u/DazzlingStars-22

I’ve always had many bad experiences with people at church. I’d experience rudeness from others when I’d go to mass. I’ve had people glare at me many times for long periods of time and not look away. In many instances people have even laughed at me and they weren’t discreet about it. People have scooched away from me while giving me dirty looks and in some instances have gotten up to move to another bench or stand elsewhere. I’ve also been ignored during the sign of peace even when I smiled or extended my hand out. Each time any of these happened I’d feel absolutely humiliated. I’d want to cry and many times I had to fight back my tears from coming out. It’s such a shame that people at church behave this way. It’s gotten to the point where I stopped going for a while because of this. I don’t feel comfortable going back anymore. If I ever do decide to attend again I’ll probably do so online but I don’t think I can bring myself to go in person no more. For those who attend church or have attended before, what have your experiences been like? Were people nice and welcoming towards you or was it the complete opposite?

I genuinely look disgusting in photos, it doesn’t matter what angle I try or how much I practice they always look terrible. My facial features look much worse on camera making me look even more ugly. It’s why I avoid being on camera as much as I can. I don’t know how so many people look so good in their pictures without having to try hard. I don’t look normal in mine meanwhile everyone else can snap a quick selfie and look nice. I once took numerous pictures of myself and they all looked horrible my eyes especially looked heavily asymmetrical in all of them. I deleted all of them and I cried afterwards. It’s so bad to the point where seeing my face causes me to get thoughts of wanting to die. It’s made many things hard for me, I once had a class in which you had to record a video introducing yourself to the class. This was online by the way but I ended up dropping the class because I couldn’t bring myself to do the assignment.

Even when I had my picture taken for my student ID card I cried after seeing how ugly I looked. It’s why I barely use my ID card even though you can use it for many things because I don’t want to show others. I once had to though when I wanted to speak to a counselor. The girl who took my card looked at it made a face then looked back at me with a slightly disgusted expression. Also she was very nice and bubbly with the students before me but when it was my turn her demeanor changed and it only got worse when she looked at my card. I hate it and it doesn’t help that I’ve been told many times before that I look really bad and ugly in photos. I just wish I looked normal and pretty. The only time I ever looked nice in photos was when I was a little kid before puberty hit me. After that everything went completely downhill for me and it’s only been getting worse the older I get.