AITAH For ghosting my best friend after she moved out?
I 25m ghosted my 25f best friend after she moved out of my house. Here's the story:
For this story I'll call her Alison. Alison and I had been friends since middle school. We had a 2 year hiccup in high school due to mental issues I was dealing with at the time. I eventually did what I could to restore the friendship and we started talking again.
For a few years after high school we talked every so often, but really started talking again after we had both gotten out of long term relationships. She was living with her sister, and I had moved a few hours away to a larger city.
Her sister got pregnant, and the room Alison was staying in was set to be the nursery. I was buying a house at the time so I jokingly offered to let her move in, which she accepted. I didn't mind, we set up a cheap rent situation where she paid somewhere around 350$ a month for her room, plus a setup for her PC in the game room (for reference, mortgage plus utilities total was somewhere around 1400-1500$, she paid a flat rate 350).
For a while it worked, we'd come home from work, talk about our days, hang out. It was great. We both cycled through a few relationships, and both ended up with long term partners not too long after moving in.
But, I was starting to see cracks.
If she didn't like someone I had around, she was obvious about it. It was clear on her face that she didn't like them, refused to really engage with them and complained about things they said or did later on. She also didn't do any chores. Hobbies were left around the living room, cans, dirty dishes and food left in the game room, etc. Sometimes rent was a little late, though she was good about letting me know beforehand and she never fell behind or failed to pay.
Then politics started ramping up. She really started judging people, and bragging about her own mortality. What got me wasn't what she stood for, but the hypocrisy. She would brag about how uncomfortable she made men that made sexist jokes, but talk at home about how much she hates men. She'd bash people for being manipulative and controlling, but talked to my girlfriend because she thought she paid too much in rent after she moved in (despite my girlfriend deciding herself how much to contribute) She smacked one of her boyfriends friends for a comment he made and constantly complained about them.
She was mean to my friends and family, to the point where my friends silently refused to come over. She also didn't want to be around when they were over. One of my friends came out as bi, Alison refused to ever meet his boyfriend because she "couldn't handle meeting him knowing he's with *my friend*). Which was honestly a weird sentiment from someone who has so much love for the LGBT community. We did however have her friends over quite a lot. Her boyfriend stayed multiple days a week to get out of the dorm.
What's worst of everything is how sensitive she could get. She cried constantly. Someone corrected her at work, she'd cry. Someone bad mouthed Taylor Swift, she'd blow up and talk about it for weeks. Anything you said to her could cause her to spiral.
What really got me was the time we went to the fair. She decided to invite a mutualish friend named Kaylee and other named Steven. Both were single, though Kaylee asked not to be set up with anyone. Just a if something happens let it happen naturally kind of deal.
We went with a decent sized group that Alison kept trying to keep together and lead. Eventually we split, a few of the couples went off separately from us. After half an hour or so Alison made us all meet up so we could "save the girlies" in that group from hanging out with the guys. Well, one of the guys asked her what the problem was with splitting off, he was just hanging out with his girlfriend. Alison did not like that confrontation. She stormed off, drunk, without her phone, crying.
She eventually found us, but by that point the mood was ruined. We had been worried, pissed off, overall just unable to enjoy the fair. So we went home. The entire drive home Alison kept talking about Kaylee's tits, and insinuating she should get with Steve tonight at our house.
Kaylee kept just saying "I'm just here" and was obviously uncomfortable. I ended up blowing up at Alison for this whole scenario. It's something that built up because I was always afraid of sending her spiraling if I criticized her. This time I let loose and told her how I felt.
Eventually she confronted me on it. Asked for examples of times she reacted poorly. Told me that she felt like she couldn't be herself around me anymore. I didn't know what to say. My thoughts were "good. If that behavior is who you really are you shouldn't be yourself around me"
Her and her boyfriend moved out a few months later. I visited once, helped her pack the trucks and such. One day she called while I was on the phone with a buddy and I just felt exhausted. So I declined the call and blocked her everywhere I could.
I was just tired of the drama. I didn't feel like I had ever gotten anywhere expressing how I feel to her, and just figured she can be the person she wants to be. Anything I said would just hurt, but wouldn't change. So I didn't say a word.
I still don't know if I did the right thing. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss having a friend that close, despite the issues.
There's obviously a good amount more to the story. I kept questioning if I was the bad one. I tended to blow up on her rather than address concerns over time which caused bigger fights. I don't have this problem with anyone else, me and my girlfriend always have a healthy dialog and haven't ever really fought. Maybe it was just that fear of her reaction. Either way, I definitely wasn't perfect.
Sorry for the long post, this is as much a rant to get things off my chest as it is a genuine question. AITAH?