u/Dazzling_Local9736

My little sister died on December 29th, 2025. She had leukemia, she was 18. Before she died I was such a strong Christian, I loved God so dearly and my entire life revolved around him. I got baptized just two weeks before she died. When my sister was on her death bed, the nurse came in and said “I’m gonna check for a heartbeat” and I prayed, over and over so so hard. There was then no heartbeat, since then I’ve had such a hard time going to church and praying and believing there is a God. I can’t sing worship songs anymore because so many of them are like “He has never failed me” but I don’t believe that. Not right now at least, I’m so scared I won’t get into heaven and see my sister. I’m scared that I’ll never see her again, has anybody ever felt this way? Am I stupid? I don’t know how to get closer to God again, every time i try to pray, I just cry

Nothing came back. My stomach and small intestine look “perfect”. I’m so angry and sad and I’m just feeling so many negative emotions. I’ve been so sick for the past year, I’ve lost 70 pounds, none of my clothes fit anymore, I can barely fucking eat I mean god damn, I did that prep for nothing.

I don’t know if this makes me weird but I’ve recently started to LOVE lavender flavored things. Anyone know of any lavender flavored ice cream that you’d recommend? I saw some online but they all have lavender + something else, I want it to be mostly if not all lavender flavored.

VENT but advice is welcome and comfort is needed if possible, thank you stranger 🫂

My little sister died from cancer in December of 2025. I haven’t been the same since and I just feel so trapped in this sad version of myself, I miss how outgoing and friendly and lowkey I was. I’m so scared to lose everyone so I try so so hard to keep them and it has the opposite effect. I lost my best friend after my sister died because I was putting too much effort in and she didn’t like it. I want to just go back to how I was before my little sister died. I hear that I never will be able to be that person again and it’s so heartbreaking to me. My boyfriend has brought it up to me as well that I’m just trying so hard and I’m meaner now

I just kinda hate myself.

I didn’t prep a week before not even the day before because it didn’t say to do so in my paperwork. I have extreme emetophobia and I’ve already had the anxiety sickness. I’m doing the suflave prep, does anyone have any advice at all on that specific prep? If not just any advice if you’ve had one recently. I’m so scared I’m gonna throw up from it, I have suppositories for nausea but I haven’t tried them yet. I’m freaking the f out right now. I have chicken broth, white Gatorade and jello. I have to start tomorrow (5/4) at 5pm MDT