u/DeddyForce

Hey everyone,

I just filed for divorce and I’m honestly sitting here feeling completely drained and heartbroken. We were together 12 years, have two young kids, both had full-time jobs the whole time… but somehow I ended up carrying almost everything.

I spent years directly telling him what I needed. Not hints, not passive comments - actual conversations. I asked him to help with holiday shopping for both families, to actually remember the kids’ clothes sizes, to load the dishwasher without me having to ask every single day, to stop shrinking everything in the laundry. I wanted him to remember our anniversary without it turning into a fight. Basic stuff.

I wasn’t asking for grand romantic gestures. I just wanted a real partner - someone who would take initiative, share the mental load, and show that he cared about the things that mattered to me because I mattered to him. The same way I did for him without even thinking about it.

Every time I brought it up, it turned into “you’re too demanding” or “this is just how marriage is” or “I work too, what more do you want?” It got to the point where asking for basic emotional investment and teamwork made me feel like I was asking for the moon.

Now I’m 34, starting over with two kids, and I’m seriously wondering if healthy partnerships even exist anymore. Are there men out there who actually understand that a relationship requires effort from both people? Not just showing up as a roommate and weekend dad, but being a true teammate every day?

I’m not trying to bash all men. I just feel so exhausted and skeptical right now. Those of you who’ve been through divorce or a similar situation - did you find someone better? Or am I better off accepting that this is the new normal?

Would really appreciate any honest thoughts or stories. It’s been a rough few months.

Thanks for reading.