The evidence is clear: England are unplayable when there's no England band.
Perhaps the tuneless parping and the rhythmless drumming has been distracting our players the whole time.
Sorry lads, there's only one thing for it: we're going to have to melt down your instruments.
Since Saturday, every social media site I've been on has been flooded with Argentinians talking about England and how much they hate us for historical reasons. So far, so predictable.
But one thing I never noticed before is how they refer to us as "piratas" (pirates). I imagine it's supposed to be an insult, but pirates are cool and I think we should lean into it.
Eye-patches. Pirate flags. Writing "piratas de mierda" on stuff.
It would drive them mad and also look boss.
What the title says. Mainly posting as a receipt for later when it absolutely happens.
I read this puff piece on the England band and my jaw was on the floor throughout.
I know everyone says they don't know how to play their instruments, but it turns out they literally don't know how to play their instruments. Or bother rehearsing. They actually seem proud of how crap they are. The only qualification seems to being one of John Hemmingham's mates apparently.
I was particularly stunned by the line: “If you get the mood wrong,” Hemmingham explains, “you’re annoying.”
Dear gods John, you've been getting the mood wrong for 30 years.
What on earth did we do as a nation and as a fanbase to have our atmosphere ruined by these arrogant attention-seeking mediocrities?
And more importantly, how do we get rid of them?
https://dispatch-media.com/the-sound-of-england/?action=signin&success=true
There are few things more dramatic in football than the full whistle going as the goalkeeper launches the ball down the other end of the field.
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But recently, there's been a strange trend of referees blowing for full-time when the ball's out for a corner or goal kick.
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It happened at the end of the Spain v Cabo Verde, and particularly spoiled what should've been an incredible moment of drama.
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Sod the ability to spot a handball, give me referees with a sense of drama.
I guess it'll just be 90 minutes of "England's going all the way" played at the wrong speed then.
No harm in asking I suppose, you don't ask you don't get!
I'm based in London and looking to pick up a last minute spare, please do jump into my DMs if that's you 🙏
The club's announced it's just sold out!
It's excellent news that we're taking so many to Millwall, but slightly sad news for me as I wasn't able to get one.
If you do end up with a spare, please holla 🙏
Hi everyone. I had this idea that a range of merchandise based on the show's iconic "Epstein didn't kill himself" catchphrase would be a great money maker.
I've done a mock-up for a tote bag which I think could be really popular (I promise I didn't use AI).
What does everybody think?