Should I let a friend go or should I try to keep the friendship alive?
I‘ve been friends with T for 2.5 years, more or less. We’ve connected through our shared hobby. We’re in our last year of uni and very busy. But I can’t help but feel T‘s not interested in trying to maintain our friendship anymore.
We’re a friend group of 3, Me, T and A. I’ve know A for 4 years, since our 1st year of college and we’re best friends. Our friend group kept changing, people came and left. But we stayed (even though our friendship also went through some rough patches). 2 years ago T joined and it’s been the three of us ever since.
But lately me and A have been feeling some distance between us two and T. We’re all different personalities with different life goals but we somehow click. The problem is, T has stopped talking to us 2 weeks ago and we have no idea why. Nothing happened between us, or nothing that we know of. T’s been ghosting our group chat, saying hi and then ignoring us in class. When we’re walking down the street I’m walking next to A, constantly turning back to T walking behind us, not to make her feel excluded. But she‘s just walking, staring at her phone and not even acknowledging our presence when we parted ways. Those two live together so they were doing silent treatment for a few days but now they started talking normally. Not some lengthy conversations but if one asks the other answers. I haven’t talked to T since 2 weeks ago, she’s not even reading my texts asking if she’s alright. The only way I know she’s alive is I see her being active on twitter every day.
We’ve gotten used to T ghosting us every 2 weeks when she goes home for the weekend and then coming back to uni like nothing happened. She’s had few episodes of feeling down and not wanting to talk to anyone but we’ve talked about it and made a deal to at least say ”don’t want to talk” “leave me be” instead of silence. But guess that deal’s over.
We’ve tried to take her out. To a friend’s house, to a quizz game, to a park, just to get a drink and sit by the river. Nope. She’s not interested. She’s just lying in her bed, watching shows, texting her twitter friends (yes, we know she’s texting them) and getting involved in online fandom drama. When A asks her to vacuum the floor she’s just bitchy and says “maybe, maybe not”(she didn’t end up doing it). And before you say she’s depressed, no she’s not. She’s just interested in her online life more than her real one.
I’m not sure if she’s distancing herself because me and A aren’t really interested in the hobby that originally connected us anymore. Or at least not that much. We’re graduating soon, trying to figure out life after college, juggle school, jobs, hobbies, relationships. Maybe she feels like we lost that one thing we had in common, but I personally thought our friendship was deeper than that. Some big important things happened for me and A in the past weeks, good and bad. And it feels like our lives are running away from T. Soon she’ll not be able to catch up and we’ll be gone.
So please tell me your unbiased opinion. Should I keep trying to reach her or should I just give up? I really want to know what’s going on with her but don’t want to get stuck keeping the flame alive when the other person isn’t interested.
*Fyi, A didn’t want to ask her what’s up because she’s not exactly skilled in deep conversations, so I’m usually the one who leads them. I texted her to ask her but she hasn’t even seen the message as i wrote. + The last time I asked T what’s up and why she’s ignoring us we had a big fight. But that’s a story for another time.*