u/DearTough8796

Hispanic saying the N-word?

Soooo.. hey yall black 23(F) here, been talking to this Hispanic dude on and off for about a year now. He came here illegally maybe four years ago and works construction around other Hispanics and African workers (will become relevant later).

His English was never that good, it’s improved in the time that we’ve started talking, but he had an European English teacher and works around Africans with a thick accent so his English is a bit finicky. Today while chatting on the phone we somehow got onto the subject of race and racism, me at some point asking if his family was racist too and him asking me the same. After telling him that my mother really just only dislikes white people (sorry it’s true LMAO) he proceeded to imply that was a good thing and that he was black, and then said he was “a nigga” 😐 The thing is though, he didn’t seem to be joking. I know the concept of race is a bit different where he’s from (Nicaragua, if they even have one) and he is a darker skinned Hispanic man working around other black folk, so the n-word usage didn’t really surprise me, however i immediately told him to never say that word and tried to explain (rather poorly) why he shouldn’t.

He didn’t continue to say it but I don’t know in what way I should have reacted and if I’m being too understanding or not understanding enough in this situation. I wasn’t surprised, and I want to be disappointed but I can’t say it wasn’t one of my fears/expectations with dating certain foreign men as I stepped out on this journey. How do yall feel about this? He’s a cool guy but would you cut him? I don’t think he meant offensive by it but does that even matter? Would I be wrong to continue to speak with him?

Be nice to me I’m new to this 😭

EDIT/UPDATE:

Based on the responses it’s sounding like I should have an additional conversation to set a stronger boundary and leave it at that. At this point if it happens again he’ll simply be blocked.

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u/DearTough8796 — 3 days ago

Hey all,

Been doing my spiritual thing pretty consistently for about two years now. In my personal practice I enjoy and prefer working with candles as it’s what feels most true to me.

Recently I moved to an apartment and have had no issues lighting candles like my tea lights or 7 day candles. I’ve even lit multiple incense at once and never had an issue.

Last night however I finally got my new order of small candles in and lit one, which I blew out right before I was headed to bed- about 2 minutes later my apartments alarm went off and set the whole entire buildings alarm off. My window was opened and always is when working with flames, and I had a small fan running on the floor. The only thing different I did with these candles was blow them out instead of snuffing (i know I shouldn’t have- I was tired and not thinking) and I also used a match.

Anyways, now I’m embarrassed and very anxious to use candles within my apartment now and I’m extremely sad because if I can’t use candles I don’t know how connected to my practice I’ll actually feel.

Anyone got any tips, advice, or wisdom to help?

Thank you in advance!!

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u/DearTough8796 — 14 days ago