u/Decent_Carob_4418

My freaking therapist got into my head during our last session talking about how addicts can recover and become better people, etc, etc, etc. It really stuck with me and I broke no contact with my ex to see how he was doing in recovery. I'm so unbelievably angry with her. I know she didn't make me do it and was laying out the facts, but she knows how vulnerable I am and how incredibly hard it has been for me to maintain no contact. On the bright side: as soon as I sent the message, I snapped back into reality and blocked him again so I actually have no idea if he even responded. I'm just so discouraged. Moving on has been so hard and days like today make it feel like I'm back at square one.

I can’t believe it’s been almost half a year. Everything has been such a blur, it genuinely feels like dday was only last week. In a few days it’ll be six weeks no contact, that feels fake too. I still have panic attacks. Things are okay, I keep busy and I’m starting to be genuinely happy again.

I wrote this in response to someone last week but I’ll reiterate it here: I’m willing to endure this horrendous year of grieving and gluing myself back together, if it means that I won’t have a horrendous life with a porn sick man.

My main piece of advice right now is go no contact as soon as you can. It took me almost four months to finally do it. After I broke up with him, I just wanted answers and to talk it over a million times. Eventually I realized that I was never going to get the level of “closure” I was looking for from him and had to walk away for good. I understand everyone moves at their own pace and I’m not saying to rush yourself at all — just keep in mind that you’re never going to feel completely ready to walk away, it’s more something you do and then figure out day by day.

Also this is a side note: I’ve gained over ten pounds since the break up because I was so depressed. I was someone who was relatively confident — even after dday, I didn’t feel insecure about my body at all. That being said, now that I’m larger and don’t fit in my clothes it’s been hitting me hard. Then I get upset with myself because you’re supposed to ‘glow up’ after a break up, but I’ve just been having a hard time taking care of myself.