Advice for a college kid 21f? Bf 22 m of 4 years. Ex?
I’ve been with my bf for over 4 years, started dating sophomore year of highschool, currently in college. My second real bf. I depend on him financially, but can survive without. I’ve left 2 times when both of us were drinking due to his anger. To be clear if a man starts yelling at me at the top of his lungs (both intoxicated) and is rough with furniture, i say nope and call a ride. He‘s an over-thinker, which i understand to a point, but I’ve put my foot down that I can where what I want when I want (started with leggings). I could list reasons as to why this is a bad relationship or the best one imaginable. Point being i dont know what is a “real” red flag is. I grew up in fighting and divorce, “I hate you” and leaving is normal, in a sense. I started dating him about two weeks after breaking up with my first boyfriend of 2 years, and have been together since. I do think about first boyfriend sometimes and wish he would magically take me back like nothing had happened. First boyfriend was last resort a year ago (first time I left) and only one to answer my call at 3 in the morning to pick me up and take me to my mothers , driving an 1 1/2 to pick me up and then drive back. He was so nice and just truly cared about my well being and nothing else.
Last week, I started crying from exhaustion and stress when telling current boyfriend about my day, (also have sleep disorder(made it worse)) and he kept arguing and adding to it making it worse, lowkey think he was smiling and made him feel better about his ‘bad day’ at work (everyday). Anyways, I want to reach out to first boyfriend but know I shouldn’t. Which make me think I’m not happy and current bf isn‘t healthy/what i want. or it’s the idea of first boyfriend (romanizing?) ? I honestly don’t know what to do. advice?