u/Dazzling-Fox5750

This is not my first post here. I keep swinging between “I’m okay” and “I feel really bad.”
3.5 months of no contact.
And all I got from him was a small birthday message a week ago, and a few days later he posted a status where he used a phrase of mine from our last argument (even though it was said without any negativity toward him).

And I realized that this person spent 3 months just holding a grudge and waiting for me to run back again to apologize… to fix things… this relationship was alive because of me. And he was becoming more and more bold. And this time, you can see how far that boldness went.

He was so sure I would come back (as always)… in 3 months he didn’t ask once - how I am? how I feel? am I okay?
As if I simply don’t exist.

And the truth is, if he had really moved on and forgotten me, that would be one thing… but no, I’m in complete disappointment… he just held onto resentment, pride. Just so he wouldn’t write to me first.

He had full access, but he only “finally made a move” after I blocked him a week ago.

Now I just deleted my account forever (and it can’t be restored). That was tthe last tie that bound us which I could see anything at all. I feel like it’s the end, I feel emptiness. I feel like if I had waited a bit longer… maybe?
But he did nothing for 3 months even with full access…

I feel like I did something wrong, but I truly couldn’t keep living and watching all these grudges… I don’t want to participate in these games anymore :(

His small birthday message gave me that tiny bit of hope, but the next status about resentment broke me even more… I can’t do this anymore.

and I also can’t watch him just play cs 24/7

I hope I did the right thing. Now I don’t even have a way to observe anymore.

I recently made a post saying we’ve been in no contact for 3+ months. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday, and right before my own birthday (recently), I blocked him.
On my birthday, he put up a status that was basically a birthday message for me. I didn’t react at all. He kept that status up for 2 days and then changed it… to a phrase from our last fight 3 months ago…

Guys, I’m honestly shocked.
For 3 months I’ve been trying to put myself back together, living with the thought that he simply forgot about me and moved on.
But instead, he just keeps holding onto this resentment game (even though I DID reply back then, and he was the one who went silent afterward).

I’m so disappointed.
Honestly, I’d rather he had truly forgotten me already.

He’s been keeping this passive-aggressive status up for a week now, and I still haven’t reacted.
Sometimes I want to unblock him and ask what all of this is even supposed to mean, but deep down I already know the answers...

Why are they so convinced that we’ll keep chasing them forever?

I wrote before that I was in a relationship for 4 years. This is our third breakup and it’s the longest one so far (we’ve been in no contact since February 1st). He just suddenly cut me off without any reason, and for the first time I stayed silent in return. I didn’t chase him, I didn’t post sad statuses, I didn’t show myself in any way. It’s like I froze in response.

During this time I realized a lot of things.. about cycles, value, and all of this behavior… and I’m leaning toward the idea that he probably can’t really change

During our first breakup he left, but he came back on his own (because my sad statuses made it obvious that I was waiting for him). Everything became so sweet and loving again, but then he left once more after 3 months… and now, during this third breakup, I finally recognized these cycles.

He is most likely fearful-avoidant/anxious-avoidant. He was capable of stable closeness, but he was also very afraid of responsibility.

So I’m asking for your advice - what should I do?

I didn’t remove or block him for 3 months, but the day before yesterday (2 days before my birthday) I blocked him. I did it because I wanted to cut off the pain immediately from the thought that he might not congratulate me at all (he did that during the first breakup too).

And today, on my birthday, instead of deleting me, he posted a status congratulating me. And apparently I’m the only one who can see that status.

Is this really all I deserved after 3 months of silence? And what should I do now?

I thought he would never appear again after I blocked him…

I want to share my experience to get an outside perspective and finally organize everything in my head.

The first time, I went to see him. The second time, he suggested we move in together, but when it came to actually doing it, he said he felt uncomfortable and couldn’t go through with it.

After the first breakup, he came back, and this time everything felt “perfect” - very warm communication, closeness, and the feeling that things were finally working. But after about 3 months, he left again.

After that, there were three main conflicts/breakups:

• First conflict (≈2 months of no contact): he directly said,“I don’t need this, I’m leaving.”
• Second conflict (≈2 months): simply, “let’s break up.”

After that, we still had some contact without a clear status or stability, but it was already inconsistent.
• Third conflict (3+ months): he completely stopped replying and ignored me with no explanation

Right now, I’m finally at a point where I’m not waiting for him anymore.

Thanks to Reddit and reading similar stories, I finally see the pattern: it was a cycle that kept repeating, and he most likely was never going to change within this dynamic.

Emotionally I’m still processing it, but I have clarity now.

Honestly, if he ever comes back again, I don’t want to fall back into the same cycle. I’m not sure what the right response would be in that case - ignore him? not reply at all? or block immediately so there’s no room for re-entry?