Todey iz hot webber. Meowmy getz lotsa bockses. She openeded da bocks and pull owt a fing. She puts it on meownself an call it a "harmis". I kinda like it but she gib me treetz so iz fine. Wat dis "harmis"? Iz it saf? Duz it always gib me treetz?
Frens, o mine gud gud frens, it haz happin to me. Da horrer!! Da indignitee!!!
Meowmy sez I not cleenin mine börthôle enuf. Las cupl deys she wipeded poopoo off mine bòrt. But tuday she sez I not groomin mine own self bery gud. She madeded a bin ov warrm sopey waturr in da hoomin soup pot [bathtub], pickeded me upp, and... and...
SHE PUT MINE BØRT IN DA WATURR!!
AN SHE WASHEDED IT AN TUCHED MINE BÖRTHŌLE!!!!
I mewed planetivly but SHE DID NOT STOPP until all mine bõrt wuz cleen an WETT!!
She gib me treets after, but den she comed fur me wif a cloff an tried to RUB MY PERSONAL BÒRT SUM MOAR!! Dis wuz moar dan enuf an I runeded awey an did a hiide under longhair skinkitten tabl. Longhair skinkitten would NEVUR! But Meowmy, she dareded do me dis TORCHUR!!
Sen pawyerz, frens, an bôrthöle aboos cownselurs!! No pickshur ov mine indignitees.
Papas da Chonk Potat
[Meowmy note: he's already seen the vet and is on meds, he's just not been lifting his tail lately and it got bad enough that I took care of it for him.]
Wun of mine chimkin frens what live in da ouside go away. Do chimkinz go to da ranebow bridj?
Meowmy bring me 2 noo chimkin frens! I get to go in da ouside an wach dem. Now I haz meny chimkin frens! I don't chais da chimkins, I jus hang owt wif dem in da ouside. Meowmy sez dey not com to de inside, but herz callz it da "big cooop". She sez dey mak blu eggis.
I reeded dis buuk. Iz gud buuk. Dis wats gud abot it. Iz a shurt buuk, so I can reed it in betwen napz. Also, it abot cats. It say bery gud fings abot cats. Also it hab a cat on da cubber. An mine Pawther reed it to me. Himz posabl fumbs iz gud fur turnen pagis. So I gib dis 2 paws up.
Papas da Chonk Potat.
Dis Papas da Chonk Potat. Mine Meowmy an mine person da growned up longhair skinkitten haz ben doin a lissen to a bok calld "Dunjun Crawlar Carl". Iz abot a Cat iz namd Prinsis Donut an herz hoomin Carl. Dey hab a aventur in a dunjun, wich iz lik a big hole in da groun full of majik an bad monstars. Der iznt meny uder cats, just wun oder cat an a catgirl, wich iz not da sam fing.
Dis bok not hab enuf cats for it to be wurf yu wile to reed. Mebbe yu hoominz dum enuf to njoy it dough.