ISFJs are you poor planners?
I am an ISTP woman with an ISFJ male. It’s a new relationship and we’ve just recently had our first big fight.
Long story short it was my birthday and he was out of town before he left. I mentioned when he gets back that I would like to do something special because his schedule was so varied and mine is fixed. We both agreed that he would plan it.
Fast forward and he did not plan. He simply asked what I wanted to do. This was disappointing. I told him it was disappointing. I had wanted him to take the lead and make the plan but we settled on a day trip the following day. He explained his funds weren’t great so my initial idea wasn’t something he could do. I was upset because he didn’t even mention this or try and bring up any other option. He just put it back on me.
Following day comes, he gets held up at work and he is slow to communicate. (Not his norm even when busy). More importantly when I call him, he tells me he’s running an errand for his mom. It was apparently his parents wedding anniversary.
I was upset that he didn’t disclose that the anniversary was the same day. He made this plan with me and I ffelt he used that in the moment to try and make me feel bad. When I told him that was messed up that he didn’t tell me about that he said well it doesn’t matter. I’m not celebrating with them. I said, but you’re running errands for them and it’s eating into our time. It just puts me in a position where I have to be the villain.
Is this ISFJ just immature or does this behavior make sense?