u/Dazzling-Paint7406

Mezzo. This is about high mix belting mostly. Everyday I just feel sorry for myself and the time I’ve lost from not knowing what to practice or how to practice to actually make progress. I still cannot sing any of the challenging repertoire I’ve been working on for years.

I’ve been singing for many years and am self taught mostly by mimicking my favorite singers and seeing what feels good. I have tons of traditional and show choir and musical theater experience. Because of these prior commitments I’ve had a few lessons in the past but I cannot afford them on my own and I don’t know if I ever will be. Between rent and gas and barely making $14 after taxes I’m just burnt out trying to sort finances out.

But I don’t want to give up just because I can’t afford proper lessons. I just want to be able to sing my favorite songs by Ariana and Zara and Celine. I want to book lead roles. I know it requires time and practice, my issue is I just feel like I’m never practicing the right things and that is just so heartbreaking to me. It sucks feeling so lost all the time. I’m so committed to spending the rest of my life becoming the most skilled (healthiest) vocalist I can be and I don’t know how to fulfill that and I lose skill everyday I cry through it instead of practicing.

I don’t know if this is just an aging thing but it seems like every passing day, the people in my circle and strangers around me just get farther and farther away. I’ve struggled immensely with anxiety and poor self-confidence and it makes it hard to talk to people, but I still want to try and put myself in social spaces. I hate it when people say to just try clubs as if I haven’t tried 3 clubs already. One of them was racist and destroyed my confidence and hope for connection at this school. I know these are anxious thoughts and people are out there, but I don’t know where to find them. I don’t know which other part of my life is gonna give me space to make friends as an adult. I don’t know what’s wrong with me because it really does feel like it’s me. It makes me so sad.