my abuser showed up at a show i was in (tw)
For some context, the theater program I’m in is closing up for the semester, so we had a few shows to end it off. I had been in the same building for >13 hours a day for over a week and I was *exhausted*. My friends and family had come to see the show one of the nights, and I was so grateful for them to be there. I’d become certain by closing night that my father, the source of my C-PTSD, wouldn’t show up. He did. I was running sound for the first act and saw him from the tech booth. In the second act I had two scenes, and bows directly after. Typically, at the end of bows for this particular show we’d just go out in the house to greet friends and family. However, I saw him with flowers and a huge smile on his face, turned around, and went straight backstage. I’ve never thrown up from a panic attack, but between acts I had thrown up, between scenes I had, after bows I had, and then again when I got home. I have never felt so horrified and sick at once. In public with him I know I’m safe, especially with some friends being in the show, and with our theater directer there. But for the first time I felt otherwise. I’ve had him blocked for over a year, he’s made repeated contact, and even showed up to an award ceremony I had a month ago. However, at the ceremony I had my mother, my best friend, and her family. This time I was completely alone. Everyone went to their own family and it would have been just me. Through some friends who stayed back after, I found out he was waiting for me until the theater closed. I feel so guilty, and I hate that I do. I still feel so sick and I feel like I’ve been set back on healing. I talked to my therapist and she said it’s starting to seem like he’s stalking me. I’m stuck, I’m exhausted, I just can’t do this anymore.