My loneliness is an insecurity that will destroy my best relationships
Recently, a girl i was talking to last summer reached out to me. I got too attached which is why it ended in the first place but she has been thinking of me ever since we parted ways. When she reached out I had so many emotions run through me and all i could think about was how much we connected and how much we cared for each other.
She has friends she sees all the time, every day, and it makes me feel like I'm not going to flourish socially as much as her. I understand we are completely different people and I shouldn't be working myself up over something like this, but its eating away at me.
She is just busy and I am not. I have a job but I make my own hours and it's not enough to keep me busy as much as her. I have so much free time every single day that I don't know what to do with and it makes me feel like I'm not going to be content with my life as much as she is with hers. Im afraid this will lead her to walk away again, but permanently this time. I think I just have to get a second job to keep myself busy, but a part of me likes waiting for her to text me back. However a significant portion of me wonders why she isn't texting me if she missed me this much after a year.
It might be out of proportion or asinine, but this girl i think is the one and I dont want to mess this up. Im keeping myself in check by not telling her any of these things nor letting these thoughts reflect my actions towards her, but it is genuinely eating at me to the point where I thought that since shes in my life again, I had all the missing pieces laid out to me but i dont think it changed anything.
tl;dr - How do I accept my loneliness as solitude when others can do it so much more effortlessly?