and interests.

but I lost my routine. him calling daily for hours, movies, watching shows in bed, sleep overs. I don’t drive and my best friend just moved so getting out to be social seems almost impossible right now. I want to get back to my life after I let myself grieve but I don’t really know how. it’s hard to meet people and I don’t really trust too many friendships with men. I have friends who make effort but so many of them are busy and live far. the gaps are so apparent now and the silence he filled is loud

most of my relationships have been long-term, . All for different but this relationship ending wasn’t a very long relationship and I never really saw the them and I miss them and I don’t think I’m over it but I also just like feel defeated in dating I thought like I found the perfect person but obviously not because they don’t be with me anymore and I just like don’t understand why I can’t find somebody to just be compatible with me and love me. I don’t think that I’m like not enough or unlovable but all of my relationships just keep ending

My first serious relationship as an adult was maybe close to two years but he was an addict so we broke up. My next relationship was also about two years and I was the one that lost feelings and broke up with them. My next relationship was about four years and I felt like we were better off as friends and so did they So we stayed in the relationship a lot longer than we should have. And my other four year long relationship I was constantly cheated on and made to feel insecure and just torn down as a person And he left me because I wouldn’t leave, but just kept getting more insecure and more upset and depressed in the relationship.

And this last one wasn’t long at all, and I really cared about him in a very short amount of time, but he just told me he didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore and it stopped only a few months in.