u/Deep-Outside-2567

you don’t have to read all of this. i just really need to vent

we rescued my cat when i was 3 and he was 2. i’m 16 now and i can’t believe he’s gone

i’ve known him my entire life. i don’t remember a time when he wasn’t around. i still remember trying to pick him up and hold him but he was the size of my toddler body so i couldn’t do it. i still remember the first time i was able to successfully hold him. i still remember the first time he asked me to hold him. i can’t believe ive held him for the last time ever.

i feel so guilty. he had a mass in his mouth so he would drool everywhere and he wasn’t properly cleaning himself. he was sooo stinky and he’d always try to cuddle with me but all i did was push him away. i feel so bad. when we ate he would always beg us for food (he had hyperthyroidism) and we’d have to push him away or lock him in another room. i wish i would’ve js held him for longer. it’s so weird eating without him around now.

his purr was so loud i could hear him from across the house. i always knew when my mom was awake because he would start purring. they loved each other so much. he followed her around everywhere and i always knew if she was in the bathroom because he would be purring and waiting outside the door. my mom never pees with the lights on or door closed so that’s the only way i’d know 😭

he was always trying to go outside. it’s so weird coming home and not having to guide him away from the front door. this morning we came home from getting coffee like we do every morning and he was sitting at the door but he didn’t try to get out. i think that’s when we knew. he wasn’t even facing the right direction

i’ve never had to deal with a loss like this. and i’m so grateful for that but idk what to do. he was my moms best friend and i feel so bad for her. i feel so bad that i would push him away or kick him out of my room because he was stinky and drooling but he couldn’t control that. i feel so mean. for his last couple hours me and my mom just lied down with him and held him. i hope he felt loved and at peace. i was so so so loved. nothings going to be the same anymore and idk what to do

we have 2 other cats and they’re so confused. they would constantly fight and as annoying as it was i’m going to miss yelling at them. i miss the stink and the drool and obnoxiously loud purr and i miss when he would forcefully try to eat our food and when he would follow my mom wherever she went. even if he was in the middle of a nap he would wake up and never leave her side. he was her life and soul. he genuinely made her so happy and im worried for her. it’s like me, my dad, and that cat are the only friends she has. what will she do when i move out?

and it’s like my brother didn’t even care. he was in the next room the entire time. he was laughing with his friends playing video games. he called our cat “it”. he was making jokes. he was complaining to us about his physical pain while my mom was sobbing with our dying cat in her arms. i don’t understand how he doesn’t care. he didn’t even go with us to the vet to get his ashes

i’m so sad. i had just finally climbed out of depression and im so scared i might fall back in now

rest in peace Cotty boy ❤️‍🩹 you were so good

i rlly want books similar to these!