u/Defiant_Parsnip_7680

As my mental health deteriorated, my relationships also lost their former strength and cohesion. As you know, in any relationship, you need to give your energy and time to the other person, and I can no longer do that. I no longer speak with the same enthusiasm, I no longer try to start conversations from one topic to another, and I no longer hang out with them during lunch breaks like I used to. We still talk occasionally, but it's all superficial talk that ends before it even begins, and this has relieved me a lot. Our relationship cooled down quietly without any problems or attempts to ask me what happened to me, why I changed, and all that nonsense. Now I spend my time at school mostly sleeping because these past few days, perhaps the last week, I haven't slept enough. Sleep has become pointless; what's the use if I go to sleep exhausted and wake up the same way? This has been happening for a long time. I spend half the school day or more sleeping, and during lunch breaks, I listen to some music. Last week, the principal decided to move me from my seat because he said my seat was incorrect and the class was full, and every day I sit in a different place. I became like a ghost in the classroom, until I asked myself if I was really there. I no longer belonged anywhere. I don't have a problem with loneliness or anything like that because I don't feel it at all. My only feeling is emptiness.

I'm bored with everything, even the internet. I can't remember how long it's been since I finished watching anime. I don't want to disconnect from the internet, yet at the same time, I don't find any enjoyment in it. It's a strange relationship. Today, my phone malfunctioned, so I left it alone for a while to rest. I wasn't doing anything except moving my hands randomly on the table. At that moment, I realized that I have no life outside of my phone and the internet. I use it to switch off my brain and forget, even if just for a little while, the fatigue and worries of life. The phone's earpiece has become my constant companion from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. I repeat the same music, filled with emptiness, which reflects my deep feeling of emptiness. Wandering aimlessly online is better than sitting alone, staring at the ceiling, with my brain starting to talk to me.