I am acting like the most pathetic, loser alive over a girl I’ve never spoken to.
Hey everyone, I need some perspective because I feel like I'm losing my mind over a crush and I don't know why I'm acting like this at 20 years old.
I’m a university student and since literally week 1 of my first semester, I have been completely, insanely obsessed with this girl in my major. We aren’t in the same class groups, so our schedules never align and we have NEVER spoken. I just see her on rare occasions. But we are in a massive shared group chat together, and after aggressively analyzing her Instagram reels, I’ve concluded that
we would click perfectly,
there is a very high chance she is a lesbian/queer too.
Because she might actually be gay, my brain has gone into total meltdown. I am acting so toxic and unhinged. Whenever I see her profile picture pop up in our shared group chat, or see her like a post, or watch her casually text another classmate, I get this overwhelming, nauseating wave of anxiety and possessive anger. I am literally getting jealous of regular people having normal conversations with a girl who doesn’t even know what my voice sounds like. I stare at her profile icon like a psycho and let a single digital interaction ruin my entire day.
I had a crush this intense once before in middle school on my bully, but back then I was somehow comfortable just sitting in the corner watching her from afar. Now? I’m just bitter, anxious, and completely paralyzed on the sidelines.
I have this pathetic little plan to try and slide into her DMs during finals week to complain about a terrible professor just to force an interaction, but I’m terrified I’m going to completely fumble it or come off like a creep.
Why am I a 20-year-old adult acting like an insecure child? Please tell me what is wrong with me, why I am like this, and how I stop being so completely consumed by a girl who doesn’t even know I exist.