u/DefineOriginal

Steel Ball Run has finally begun its weekly schedule release. To celebrate this long-awaited series, I've decided to put the two most iconic patriotic villains, Funny Valentine and Senator Armstrong, against each other.

Will Valentine take the first napkin for his country, or will Armstrong erect a stronger America from the rubble?

Let's find out. Spoilers ahead for Steel Ball Run and Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

(NOTE! I'm asking from the bottom of my heart, PLEASE don't just say, "I'm not reading all that," if you don't want to read what follows. I put a lot of effort into making this, and would appreciate legitimate criticism.)

Senator Steven Armstrong

I have a dream! That one day, every person in this nation will control their own destiny! A nation of the truly free, dammit! A nation of action, not words-governed by strength, not committee!"

History

Steven Armstrong was born in the state of Colorado, and would go on to play college football for the University of Texas as an offensive lineman, before serving in the United States Navy. He later entered federal politics, becoming a senator for his home state. However, behind his political front, Armstrong was the secret financer, chief executive, and leader of World Marshal Inc. and it's black-ops cybernetic military subsidiary, Desperado Enforcement LLC.

Armstrong believes that America (events take place during 2020) and the entire world is crippled by media, corporate greed, and corrupt political figures that keep its citizens weak. As a radical Social Darwinist, Armstrong believes in the survival of the fittest, and wants to give Americans the opportunity to truly fight for their dreams. To achieve this, he planned to essentially start World War 3 to fund his schemes, which he would use to internally destroy the military-industrial complex and state control, ending war as a business.

Armstrong wanted to use war as a business to end war as a business.

Because of his philosophy, Armstrong can't object to those who are stronger than him, or have more resolve than him. Despite this, Armstrong openly welcomes those who oppose him with their own conviction, even attempting to recruit the strong onto his side, which has been seen with Jetstream Sam and Raiden.

The main antagonist of MGRR, Armstrong funds Desperado's rogue PMC operations, harvests the brains of child orphans for the cybernetic Sears Program (child soldiers), and even attempted to execute a false flags operation to kill the U.S. President in Pakistan. His goal was to get funding from the crisis to finance his presidential campaign and cause an American Revolution straight from the White House.

Mindset

Armstrong is an individual with gifted intelligence. He has years of combat training under his experience, and is capable of defeating super soldiers such as Jetstream Sam and Raiden. He is considered to be a very charismatic leader, and is capable enough to run large, secret organizations.

Armstrong's fighting style is very unorthodox, but also very direct. Armstrong focuses on raw, heavy attacks, supercharged football tackles, and grappling. He is always keeping the pressure on an opponent, and one strike from him could easily take you out for good.

Powers

Despite his initial appearance, and his original role as a shadow orchestrator, you find out quickly that Armstrong is very much capable of holding his own against opponents.

Armstrong's most iconic ability is his nanomachines. When Armstrong comes into any sort of physical trauma, nanomachines injected into his bloodstream fuse with his skin almost instantly, creating a black armor that nullifies the damage. These nanomachines are powerful enough to nullify the blows from Raiden, a cyborg ninja capable of throwing thousand-ton robots such as Metal Gear EXCELSUS, as well as his high-frequency sword. He can even make cut-off limbs into weapons, as when Jetstream Sam cut off his arm, he struck back by sharpening the stump of his arm with his nanomachines.

These nanomachines allow for much more than defense, however. Armstrong has superhuman strength and speed that puts him high above your regular cyborg. He's punched through Metal Gear EXCELSUS' armor like it was paper, and has kept up with Raiden, who is able to perceive time as if it were slowing down. He can easily throw a grown person into the air and send them flying with a good punt.

Because of his cybernetic nature, Armstrong can siphon energy from any sort of machine or vehicle. This allows him to regenerate, attach removed limbs, and even supercharge his attacks.

If Armstrong needs powerful, AOE and ranged attacks, he can rely on his electromagnetic and geokinetic manipulation. He can hurl multi-ton pieces of metal and military vehicles at opponents via utilizing magnetic forces, and by striking the ground, superheated magma geysers erupt from the ground, even including powerful shockwaves.

Weaknesses

No matter how powerful Armstrong may be, he is still limited in his capabilities.

For one, Armstrong's nanomachines depend on physical contact with something; if the nanomachines faced off against a sort of durability-bypassing weapon, Armstrong would still be injured.

Sir Isaac Newton established the rule of every action has an equal reaction, and Armstrong's no different. Because of how powerful his attacks and regeneration are, Armstrong must rejuvenate himself by draining energy from energy sources. If unable to, his output is heavily reduced.

As seen in his fight against Jetstream Sam, it's possible to outspeed Armstrong's nanomachines. By using an attack faster than the nanomachines react, they are bypassed completely.

All of Armstrong's nanomachines come from his heart, hence the slight delay in their reaction speed. By taking out his heart, Armstrong's nanomachines cease functioning, and his regeneration is put to an end. By ripping out and crushing his heart, Raiden was finally able to defeat the mad senator.

For a full, comprehensive list of Armstrong's capabilities and limits, you can go here.

We can wipe the slate clean. Burn it down! From the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed!

Funny Valentine

Suppose you were sitting at a table. Which napkin would you take? The one on your 'left'? Or the one on your 'right'? The one who chooses the first napkin dictates the actions of all who follow. That is power.

History

In an alternate universe, Funny Valentine was the 23rd President of the United States during the 1890s. As a child, his father was a Union soldier who died in captivity, secretly preserving a handkerchief in his eye socket as a symbol to his patriotic duty. Later serving the Union as a soldier himself, Valentine was also caught and tortured, which led to the Stars and Stripes being scarred onto his back. Left for dead in the Devil's Palm, he discovered the Heart of the Holy Corpse buried in the sand. Through sheer conviction, Valentine survived, and climbed to the presidency.

Valentine's character is personified by his First Napkin analogy (Napkin Theory). At a dinner table, whoever takes the napkin first dictates which napkin other guests take. True power is found in the leader with absolute authority to boldly take the first action. Valentine would sacrifice anything in order to ensure American prosperity, but believes that he's the only one worthy of such a task. He planned to gather the Holy Corpse scattered across the country to redirect all misfortune (disease, poverty, war, etc) to other countries, ensuring eternal national prosperity.

Valentine wants to the Holy Corpse to ensure America remains prosperous for eternity.

However, this isn't true greatness for America. In nature, this is known as parasitism, or a parasitic relationship. By redirecting all misfortune away from America, Valentine ensures that all other countries will grow to despise the United States, not ever establishing genuine peace. He also puts his objectives above everything else, including sworn promises and people.

As the main villain of SBR, Valentine is the secret mastermind behind the Steel Ball Run horse race, which is a government-funded front to find, excavate, and assemble the Holy Corpse across North America. For most of the story, Valentine sends assassins against Johnny Joestar and Gyro Zeppeli to stop them thwarting his plans.

Mindset

Valentine is a cold, calculating schemer. Every battle is a chess game to him, and due to the nature of his abilities, treats his body as an expendable chess piece. He's an expert in stand battles, and has military training. He was an extremely charismatic president, with an insane 91% approval rating. His greatest strength isn't his powers, but rather, the ability to convince people with his words.

Valentine's fighting style is full of surprise attacks and difficult-to-read attacks. He thrives in tight, narrow areas, and can catch almost anyone off guard. The minute you lose sight of him, it's already too late. It doesn't help that Valentine is sneak-nation certified; his feet don't make any noise while moving. He has beaten top-tier combatants such as the original Diego Brando and Wekapipo with his cleverness and element of surprise.

Powers

Even though Valentine hid in the shadows for most of the story, he is perfectly willing to get his own hands dirty if needed.

Valentine always carries what seems to be a Remington 1875 silver revolver on him, which acts as his ranged-combat option. He is a pretty good marksman, able to avoid vital spots on targets such as Axl Rose, and landed critical shots on Johnny Joestar in their final duel.

Valentine is a stand user. Stands are the embodiment of the user's nature/character, and can only be seen by other stand users (or those with spiritually attuned powers).

Valentine's stand is called Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (or D4C for short), which is named after the AC/DC song and album of the same name. This is an extremely powerful close-range stand, as all of its stats are in the "A" tier except for range, which is a "C", making its effective radius around 2 meters. This puts it at the same level of stands such as Star Platinum and The World, which are able to break diamond and steel as if it were nothing. This also puts its attacking and reaction speed at relativistic, as it matches Star Platinum's stats.

D4C's main ability is the ability to visit neighboring worlds in the same position as it (dimensional travel to infinite, parallel worlds). By sandwiching himself or anything else between two objects, such as the ground and the American flag, Valentine can make him and anything else travel to a parallel dimension.

Defensively, this allows for two things. One, Valentine can escape sticky situations with D4C if cornered. He can easily evade attacks and regroup himself, continuing the fight after strategizing from the safety of an alternate dimension. More importantly, however, is the immortality aspect of D4C. If Valentine is on the verge of death, and he travels to another dimension in time, D4C transfers to that world's Valentine, who gains the memories of the previous Valentine, allowing him to continue the fight.

From an offensive standpoint, D4C is a paradoxical nightmare. Standardly, Valentine can redirect attacks and land surprise attacks from weird angles. Valentine can also bring dimensional clones with him to help jump an opponent. They all have their revolvers, raining bullet hell on opponents. Valentine can also hide his main body in the clones for more surprise attacks.

However, the most terrifying aspect is the Menger Sponge Paradox. Only Valentine can exist in another dimension, due to D4C acting as a gravitational anchor. Without D4C, two alternates, whether object or person, can't exist at once. This causes the two objects to be drawn together when in close proximity, turning them into Menger sponges. These are shapes with no volume but infinite surface area; if you come into contact with one, you're shredded down to the molecular level.

D4C: Love Train

There is one aspect to D4C that is arguably his most powerful: Love Train (named after The O'Jays song of the same name.

When the Holy Corpse used Lucy Steel (a 14 year old girl; Valentine is 100% in the files) as its vessel, a gap of light surrounds Valentine. Love Train is a dimensional gap in space that is more similar to a safe zone rather than a traditional barrier. This gap in space allows Valentine to travel anywhere instantly within Love Train, and he can even levitate off the ground with it.

Love Train's main ability is the redirection of misfortune away from Valentine. Any sort of attack that can't bypass the light is transferred to somewhere else in the world. If you shot Valentine, the bullet would disappear, only for you to see in the gap that a farmer accidentally broke his neck while doing his work.

Interestingly enough, this also applies to Valentine's surroundings. Love Train exerts a spatial, gravitational pull that draws in fortunate things to the president. Terrain, objects, and even natural hazards shift to benefit Valentine, which allows Valentine to get close to opponents without needing to move, and puts opponents in disadvantageous positions.

Love Train is more than just pure defense. If D4C were to exit Love Train to attack an opponent, and land any sort of mark on them (whether it be a cut or bruise) while the ability is active, the wound will travel to the vital spot(s) of the opponent, manifesting Valentine's good luck, while creating bad luck for an opponent. A single scratch could travel straight to your heart, leaving a lethal injury.

Weaknesses

As crazy powerful Valentine may be, he still is bound to rules that limit his abilities.

Valentine is technically immortal, but not if he can't transfer D4C to another version of himself. If he were to be killed in a single hit and unable to go to another dimension, Valentine dies on the spot, unable to transfer his consciousness (as explained during Diego Brando and Hot Pants vs. Valentine).

Dimension hopping requires Valentine to be sandwiched between two objects (two objects pressed together). If he's attacked mid-air or completely open space, Valentine can't travel dimensions, leaving him wide open.

Love Train is almost unbeatable, emphasis on almost. Valentine doesn't actually have 24/7 access to Love Train, as the ability is directly tied to Lucy Steel and her stand Ticket to Ride. If he's too far away from her, or she's moved from her current location (by someone without ill intent towards her or Valentine, such as Steven Steel), Valentine will be forced to move that direction, or the ability turns off.

D4C cannot attack inside Love Train's protective zone, and must exit the space to attack. This leaves Valentine vulnerable, where he can be grabbed or attacked while outside the gaps of light.

While standard, physical attacks are useless against Love Train due to them being misfortune, there are forces above it that can bypass the luck-manipulating ability. If one were to use an attack utilizing infinite rotation or spatial energy, they can break through Love Train. Johnny Joestar defeated Valentine by utilizing Tusk Act 4's infinite energy to hit Valentine across all dimensions, leading to his downfall.

For a full, comprehensive list of Valentine's capabilities and limits, you can go here.

My heart and actions are utterly unclouded! They are all those of 'Justice'!

Analysis End

Alright, our combatants are set! It's time to settle this debate once and for all.

Let's see which political figure comes out on top...

===

We'll start on the coastline of Philadelphia, 1891. The dim, orange sun fills the sky with yellows and bright reds, and the ball of light reflects on the water. But, something's off, you see. There was a train stopped, and if one were to count the cars, a couple would be missing. Two figures were on the rocky terrain. One was on their knees, holding his hand up as if it were a weapon, while the other stood over him, seemingly pitying the cripple.

"You... what have you done... with Gyro?"

Johnny Joestar was in a hunched position, blood covering his blue clothes. One of his hands had been cut clean off, but the bleeding had stopped by now. To Johnny, it was all a blur; Gyro suddenly disappearing; being attacked seemingly from thin air; being put in the position he was now. All Johnny could think was the whereabouts of his best friend.

"I assure you, Johnny Joestar, I am not responsible for Gyro's sudden disappearance. Perhaps he got cold feet, and left you here as a distraction. Or, he's currently planning to take the Holy Corpse for himself. Either the case, I shall eliminate him in due time, as I shall do the same to you."

23rd President Funny Valentine stood over the horse racer, the air filled with his authoritative presence. Surrounding him was a veil of glittering light, and on his left shoulder, the looming figure of D4C held its hand up high in a slicing stance.

Suddenly, Valentine felt something was off. It felt almost like a pulling force... a force coming from D4C.

What is this energy I'm feeling... it's the same as the Holy Corpse! This shouldn't be possible; the Corpse is still using Lucy Steel as its vessel. This world is the only one where the Corpse exists; how can I feel its presence from elsewhere? It's coming from D4C... unless...

Valentine turned away from Johnny, and began approaching the train. Johnny still held his hand out, his pointer finger nail spinning with perfect rotational energy, but he knew it was useless to fire. He watched Valentine walk into the train car with Lucy Steel in it, and for a brief moment, seemed to disappear. Suddenly, Valentine walked out of the train car once more, his purple suit shining against the sun, and he was holding an American flag. Valentine walked closer to Johnny, who instinctively began to crawl away.

"Do not fear, Johnny Joestar. I shall not kill you yet. You are on the verge of death, anyway, and I would be wasting my time. It seems I have more pressing matters to deal with... not in another dimension..."

With that, Valentine threw the flag in the air, and it slowly descended on the president's figure. Before he completely disappeared, Johnny heard one last remark from Valentine.

"But in another time."

...

Back to the current day, a storm was passing over the countryside of Philadelphia. Heavy rain poured onto the terrain, and thunderclaps were occasionally heard. A pair of headlights were seen traversing the dirt road, and an armored vehicle rounded the corner. It had a simple insignia on both sides that would've been visible, if not for the dark clouds blotting out the sky:

S.W.F

The interior of the vehicle was bizarre, to say the least. The most normal looking of the trio was wearing a sort of gray uniform, and was driving the vehicle to its checkpoint within the city. The man on the passenger's side was wearing a mix of purple and green, a giant star taking up most of his hat, which seemed to merge with his black hair. The strangest of all was the man in the back; he was seemingly some sort of cowboy, wearing a large, western hat, and holsters containing green, steel balls.

"How long is this going to take? I need to get to Johnny as quickly as possible! Who knows what has happened to him?"

Gyro Zeppeli was becoming impatient. All he could think about was getting back to his best friend, and being stuck in the future wasn't helping. He kept looking out his window into the gloomy weather, and sighed under his breath.

"We'll get you back once we fully retrieve the Holy Corpse. Once we get it back into the bunker, we'll use its energy to pinpoint your return to 1891. If we can't get the Corpse back into hiding, then we run the risk of a third party stealing it for nefarious purposes."

Jotaro Kujo responded to Gyro calmly, but firmly. He had listened to Gyro's adventures during the Steel Ball Run horse race, and had learned the truth behind its purpose, and Valentine's true character. After leaving Jujutsu High, they had travelled back to the States, where they used Speedwagon Foundation transportation to move unseen.

"Mr. Jotaro, have we been scheduled for an early checkpoint release?" The driver had asked with caution in his voice.

"No, why?"

"I think we have trouble."

A huge blockade of military contractors blocked the road, their black boots slightly sinking into the mud road. There was no way around, and when looking in the rear view mirror, Jotaro realized that more soldiers had circled behind from a distance; there was no direct escape. He then keenly observed their insignia on the side of their riot shields being held like a spartan wall:

World Marshal Inc.

Good grief. And this is what I get for not paying attention just one time.

"Gyro, it looks like our third party decided to show up. Stay close to the vehicle, and make sure our diver doesn't get hurt."

"Really? We outta teach these assholes some manners, wasting my time like this!"

The vehicle stopped, and both men stepped outside, the rain beginning to seep into their dry clothing. Jotaro stepped directly in front of the vehicle, while Gyro moved to the driver's side, unbuckling his holsters.

"So, know anything about these friends of yours, Jotaro?"

"They're called World Marshal Inc. It's the largest PMC in the world, and is headquartered in Colorado. I was able to gain information about them through Speedwagon Foundation documents, and it seems their boss is actually running for president right now; his name is-"

"I think I can introduce myself just fine, Jotaro Kujo."

The men dressed in all black military uniforms parted down the line to reveal a single, hulking figure behind them. He began walking towards the duo, a nasty grin across his face, and a giant cigar puffing smoke, the bright light illuminating the darkened environment. He wore a black suit, yellow tie, and his glasses seemingly were immune to the rain.

"The name's Armstrong, son. And I'm going to need what's in that vehicle."

Senator Steven Armstrong began to stare down Jotaro, and the two men didn't budge. If one were to describe it, it would almost be a clash of conqueror's haki with just thin air.

"I suggest you move aside, Armstrong. This is way out of your depth."

A shadowy silhouette began to take shape behind Jotaro, a shape only Gyro could see. He knew what it meant, however; a fight was about to break out.

"Oh, really, is that so? Well, let me tell you something, you Japanese parasite. You couldn't even begin to think what I could do with that artifact you have. I could have an unlimited energy supply to see my mission through. I could single handedly create a world for the strong to survive in; a world where the limp-dick politicians of today weaken the spirit of the average American! A world where people are truly free! A world where corrupt bureaucrats would tremble before those with real character!"

Armstrong threw off his jacket, revealing his white shirt, and the grotesque outline of his heart underneath. His eyes began to glow a faint red behind his glasses, and he began to stretch his arms out. Walking over to one of the vehicles behind him, he threw his fist into the engine, and energy seemed to radiate from him. After a harsh, gritty laugh, he faced Jotaro once more.

"I'm out of my depth, Jotaro-san? Well, I AM the deep end!"

Suddenly, a blazing yellow light burst from Armstrong's tossed jacket, and everyone backed up. Armstrong, taken aback, instinctively activated the nanomachines underneath him, which became visible from his ripped sleeves. The jacket seemed to be filling itself with some sort of air, as if a ghost had filled up the jacket.

The light disappeared as quickly as it had manifested, and standing before the group was a bizarre man. He wore an all pink suit that darkened with the rain, and his luscious, blonde hair was curled back. Gyro couldn't believe his eyes.

How the hell is HE here?! This should be impossible! He should be back in my time with Johnny- wait, if he's here, then does that mean...

"Valentine!"

Funny Valentine turned to the familiar voice that had called him.

"Well, so this is where you were hiding, Gyro Zeppeli? I must admit, I wouldn't have expected you to be here, or should I say when, of all places. But, you are no importance to me now. There are matters of the State I must address first."

Valentine then turned to Armstrong, who was still taken aback, but was giving him a glaring look.

"I've heard everything from the rift. Your character perplexes me, Senator. You hold the title of an American servant, and yet you speak with the tongue of a brute. If those like you are in power currently, then perhaps I should mandate literacy tests for all citizens in my time."

Valentine folded his arms behind his back, and began to speak once more.

"Senator, your job is to serve the American people, and sacrifice your very being for the country. You speak of freedom, yet you preach the law of the jungle; the law of savages. A true, American leader must take the first action, so that others may follow suit. You are no American savior, Senator, but a wild beast wearing the tailored suit of a statesman. I seek to ensure America's prosperity with the Holy Corpse's protection, and you seek to destroy it. I will not allow this to happen."

For three, long seconds, Armstrong stared at the man in front of him. Then, he threw back his head, and began laughing loud enough to ring the ears of those around him, seemingly parting the rain around them.

"You've got to be shittin' me, Valentine!"

Armstrong flexed his chest and arms, and the rest of his shirt was torn off completely. What remained was bulging veins, a heart, and the pants and shoes he wore.

"I've read all about you in the unclassified Patriot files; I know exactly who you truly are! The whole reason this country is sick is because of men like you, Valentine. It's choked behind media propaganda, scheming lawyers, and cowards that hide behind ancient artifacts, just like you! I'm going to tear your system down so that a man can fight his own wars for once! That's real American freedom! And you can't stop me!"

Valentine's stoic expression didn't falter. He simply adjusted the collar of his jacket.

"Then you are a 'misfortune' to the Republic, Senator. A 'misfortune' I must eliminate."

FIGHT!

Armstrong charged at Valentine, then pivoting into a punch. Before the punch reached his head, however, an invisible force blocked the attack. The nanomachines almost instantly hardened, dealing no recoil damage to Armstrong.

Armstrong noticed Valentine's left shoulder move, indicating a hidden weapon. Before he could move, he felt three sharp clangs against his chest: Valentine had pulled out his revolver, shooting at the Senator's large frame, only for them to harmlessly bounce off his chest. Armstrong smiled.

"Nice gun, son. Mine's bigger!"

Armstrong attempted to grab Valentine's arm, but was slowed down by an invisible force. Armstrong saw his nanomachines outlining hands grabbing his arm in a vice grip.

"So, you have some supernatural horseshit up your sleeve, huh? Who gives a damn?!"

Armstrong powered through the invisible grip, grabbing Valentine's arm, and tossed him sky high. Just as Valentine came back down, Armstrong punted him straight into the mountainside next to the road. The snapping of bones rang out through the road, and Valentine was struggling to move; every bone in his body had been broken.

Just then, the impact caused dead leaves from a parallel tree to fall on top of Valentine, eventually making him disappear underneath. Armstrong gave a disgusted smirk towards Valentine's body.

"Hm. Same as the rest. Now, where were we-"

Suddenly, Armstrong felt a dull impact hit his face, and turned back to find Valentine shooting him once more. His posture indicated that he had taken no damage whatsoever.

"Tougher than you look, eh? Let me change that real quick!"

Armstrong began storming towards Valentine in a football stance, when suddenly, two more Valentines appeared from the leaves, and all three dodged out of the way. Armstrong collided with the mountainside, and a tremor made some of those present lose their footing. The Worlds Inc. soldiers had already begun fleeing the scene, while Jotaro and Gyro held their ground.

"You see it, right Jotaro?" Gyro asked Jotaro hurriedly.

"Yeah, I see it alright. I see Valentine's stand."

All three Valentine's began shooting once more at Armstrong, but still to no success.

"It seems traditional firepower is useless against him," the middle Valentine remarked.

"Indeed. It seems we'll have to go with a more indirect approach," the leftmost Valentine said.

Armstrong's arms began to sizzle, and a yellow-orange energy eradicated serious heat within it, as it was trying to burst straight out of his black-armored skin. It combined with his chest, and the rain evaporated before it even touched him.

"You think your pathetic magic tricks intimidate me, Valentine? Far from it! I've just about had enough of your small talk!"

Armstrong's arms slammed into the ground, and a geyser of raw magma erupted underneath the Valentine's, eviscerating them almost instantly; their remains were buried under the molten earth.

Armstrong stood up, dusting himself off, a satisfied grin appearing.

"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."

"An impressive display of raw force, Senator."

The smile instantly disappeared as Armstrong faced the tree line. Framed by falling pine needles and rain, more Valentine's began to appear. Armstrong counted five... then ten... twenty total.

"However," the center-most Valentine said stepping forward, "I can travel across every single parallel world. You will tire with your limited stamina, while I fight for my country's future for eternity."

Armstrong's jaw tightened, and he cracked his knuckles, his nanomachines reacting.

"So what? That just means I have to beat the shit out of all of you! Let's go!"

Armstrong leapt into the battalion of Valentine's, sending bodies flying. Two tried to pin him to the ground, but Armstrong bashed their bodies onto the floor, blood mixing with the mud. Armstrong used the bodies as extensions, swinging them around to hit other clones.

However, Armstrong failed to notice that his tossed-aside jacket was now floating in the air. Suddenly, Armstrong felt a punching force on his head, which smashed the jacket onto him. Oddly enough, he phazed through it.

"What the-"

"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap."

Armstrong swung behind him, but his arm was once again blocked by the invisible force.

"My ability allows me to travel to infinite neighboring dimensions. However, I'm the only one that can survive. When two of the same objects meet, they cannot exist at once. Hence, they are erased. Observe, Senator."

Looking behind him, Armstrong was face-to-face with another version of himself, although slimmed down;he was just a regular politician. The two began to gravitate towards each other.

"I have placed the ultimate rule of existence on you, Senator. Goodbye."

Armstrong acted quickly. A green aura surrounded him, and the vehicles present in the alternate dimension surrounded him, creating a shield from the clone. By then supercharging the metal, he disintegrated his double, and then launched the molten steel at Valentine.

What? He was able to bypass the Menger Sponge Paradox? Impossible!

As Valentine travelled through the jacket, Armstrong quickly followed him, grabbing onto him. Both came back to the main world, and Armstrong drop-kicked Valentine through the mud road. The rain had stopped, and the area was completely flat; nowhere to sandwich between now.

Armstrong lifted Valentine's body into the air by his neck. D4C barraged Armstrong's chest, only for them to clang against the hardened skin.

"Nowhere for you to run off to now, Valentine. It's about time I send you to Hell, you chicken-shit asshole!"

However, before Armstrong could finish off Valentine, a pulsating light began emitting from the Speedwagon Foundation vehicle; the Holy Corpse was beating, and Valentine's Heart was resonating with it.

"Now what-"

Armstrong and Valentine were sucked into the jacket, which lay battered and torn on the ground. Gyro saw this, and turned to Jotaro.

"This looks like my ticket home. Thanks for help, Jotaro. It's time for me to kick Valentine's ass once and for all!"

"Good grief. Good luck, Gyro Zeppeli."

The men nodded to each other, and Gyro followed the duo through the gap of light. When he entered, the light once again vanished; perhaps to never be seen again.

...

Valentine, dazed, quickly gathered himself to observe his surroundings. He saw the train, the pale orange sky, the Philadelphia coastline...

"It appears that I'm back in my time. Which means..."

Valentine ran over to the train to confirm his suspicion, and as he did, a ray of light sprung from the open train door, and surrounded the president.

"Once more, D4C has progressed to a higher level!"

Valentine turned to Armstrong, who had finally recovered from the dimensional travel. He didn't even pay attention to his surroundings; he lasered onto Valentine.

"It's time we end this!"

"Indeed."

Armstrong ran at Valentine, who remained still, completely calm. As he threw a supercharged punch at Valentine, it seemed to slip right by him, and Armstrong lost his balance. Turning back, he saw a vision of a building suddenly catching fire.

"Another one of your tricks? Don't even try it!"

Armstrong ripped the ground, and using his chunk, threw it right at Valentine. It disappeared into thin air, and Armstrong saw a split vision of a beggar breaking his neck as he tripped.

"This is the power that will allow America to prosper forever, Senator. Love Train will redirect all misfortune away from me and the country. You have lost."

D4C suddenly sprang outside of the light, and at its maximum speed, cut Armstrong's throat. He began to bleed out, but his body regenerated. All that was left was a small cut.

"Nice try, but I've had worse injuries on the field. Try again."

"That was all I needed."

Suddenly, a black swirl manifested at Armstrong's injury, and travelled straight to his heart. He was completely helpless as the mark cut into his heart.

"Dojyaaan!"

Armstrong's knees buckled, and he found himself looking up at Valentine.

"Your actions shall be forgotten by history, Senator. I have taken the first napkin, and shall ensure this country prospers for eternity."

Looking back, Armstrong saw Gyro helping Johnny onto Slow Dancer; he was teaching him Lesson 5, and furthering the Infinite Rotation.

"It's impossible, Gyro! The terrain is too rigid; we can't get the horse to move right."

"Dammit, Johnny, we have to try! This is the only way to bypass his ability!"

Bypass his ability

"Hey, you two! What do you guys need to defeat this shitstain?"

"Begone, barbarian!"

Valentine lunged outside Love Train with D4C, but Armstrong caught his arm; the president couldn't move.

"We need completely flat terrain! Can you do that?"

A wicked smile appeared on Armstrong's face, a dark, red fire burning in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah... oh, you sure bet I can!"

Using all of his strength, Armstrong struck the ground with maximum energy output, and the terrain turned glass-like under the pressure; the terrain was completely flattened.

"You two... I don't care what your plans are... but you have conviction! You've dragged yourself through on your own path! Fought for what you believe in! Show this asshole what it means to be truly free!"

Armstrong's body turned to ash, and faded away with the wind.

"I don't know who you were... but I won't waste your opportunity."

Gyro tapped Johnny's shoulder, as they were both on Slow Dancer.

"I think we have our terrain Johnny. It's time we settle this."

"Right!"

The horse reached the galloping speed needed for the infinite rotation, and the duo shared the stirrups to channel the energy through their bodies.

"D4C! Retreat into the light!"

Gyro threw his steel ball, and Johnny shot his nail. Instantly, Ball Breaker and Tusk Act 4 manifested, tearing through Love Train like it didn't even exist. After an onslaught of attacks, Valentine's body was spun into molecular dust.

"Where were you this whole time, Gyro? I almost died!"

"It's a long story, Johnny. While I do that, why don't you say we go win this race?"

"Right!"

The two friends began the final legs of the Steel Ball Run race, and as they rode on, Gyro couldn't help but think about the man who had helped them.

I don't know who you were, but... thank you. And to all those from the future I met... I truly wouldn't be here without you all.

The shortest path truly was the detour.

The winner is >!Funny Valentine!<. Post-match analysis in the comments.

This post is very ambitious, and contains spoilers for the composite (meaning the original anime through the Rebuild series for Shinji, and all of Ultraman's history) versions of these characters. If you're OK with that, keep reading. If not, then I'd suggest watching these incredible series' for yourself, and then coming back to this if you want.

=

Before watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, I didn't have much to go on. All I knew about the show was that the series creator, Hideaki Anno, was largely inspired by his favorite tokusatsu shows, primarily Ultraman. If you couldn't tell by my profile, I am a huge Ultraman fan, and fondly remember my dad introducing me to the series with a video simply titled, Ultraman vs. Keronia. I attribute a large part of my childhood to Ultraman, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

When the time came to watch the Evangelion series, however, something was very different. This wasn't a story about a guardian of light finding good in humanity, but rather, a child having to carry the burden of what I can only compare to dying on the cross for humanity's sin; an ordinary, teenage boy, was tasked with saving the world from cosmic horrors. I'm not kidding you, I had to pause during The End of Evangelion, and ended up crying when Shinji mentally snapped during the Instrumentality ritual. The lengths that Evangelion goes to explore the tortured mind of a child is maddening.

One story is about a giant learning what it means to become human; one story explores the mind of a child learning to hold the burden of being humanity's savior.

After finishing the Rebuild movies, I had to cover this match. The inspiration, polarizing themes, and absurd powers/history would be incredible to analyze, and even better to write a fight for. As per usual, my fights have a semi-structured system. First, I look into the fighting styles/personalities of each character. Next, their abilities and feats. Afterwards, I write a scenario where both fight, which delves into fan-fiction territory. Finally, a post-match breakdown on the conclusion.

With all of that out of the way, please enjoy.

=ULTRAMAN=

Ultraman was originally a human-like being that was exposed to forced evolution from an artificial sun known as the Plasma Spark. This led to him not only gaining all of his powers, but completely changed what he is: Ultraman is a being entirely composed of light. In the Ultra franchise, light is the equivalent of willpower. This light has been stated to be so powerful, that those not on the same dimensional tiering/level of power as Ultraman can't affect his existence. For a western reference, think of the Ultras as a mix of Superman and Green Lanterns. This was established in Ultraman Nexus, where Ultra beings are said to be unbound by fate, meaning that not only will alterations to the past not affect them, but can also defy predetermined fates.

Ultraman is a highly prestigious warrior for the Land of Light. He is a seasoned kaiju exterminator and space policeman with over 30,000 years of experience under his belt. Before his role as a monster killer, he was a university professor for the Land of Light's Space University. Ultraman is also the chief member of the elite Ultra Brothers, who are the Land of Light's top fighters. He has constantly been shown to be at least equal in strength to the newer generations of Ultras via crossovers, and remains one of the top powerhouses in the verse.

However, even with his many years of fighting kaiju, Ultraman has shown a gentler nature and desire to learn about human connection. The events of the 1966 series happened because of Ultraman's desire to learn more about the connections of human beings, and asked his superior officer Zoffy to save the life of his host by the end of the series. Ultraman has shown compassion and regret towards some of the more innocent monsters in his roster, such as Jamila, who was an astronaut-turned-monster from space radiation. Ultraman's goal is to be a protector of humanity, and is fully willing to sacrifice himself in order to do so. I highly recommend watching the movie Shin Ultraman if you want a good idea of Ultraman's character. While he usually needs a host in order to manifest, recent media has given him the ability to construct his own human form.

Ultraman's fighting style is heavily based around the martial art of Judo. Interestingly enough, the IRL reason for this is because the original suit actor, Bin Furuya, is a professionally trained judoka. Because of this, he focused on making Ultraman's fighting style founded on a mix of Judo and Greco-Roman wrestling. Ultraman has shown mastery in hand-to-hand combat, and has sometimes killed kaiju just with his physicality. Ultraman has showcased moves such as the Dropped Rock, Flying Mare, Comma Throw, Neck Hanging, and even the Rotation Choking Kick. He can use an opponent's momentum against them to high success.

Because of his extensive history and tokusatsu origins, Ultraman has plenty of techniques/powers at his disposal to help him with protecting humanity, most of which originate from Spacium. Spacium is a unique element that is primarily found on Mars, and certain alien species are weak to it. However, every Ultra contains their own deposits of Spacium in their own bodies, which is known as Spacium Energy. For example, Ultraman is capable of firing off arrow-shaped attacks called the Slash Beam, which can explode on contact.

Ultraman's primary use of Spacium comes in the form of his signature move: the Spacium Beam. By crossing his hands to mix together the positive and negative spacium in his body, he releases the beam from his right vertical hand, leading to the destruction of anything in its way. This beam releases an astounding heat of 500,000 C, and has 500,000 horsepower. Furthermore, this beam severs interatomic and molecular bonds, which not only causes the target to explode, but can even separate beings from hosts. He can charge this energy into a more powerful Ultra Spacium Beam by coating his arms in Spacium. The Spacium Beam has been shown to extend across the radius of Earth.

Ultraman has consistently used Spacium to create the Ultra Slash. This is a powerful energy buzzsaw that Ultraman throws at a target. It has the same characteristics as the Spacium Beam, but not only can it separate into multiple slashes, but can home in on targets. This use of Spacium is designed to catch rapidly moving targets, or those resistant to blunt/explosive-type moves.

The Ultra Attack Beam is a green, coiled beam, that Ultraman can shoot out in a spiral towards foes. Once hit, they are frozen in place, followed up by Ultraman crossing his arms, causing the opponent to explode. This ability actually seems to be more powerful than his normal Spacium Beam, as the opponent he was fighting, Keronia, was completely unfazed by the attack.

Ultraman also has a couple of defensive techniques. The Ultra V Barrier is a physical technique where Ultraman blocks in an, "X," shape, which can block energy attacks. Ultraman can create a rectangle-shaped barrier from his fingers to cover the entire front of his body, and is known as the Rebound Beam. This barrier was strong enough to allow Ultraman to survive the entire Land of Light freezing over in an instant in Mega Monster Battle Ultra Galaxy: The Movie.

Ultraman has a sharp set of eyes. His Fluoroscope Beam allows him to see invisible enemies, and even through other beings/objects. Furthermore, as showcased against Alien Baltan the Second, he can remove an opponent's barrier via Ultra Discernment, which is another beam emitted from his eyes. This barrier was strong enough to shatter Ultraman's Ultra Slash.

There are plenty of restraining moves in Ultraman's arsenal. In the show Ultraman Taro, he showcased his Paralysis Beam, which is a light blue beam that appears as chains, immobilizing an opponent. By rapidly spinning his body, Ultraman can produce Catch Rings, which are yellow rings that bind kaiju. The Ultra Air catch is a set of two beams from Ultraman's hands where, when he hits an opponent, moves one of his arms in the air, causing the opponent to be suspended in air.

Ultraman happens to be a pretty powerful psychic as well. Using Ultra Psychokinesis, he can fire a spiral beam from the palms of his hands that immobilize targets. After throwing them away with telekinesis, he uses telekinesis again to make the target explode. Furthermore, he can psychically communicate to other beings and/or ultras, as well as feel the souls/essence of living beings. He can also predict the moves/movement of an opponent with his Ultra Sense.

If the need arises, Ultraman can use teleportation to hop from planet-to-planet. In the Alien Baltan episode, once Ultraman defeats one of the Baltan's on Planet R, he uses teleportation to travel to Earth instantly.

Using an ability called the High Spin, Ultraman can rapidly spin his body. This ability has a couple uses. While in the air, Ultraman can use his body like a wheel, ramming into opponents for huge damage. This spin can also form a red Travel Sphere, which is used for long distance travel purposes, as well as merging and separating souls from hosts/beings. What's insane about this ability is that it can negate the spatial manipulation hax's of the 4th dimensional being Bullton. You read that right: just by spinning his body, Ultraman can fully negate, and even redirect, hax/attacks at the 4th dimensional level.

Of course, Ultraman is capable of flying. By sending anti-gravity waves to his feet, he is capable of flight. While in flight, he can use his beam attacks, and even ram into monsters with force strong enough to make them explode, all with no injuries being present.

When it comes to raw stats, Ultraman is an absurdly strong character. Even in the original 1966 show, Ultraman's strength was incredible, as he was seen tossing around the likes of 120,000 ton Telesdon. Ultraman was shown creating entire constellations in space just from his energy output. He has sliced through monsters such as U-Killersaurus Neo, who had the durability to survive a nerfed M87 Beam from Zoffy, which not only is the strongest single beam attack from the Ultra Brothers, but is usually used at 10% power. If used in full strength, the planet would be completely destroyed. He has even managed to damage the likes of Mold Spectre, who is the conceptual embodiment of evil in the Ultra series, and awakens every 50,000 years. The Land of Light has directly been stated to be 40x the gravity of Earth's, and Ultra's are capable of casually moving and flying around it with ease. Furthermore, Ultraman has been shown to be at least equal to the likes of Ultraman Tiga, who defeated foes such as Gatanothor, who is a representation of the Lovecraft entity known as Ghatanothoa, who is a direct descendent of Cthulhu.

Ultraman is extremely fast. We've seen the Ultra Brothers in Ultraman Leo take minutes to fly from the land of light to Earth. The Land of Light has directly been stated to be 3,000,000 light years away from Earth. He is capable of traveling at speeds so fast, that he can cross dimensions into other worlds. Fighting in huge battles against the likes of the Zetton Army, Ultraman has consistently matched the speeds of monsters who rapidly teleport.

Ultraman is extremely durable. He has shrugged off damage from Zetton's 1 Trillion Degree Fireballs, which could destroy an entire solar system. He's tanked blows from the likes of Absolute Tartus and Mold Spectre, who have been stated to be powerful enough to destroy entire galaxies and universes (in this case, a single universe in the Ultra series contains multiple universes, infinitely branching timelines, and numerous amounts of dimensions). Beings such as Absolute Diavolo have destroyed multiple of these universes with relative ease just by flexing their power. This also attributes to his stamina, as he's not only taken the levels of these kinds of attacks, but has continued to fight afterward.

However, despite Ultraman being this incredible giant of power, still has his weaknesses. Specifically, the combined effects of the sun's rays and the atmosphere, Ultraman's presence can't last forever. He only has three minutes to spare, and enemies such as Gomara have been shown to wait out Ultraman's timer in order to beat him. The timer starts as blue, starts blinking red quicker and quicker as time draws thin, and eventually grays out when 100% out of energy. Using large amounts of Spacium for techniques requires using lots of energy, quickening the timer. While this would have originally killed Ultraman in the 1966 series, this now only means that Ultraman will be knocked out into his human appearance. Furthermore, while in human form, Ultraman requires a device known as the Beta Capsule to transform. If taken out in his human form, the giant of light would not be able to manifest.

=SHINJI=

Shinji Ikari is a young teenage boy that pilots the Eva 01, a humanoid mecha that was cloned from the Second Angel Lilith. This Eva contains the soul of Shinji's mom, Yui. Shinji is tied to the wellbeing of his Eva: when it takes damage, he feels that same damage. Syncing your mind to your Eva is required to pilot it, and in the Rebuild movies, his sync rate has been directly stated to be infinite. However, if he were to run out of energy, or take heavy damage, Yui's maternal instincts will take over the Eva, in order to shield Shinji from further harm. If he were to let his emotions get out of control, he can sync his soul with his mother in order to perform feats beyond the normal capabilities of Eva 01. Furthermore, because of Yui, Shinji is able to keep his individuality/existence tangible while in areas such as the Anti-Universe or a Dirac Sea, and can resist mental corruption.

Despite only piloting his Eva for a couple of months, Shinji is an expert in controlling his Eva, and has fought off plenty of giant-sized foes, including his own father, Gendo, who was piloting Eva 13. He has performed incredible acts of gymnastics while in Eva 01, such as consistent back handsprings and giant leaps in the air. He was able to perfectly mirror his movements with Asuka in their duo fight, and can leap incredible lengths over the top of Tokyo 3. When in berserk mode, Eva 01 becomes an agile monster, walking on all fours and quickly leaping back and forth. Shinji's quick thinking in fights, along with his agile mobility, has contributed to many exterminations. Since his sync rate is infinite by the end of Rebuild, he essentially becomes one with Eva 01, and completely dictates how it moves. Shinji's quick thinking and agility have led to many victories in the series.

By the end of the Rebuild movies, Shinji's mental state is stable and determined. While originally losing control of Eva 01 due to the poor health of his mind, the experiences that Shinji has learned to live through led to his maturity into an adult. Shinji seeks to understand others, such as Gendo, and is no longer afraid of seeking connection with others, which is a stark contrast to him at the start of the franchise. As seen in his fight(s) against Eva 03, Shinji becomes enraged when he figures out who the pilot in the uncontrollable mecha is, whether it be Asuka or Tohji. Shinji deeply cares for those around him, and fights so that they may see a bright future.

Shinji's fighting style is a mix of scrappy street fighting and long range precision strikes. He is an expert in using standard NERV weaponry and whatever he can use around him. Shinji is extremely aggressive in his fighting tactics, and has used the assistance of AT Fields to accelerate his attacks. He goes for quick strikes with maximum power, and his enraged states lead the animalistic Eva to ferociously bite into its opponents. Shinji excels in using his environment for sneak attacks and limiting the movement of Angels.

Shinji relies both on equipment provided by NERV, as well as his own willpower/Angelic power of his Eva to fight against Angels. Shinji has shown a deep connection to his Eva, and this bond allows him to regenerate entire limbs. As seen in the final fight of Rebuild 1.11, Shinji can use his willpower to regenerate an entire arm made entirely of light. He can shoot island-destroying lasers from his eyes, which are strong enough to break through dense AT Fields. His willpower was strong enough to evenly match Gendo in the Anti-Universe, which is entirely based on the memories and will of those present.

Shinji has plenty of weapons in his arsenal. He uses giant-sized assault rifles using depleted uranium rounds, snipers that require the energy of all of Japan to use, and a prog knife attached to his Eva that vibrates at a subatomic level, easily slicing through angels. Against Gendo, Shinji showcased expert handling of the Spear of Cassius.

However, Shinji's most important tool is his AT (Absolute Terror) Field. The AT Field is both a physical barrier and the representation of closing of our hearts from each other. In terms of offensive capabilities, he can turn them into invisible tearing weapons capable of severely damaging Angels such as Zeruel. His AT Field can even corroded other AT Fields, leaving Angels open to take serious damage. In extreme cases, Shinji can manifest an Anti AT Field that removes the physical existence/individuality of others, causing them to turn into a liquid known as LCL.

Defensively, the AT Field acts as a barrier of the soul that can't be bypassed by conventional weaponry. Laser beams and physical strikes are blocked, as seen in the fight against Ramiel. AT Fields can also survive extreme conditions such as volcanoes. He can produce multiple AT Fields for levitation and maneuvering quickly on the battlefield Since Shinji is 100% stable, this AT Field can even block soul manipulation and psychic attacks against his mind.

Shinji has soul manipulation. While in more powerful forms, he can separate the souls of those like Rei Ayanami while being assimilated into the consciousness of an Angel. With this Anti AT Field, he gains control over the souls that he turns into LCL.

If Shinji's emotions spike, he can reach a form of his Eva called the Awakened State, which is a sort of pseudo-evolution. When in closely synced with Eva 01, Shinji and the Eva's movements/reality become one in the same. This provides a massive boost in strength for Shinji. Through sheer willpower, Shinji becomes much more powerful. For example, with just a thought, Shinji can regenerate lost limbs with light constructs, and his other powers gain boosts, such as being able to use Anti AT Fields. He is able to maintain his existence in different dimensions, such as the Dirac Sea, and the Anti Universe while in this form.

While in the Anti Universe, Shinji gained a couple of new toys. The Spear of Cassius, the opposite of the Spear of Longinus, is one of these weapons. The Spear of Cassius is the physical embodiment of the concepts of human willpower and hope. It has stopped the continuation of the Near Third Impact, which almost completely destroyed the world. While inside the Anti Universe, the Spear can rewrite the destiny of others, turning doomed fates into those of hope. It is capable of bypassing any AT Field and directly attack the spiritual essence of beings.

The second spear in Shinji's arsenal is the Spear of Gaius, which directly came from the willpower from the WILLE crew. Human in origin, it completely ignores the laws put in place by the gods of the universe, leading humanity to evolve on their own path. This allows Shinji to completely rewrite reality through an event known as Neon Genesis. This spear erased the concept of Eva's existing across all time and space, leading to humanity never remembering/experiencing them. This, however, required a sacrifice, and Gendo and Yui took the place of Shinji so he could live a full life.

In terms of strength, Shinji can hold his own plenty. Even in his base form, Shinji has casually tossed 70,000 ton tankers as improvised projectiles. Combined with his AT Field, Shinji held up the Angel Sahaquiel, who was the size of Tokyo 3, and fell from orbit. Shinji's strength is nothing to be scoffed at. While in Awakened, he can box against beings that exist in separate dimensions such as the Anti Universe, which exists beyond traditional 3D space.

Shinji's speed is terrifying. Due to his infinite synchronization rate, Shinji's actions are instantaneous. He has created sonic booms while running through Tokyo 3. In the Anti Universe, where thought and willpower controls all, Shinji can move at the speed of thought. His attacks already hit their target the minute he desires them to, and can only be matched by those equal to or above his willpower.

Shinji has incredible durability and stamina. He is constantly shown to sustain heavy damage to his Eva, which he is connected to, and is able to continue fighting. Broken arms, torn off limbs, and giant holes in his torso don't stop him. He survived being hit with direct laser fire from Ramiel for minutes, all while being stuck in place. In the Anti Universe and Awakened State, he can take hits from beings powered by their willpower, and is able to consistently maintain his existence in these spaces.

Shinji is not without his faults, however. In the real world, his Eva is stuck to an umbilical cord. If severed, Eva 01 only has five minutes of remaining power to operate. While his Awakened State negates this, Shinji won't be fully in control if this happens. The Eva is not invincible, either; it has taken severe beatings, and has been taken out of commission several times, all of which landed Shinji in the hospital. If Shinji ever breaks down, then his sync rate drops, leading to the Eva not functioning properly. If Shinji decides he needs a power boost from infinite synchronization, he brings huge risk to himself. His ego-barrier could drop, which could lead to his individuality being lost in LCL, or his soul dissolves.

=THE FIGHT=

"I order all personnel to evacuate this ship, now!"

Colonel Misato Katsuragi had just ordered the remaining personnel on the WUNDER to escape with their lives from the collapsing ship over the intercoms. She knew what would happen to her: in exchange for providing Shinji the opportunity to save the world by creating a new spear, she would sacrifice her life in order to ensure it reached him. The blood red of the Another Impact had surrounded NERV HQ, and the environment was filled with the bodies of the Infinites.

"Are you sure of this, colonel?" questioned Ritsuko Akagi, chief scientist of WUNDER, and best friend of Misato.

"...Yes."

With that, Ritsuko flees with the rest of the crew with a determined, yet sad, look on her face. She looks back one last time at the ship, and gets into an escape pod.

-

Shinji and Gendo were fighting within the Anti Universe. They were a one-to-one match of each other, and neither could seem to get the upper hand.

"It's useless, Shinji! By bringing forth Human Instrumentality, you'll be able to be with your mother again. I'll be able to see her again. You can't stop me!"

"I won't stop until you've given up on this! I refuse to allow you to take my friends and family away from me!"

-

While the two were fighting, Mari Illustrious finally powered up her Eva to the max, adding on the strength of other consumed Evas to her own.

"Alright, Ms. Misato! I'm sending my energy right to you! Get ready!"

With that, the spine in WUNDER began to turn, and formed the Spear of Gaius. The spear rammed through the Evangelion Imaginary, but not without a cost. Realizing that her time was up, Misato took one last look at the photograph of her son before the force of the spear caused the ship to begin to explode. She took one last look to the front, where Shinji was currently fighting for the sake of humanity. She smiled, and looked upwards slightly... and noticed something off.

"Wait... what is that light?"

A giant red orb of energy was zooming towards WUNDER. It was a lighter hue of red than the surrounding environment, so anyone could notice its bright glow from a mile away. As it got closer and closer to the ship-turned-weapon, Misato had to cover her eyes from how bright the orb was. Suddenly, the orb was right in front of the exploding ship. Misato couldn't see what was happening, but her vision was suddenly darkened. When he opened her eyes, she discovered that two giant silver hands had encased her body, protecting her from the explosion. A light blue hue covered her entire body. Suddenly, she heard a voice ring through her head.

"Your light is not ready to extinguish yet, Misato Katsuragi."

-

The father-and-son fight continued to escalate. Both were using AT Fields to the max, and the fight was at a standstill once more. Hearing a loud noise, Gendo looked to his right in the white void that was the Anti Universe.

"WUNDER created a new spear? This shouldn't be possible! And what is that? This isn't apart of SEELE's scenario at all..."

"What are you talking about, father?" Shinji asked. He looked to where Gendo had averted his attention, and saw something strange. A mysterious silver and red streak was racing towards them, the Spear of Gaius following in the back. Suddenly, it blitzed into the ground between Shinji and Gendo, and both jumped back in surprise at its speed.

The dust began to settle, and a strange hum was emanating from the now humanoid silhouette. A sharp set of yellow eyes pierced the dark, and the alien rose from the ground. Finally, it fully revealed its stature; Ultraman had arrived. The giant of light had felt discrepancies in one of the surrounding universes, and by using his travel sphere, broke through the dimensional barrier. Carefully, he set down the Spear of Gaius on the ground. He took one look at Gendo, and turned towards Shinji. One felt cold and detached, while the other was brimming with a recently awakened light.

"You're in the way!" cried out Gendo, who lunged at Ultraman with the Spear of Longinus. In a flash, Ultraman had dodged the strike, and threw Eva 13 over his shoulder into the fake sky, causing it to fall of its hinges slightly. Ultraman began to rapidly spin his body, and yellow rings appeared around him. They floated on top of the recovering Gendo, and bound him tight.

"Father!"

With a thought, the Spear of Gaius appeared in Shinji's hand, and he took a fighting stance. This was very confusing to the young boy: who was this mysterious giant? What had happened outside? Did something happen to the WUNDER crew? It seemed that he posed a threat, and even had the Spear of Gaius with him.

"I don't know who you are, but I'll need you to stay out of this!"

With that, Shinji tossed the Spear of Gaius in the air, and pulled an assault rifle from the ground, rapidly firing at Ultraman. Puffing his chest out, Ultraman effortlessly took the blows head on. Somersaulting to gain distance, Shinji manifested his protron sniper rifle, and shot it straight towards Ultraman's chest while midair. Crossing his arms, Ultraman braced for the impact, and the energy dissolved on contact.

He's strong! I'll need to get close.

Shinji, using an AT Field as a leverage point, began to boost towards Ultraman. However, just before reaching him, he swiftly directed his momentum away. Using multiple AT Fields, he began to rapidly bounce around the silver giant, at speeds so fast it could be compared to teleportation. Seeing his chance, Shinji pulled out his prog knife, and lunged towards Ultraman. To his shock, Ultraman fell under Shinji, and kicked him up with a comma throw. Shinji gagged at being hit with the kick, and was sent flying into Misato's apartment. Sitting up instantly in his Eva 01, Shinji began to think.

How did he catch me like that? Does he know what my next moves are going to be? And he's got the speed to boot. This won't be easy... what is that?

A green, spiral beam of energy suddenly hit Shinji square on the chest. Looking straight across from him, Shinji saw Ultraman's arm extended out.

What is this? I can barely move!

Shinji, using an AT Field, began to slowly move across the table towards Ultraman, but it was already too late. He crossed his arms, and the chest of Eva 01 exploded. Gasping in pain, Shinji was sent crashing into the night sky; the location was now NERV HQ before the Near Third Impact. Recovering, Shinji used a back extension to get on his feat, and saw the giant standing a distance away from him.

What is he doing? He's just staring at me, almost like he's studying me... shit, here he comes! Now what?

Ultraman took the pose for his Ultra Slash, and sent the buzzsaw of Spacium directly at Shinji. Realizing that he'd be in trouble if hit, Shinji began to rapidly dash away, using AT Fields to gain momentum. Looking behind him, Shinji realized that the saw was still on his trail. He tried weaving through the buildings of Tokyo 3, but the saw kept gaining on him. Looking ahead, he realized that the silver giant was going to intercept him.

This is bad! I'm going to be hit with a pincer attack. The only way I can go is up!

Eva 01 leaps into the air, but suddenly, Shinji froze. Having limited the mech's movement, Ultraman used his Ultra Air Catch in order to freeze Shinji in place. The saw suddenly split into two, cutting off Shinji's arms, leading to Shinji crying out in pain. Ultraman was visibly stunned when he heard this; he knew that the Eva was being piloted, but when he heard Shinji's scream, he used his Ultra Sense, and made a horrifying discovery: the boy took direct damage from the Eva.

Suddenly, the Eva began to glow a blinding white, and Shinji went into his Awakened State. Eyes glowing red, Eva 01 let out an ear-piercing cry of rage. The arms that had been sliced off were replaced with blazing while constructs, and Shinji fired a laser from his eye towards Ultraman attempted to use the Rebound Beam to block the attack, but it cut the barrier in half, leading Ultraman to take a direct hit. He was sent flying back, landing directly into a skyscraper in Tokyo 3, and it fell directly over him.

The Awakened Eva wasn't done, however. Quickly, it sprinted on all fours towards Ultraman, who quickly recovered. Ultraman attempted to use Ultra Psychokinesis on the Awakened Eva 01, but to no avail. The beast slammed into Ultraman, biting into his shoulder, causing the two to fall to the ground. A scramble for top control began, but Ultraman was being overpowered. His color timer began to blink red. If Ultraman's color timer ran out, he will never rise again.

Kicking the savage Eva off of him, Ultraman recovers, but suddenly saw the berserker raise its arm towards him. Ultraman was hit with an Anti AT Field, and was brought to his knees. He resisted its effects, but he needed control, something the Eva wouldn't give to him. Ultraman's color timer began to blink rapidly. Savagely, the Eva grabbed the Spear of Gaius and Cassius, and threw them at Ultraman. At the speed of teleportation, Ultraman stood, and began to rapidly spin his body. The spears made contact with Ultraman.

This fight is over.

Gendo, who was watching this fight from his constraints, thought this as the spears were flying towards the giant not foretold in prophecy. The Anti Universe's ultimate weapons were the spears, and this being's very conceptual existence would be erased. He would be freed, and would continue to fight for his Human Insta-

WHAT?!

The spears didn't erase Ultraman. Instead, the space around Ultraman warped, and the spears were deflected back towards the Eva. However, just before the spears could hit the vulnerable Eva, they stopped inches from its body; Ultraman had used his telekinesis to stop them mid air. Not paying this any mind, the berserker had thrown the stationary spears aside, and began charging at Ultraman. Sprouting wings, it flew in an unstoppable rage towards the giant of light. Ultraman, knowing what he had to do, raised his arms in the sign of the Spacium Beam. The beast lunged at Ultraman, and...

Ultraman stopped.

Rather than firing his Spacium Beam, Ultraman pushed his arms towards the lashing-out Eva. It put up a mighty AT Field in order to stop him. Covering his entire arms with Spacium, Ultraman continued to push at the barrier, until it dissolved into a bright blue light. With that, Ultraman reached into the very essence of the Eva, and saw Shinji's soul assimilated into the Eva, stuck in a comatose state. Using his energy, Ultraman grabbed Shinji's existence, stabilized it, and pulled it out of the Eva. He noticed someone else's tortured soul in the Eva, the lashing out soul of a mother protecting her child, and pulled them out as well.

-

"Father!"

Suddenly waking up, Shinji realized that he was in the same hospital room he had been in so many times before. Looking around, he saw that no one else was in the room with him.

Am I dreaming, or am I dead? I remember my arms being cut off, and blacking out. What happened to me. Where's Father? Did he complete Human Instrumentality? Is that why I'm here?

There was a knock on the door. It was light, and was very gentle.

"Come in?"

The door opened, and a woman stepped through the door. She was wearing simple clothes: a white shirt, purple blouse. Her hair was a hazelnut brown, and she had a smile that Shinji could only compare to a sunset. She looked familiar...

Is that Rei? No, she looks different, but similar at the same time. Wait, is she-

"Hello, Shinji."

"Mom?"

Suddenly, Yui Ayanami lunged at Shinji, and the two shared a tight embrace. Both began to cry in the others arms. They stayed there, hugging the life out of each other, until they slowly let go.

"I don't- don't understand? How are y-ou here? Am I dead? Where are we? Where's Father? What happe-"

"Shhh, everything's going to be OK now. You should be thanking Hayata-san for saving your life. Had he not intervened, we might have lost you forever."

"Hayata? Who's that?"

"Come with me."

Taking Shinji's hand, the mother and son walked out of the hospital room. Looking outside, Shinji realized that they weren't in Tokyo 3, or maybe not even the Anti Universe anymore. The buildings outside were giant, emerald structures, and they went up farther than the eye could see. Giants similar to who Shinji was fighting were flying past, and waving at the two. One had a boomerang on his head, and another had large horns.

Finally, they exited the building. Outside was a small bench. Gendo Ikari had his face planted in his hands, and was crying uncontrollably. Next to him, an elderly man, donned in a formal brown and gold uniform, consoled him. Sensing the pair's presence, he turned back to face them with a warm smile.

"Hello, Yui. Hello, Shinji. I'm glad you two made it out OK. Please, take a seat."

The pair took a seat next to Gendo, who was beginning to calm down.

"Um, who are you?" asked a confused Shinji.

"I am but a traveller. I felt a disturbance in your universe, as if it was collapsing in on itself. I heard the cries of many troubled souls, and I felt a strong presence of light drawing me in. I came to investigate, and I found you and your father, Shinji."

"Where are we?"

"This is my home: the Land of Light. It exists far outside your universe, and acts as a gate to other universes like yours, Shinji. You are completely safe from Angels and calamities here."

"Wait, what about my friends?! What happened to them? Are they safe?"

"Yes, they are all safe back in your world. However, I'd like to talk to you about something."

Hayata opened his left palm, and revealed the shrunk versions of the Spear of Cassius and Gaius.

"Those are the spears! What are you going to do with them?"

"I'm giving them back to their rightful owner."

Hayata floated the spears towards Shinji, who took them in his hand.

"Let's head back to your universe."

Suddenly, the environment warped around them. They were in the Anti Universe, after all: it was just the memory of Hayata maintaining its form. They were back in Tokyo 3.

"You have the ability to help those closest to you Shinji. You were forced to burden a destiny of despair and death, and despite that, you grew into a hero. Gaius represents humanity's willpower and indomitable spirit, while Cassius represents the restoration of what's right. Tell me Shinji, what will you do next?"

Shinji, with a determined look on his face, made up his mind.

"I'll rewrite my world away from Eva's. I'll completely erase their existence and memory, and I'll-"

"Take away the evidence of humanities triumph?

"What do you mean?"

"While the Evangelions were weapons of death, they are also the testament to the strength of the human heart. It is because of the Eva's that humanity rose once again, stronger than ever. By erasing the memory and existence of them, you erase why you even fought in the first place."

"Well," said a stumped Shinji, "What should I do?"

"Do not erase the memory, but rather, the need for the Evangelions. Use your Neon Genesis to create a world that makes the spears into pillars of hope. Let humanity remember the pain they endured not as a nightmare, but the final hurdle cleared for a better, brighter future."

With that, Hayata pulled out the Beta Capsule. In a flash of a million watts, the giant of light appeared again. Taking the spears and enlarging them in the crumbling Anti Universe, Ultraman put his life force into Cassius and Gaius. Glowing a bright red emanated from them. Like a peaceful wave, the world was restored: the oceans were blue, cities were rebuilt, and any evidence of coreization and Eva destruction were gone. But, the memory of those who sacrificed everything to meet this dream was still intact.

-

Shinji stood on the beach for the first time with his parents, and all of his friends and family surrounded them. Misato cried and hugged Shinji to death, her tears illuminated in the bright moonlight. Asuka was looking at the giant in awe, and Mari seemed to be analyzing it. Rei smiled, not only because she was free to be herself, but because she could now live in a world where Shinji didn't need to pilot an Eva anymore.

"Hayata-san, will I ever hear from you again?"

In a telepathic voice, Ultraman reached out to everyone.

"Whenever you look out to the cosmos, you will know that I am there. Wherever there is light in the night sky, I will be watching."

And, with that, Ultraman looks up to the sky, and leaps into flight.

"SCHUATCH!"

Everyone was bonding with each other. Now that the Eva's were gone, humanity could go on, stronger than ever. The Curse of Eva was finally lifted, and a sense of perseverance and courage was in the air. Suddenly, Kensuke noticed something in the sky.

"Everyone, look!"

Everyone turned towards the night sky, and gasped at what they saw. In the sky, a constellation of Ultraman had appeared, and a single word was written next to it:

HOPE

Shinji, a smile manifesting on his face, said his final goodbyes to the giant of light.

"Thank you, Ultraman."

=THE END=