u/Dazzling-Product-588

Hello.
Never mind me. I just need somewhere to vent. I might post this in a few places because I honestly don’t know where else to put these feelings.
My heart is killing me.
I’m a 33-year-old man. Today, August 10, is my ex’s birthday. Tomorrow is mine.
I left her.
I was foolish.
At the time, I thought I had to choose between focusing completely on my career and not being there for her the way she deserved, or giving up on my dream job and staying with her.
And I thought giving up on my dream would kill something inside me.
So I chose the job.
I left her because I didn’t want her to spend years in a relationship where she felt ignored or alone. In my head, I was protecting her. I thought I was doing the right thing.
I was young. I was stupid. And I thought I had everything figured out.
The worst part is that we still cared about each other.
It’s been six years.
I haven’t loved anyone since her. I haven’t trusted anyone the same way. I haven’t even really allowed myself to like someone, kiss someone, or get close to anyone.
She was the only person I felt completely safe with.
Today is her birthday.
And next month, she’s getting married.
It’s destroying me.
I’ve been crying so much today. I haven’t cried like this in six years.
I think everything I’ve been holding inside for all these years just came crashing down.
I remember telling her that I was too pathetic and too broke to marry her. I didn’t want her to end up in a marriage where she wasn’t happy because of me. I wanted to be able to give her something stable.
And then I realized how foolish that was.
If I could go back, I would take almost any job. I would have fought harder. I would have figured something out.
She used to ask me, “Why didn’t you fight for me?”
“Why didn’t you do this?”
“Why didn’t you do that?”
And honestly, those questions destroyed me because I didn’t have a good answer.
I thought I was doing what was best for both of us.
Maybe I wasn’t.
And now I saw a picture of her fiancé giving her flowers.
That was it.
Something inside me just broke.
I want to make something very clear: I don’t want to ruin her wedding. I don’t want to interfere. I don’t want her back.
I lost her.
And I genuinely hope she has a beautiful life and that she’s happy.
I just feel like I’m grieving someone who has been gone from my life for six years, and somehow today it finally hit me that she’s really moving on.
I know I have no right to feel like this. I made my choice. She moved forward.
But man…
It hurts.
I just needed to say it somewhere.
I’m not really used to Reddit and I might not be able to reply to everyone, but if anyone just wants to talk or DM, I honestly wouldn’t mind.
Sorry for the long post.
I just needed somewhere to put this.

Hello.
Never mind me. I just need somewhere to vent. I might post this in a few places because I honestly don’t know where else to put these feelings.
My heart is killing me.
I’m a 33-year-old man. Today, August 10, is my ex’s birthday. Tomorrow is mine.
I left her.
I was foolish.
At the time, I thought I had to choose between focusing completely on my career and not being there for her the way she deserved, or giving up on my dream job and staying with her.
And I thought giving up on my dream would kill something inside me.
So I chose the job.
I left her because I didn’t want her to spend years in a relationship where she felt ignored or alone. In my head, I was protecting her. I thought I was doing the right thing.
I was young. I was stupid. And I thought I had everything figured out.
The worst part is that we still cared about each other.
It’s been six years.
I haven’t loved anyone since her. I haven’t trusted anyone the same way. I haven’t even really allowed myself to like someone, kiss someone, or get close to anyone.
She was the only person I felt completely safe with.
Today is her birthday.
And next month, she’s getting married.
It’s destroying me.
I’ve been crying so much today. I haven’t cried like this in six years.
I think everything I’ve been holding inside for all these years just came crashing down.
I remember telling her that I was too pathetic and too broke to marry her. I didn’t want her to end up in a marriage where she wasn’t happy because of me. I wanted to be able to give her something stable.
And then I realized how foolish that was.
If I could go back, I would take almost any job. I would have fought harder. I would have figured something out.
She used to ask me, “Why didn’t you fight for me?”
“Why didn’t you do this?”
“Why didn’t you do that?”
And honestly, those questions destroyed me because I didn’t have a good answer.
I thought I was doing what was best for both of us.
Maybe I wasn’t.
And now I saw a picture of her fiancé giving her flowers.
That was it.
Something inside me just broke.
I want to make something very clear: I don’t want to ruin her wedding. I don’t want to interfere. I don’t want her back.
I lost her.
And I genuinely hope she has a beautiful life and that she’s happy.
I just feel like I’m grieving someone who has been gone from my life for six years, and somehow today it finally hit me that she’s really moving on.
I know I have no right to feel like this. I made my choice. She moved forward.
But man…
It hurts.
I just needed to say it somewhere.
I’m not really used to Reddit and I might not be able to reply to everyone, but if anyone just wants to talk or DM, I honestly wouldn’t mind.
Sorry for the long post.
I just needed somewhere to put this.