Verbal COCSA i think? (Advice/Was this COCSA?)
During middle school i (13m) at the time went to a Private Catholic school with a girl (13f) at the time and we were at the same school from 3rd-5th and 7th and really didn’t talk until 7th. from the beginning of the year to early November she and her friends would make fun of me so much. I have diagnosed borderline personality disorder and autism which the school did not know about, so naturally to other people, i was “weird” and they thought i wasn’t diagnosed with anything. I had male friends but as you could expect, the women were very disrespectful to me, and it even got to the point of weight shaming and racism. She had a crush on me without my knowledge from October that year to late January, and then reached out to me to ask if i knew about my friends relationship with a girl (which i didn’t) so she left me alone that day. She kept on talking to me a lot more a few days later and i didn’t think much about it until about 2 weeks later when i figured out she liked me. It was not a relationship and just innocent talking. I eventually caught “feelings”, but I felt i was forcing myself to like her even at that time because i was craving affection from a girl as it was not normal at the time due to the hatred i would get. for another 15 days, we were at a point where we would talk 24/7 and compliment each other just as much. after that 15 days, she said something indirectly, but she wasn’t proposing a relationship. She basically was trying to get the perks without the title. She has dated two men before this and has talked to over 5 men but it has only gotten to the degree i have gotten to with two of the 5 people (which i will explain later.)
Basically the same thing for a bit but a tiny bit more “love” in the messages. after exactly four days, over the time of 3 days she would say the following
She would touch herself to the thought of me
She got “wet” when she fantasized explicit things towards me
She admitted to trying to get me “turned on”
She was overall lustful
She was turned on when i would simply talk to her
I genuinely did not know what to say after this (i would just respond with generic and neutral things) and i thought she could still be saved after this and we could talk normally, so i decided to go with it. She then started verbally “teasing” me and i was trying to be nice so i would say “stop” with however many p’s at the end there was (more than 2) and she was not stopping, after about 30 minutes of this i did the right thing and told her stop normally. She then said she thought she was turning me on by that. She continued to do this even after that incident. I didnt know how to speak up. Then her parents checked her phone while she was showering (she was planning to call me after the shower) and then told me that her parents checked her phone and they were mad at both of us. The most disgusting thing is she did not feel any regret. I then let it all out to her and told her you were kind of forcing me to do this and i said stop multiple times, to which she said “i thought you were joking because of the extra letters” and then she told me she had to attend church. I stopped talking to her from then on. This was around 2017-2018. She did this thing where she wouldnt unfriend any of her old exes or “talking stages”. I was one of them and she would continue to like my posts from then on. After a week and a half i just blocked her because i was tired of being reminded of her. (mid march) and she liked me and would talk to her friends positively about me without any mention of the lustful messages until early april. Also around april i started telling people about the situation (not higher ups) and how i felt uncomfortable but i wasnt labeling it as COCSA because i didnt think it counted (if it does) because it was verbal. I made them not ask her about it because i was scared she would make up lies about me. They listened. My best friend also knew and said she was weird. None of my friends who were friends with her stopped talking to her, which i didnt expect them to do, but it seemed weird to me that they were talking to her even more. She would talk bad about EVERYONE while we were talking except for her two best friends and me. Post march, she would start hating me again and talk bad about me to her friends. I told my friends who were talked negatively about and they were dissatisfied. This same cycle happened until mid may. There was a 7th and 8th grade dance and it turns out my best friend had a crush on her. This is when i started realizing she could have SA’d me verbally. I pulled him outside after he got her number i re told him everything and all he said was “I’ll take it slow” and then i just went out telling him, “You really want to date someone who basically sexually assaulted your best friend?” and he didnt say anything. I found out they were talking from him. Instagram likes are public, so i was on it and i saw him liking videos about a “non lustful gf” (her) so i confronted him about it and he just said “what?” every time. I dont have any more details on him, but he was also in the stage where they both knew they liked eachother.
A week later, One of the two friends who were victimized found out about my best friend and her, and the first one (using Julian as an alias) was saying “dont do it” and i pulled him aside and told him everything, because i knew he talked to her in the past. Julian then told me she did the same thing, even signaling for a d*ck pic through emojis. He still was not listening. Even if she never said this, it would just be disrespectful to your best friend if you dated his ex.
I do not have any info on the second guy
She never said anything to others and so did my friends, and at around 5 weeks after i cut her off (late april) i started dedicating my life to God. Things got better for me but at that time my mental was at its worst. My grades were dropping and i was back to being made fun of just as much as the beginning of the year, even by my own friends.
That is all i have to say, thank you for taking the time to read this and if you have any advice or questions please tell me