r/JojoPowerscaling

Steel Ball Run has finally begun its weekly schedule release. To celebrate this long-awaited series, I've decided to put the two most iconic patriotic villains, Funny Valentine and Senator Armstrong, against each other.

Will Valentine take the first napkin for his country, or will Armstrong erect a stronger America from the rubble?

Let's find out. Spoilers ahead for Steel Ball Run and Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

(NOTE! I'm asking from the bottom of my heart, PLEASE don't just say, "I'm not reading all that," if you don't want to read what follows. I put a lot of effort into making this, and would appreciate legitimate criticism.)

Senator Steven Armstrong

I have a dream! That one day, every person in this nation will control their own destiny! A nation of the truly free, dammit! A nation of action, not words-governed by strength, not committee!"

History

Steven Armstrong was born in the state of Colorado, and would go on to play college football for the University of Texas as an offensive lineman, before serving in the United States Navy. He later entered federal politics, becoming a senator for his home state. However, behind his political front, Armstrong was the secret financer, chief executive, and leader of World Marshal Inc. and it's black-ops cybernetic military subsidiary, Desperado Enforcement LLC.

Armstrong believes that America (events take place during 2020) and the entire world is crippled by media, corporate greed, and corrupt political figures that keep its citizens weak. As a radical Social Darwinist, Armstrong believes in the survival of the fittest, and wants to give Americans the opportunity to truly fight for their dreams. To achieve this, he planned to essentially start World War 3 to fund his schemes, which he would use to internally destroy the military-industrial complex and state control, ending war as a business.

Armstrong wanted to use war as a business to end war as a business.

Because of his philosophy, Armstrong can't object to those who are stronger than him, or have more resolve than him. Despite this, Armstrong openly welcomes those who oppose him with their own conviction, even attempting to recruit the strong onto his side, which has been seen with Jetstream Sam and Raiden.

The main antagonist of MGRR, Armstrong funds Desperado's rogue PMC operations, harvests the brains of child orphans for the cybernetic Sears Program (child soldiers), and even attempted to execute a false flags operation to kill the U.S. President in Pakistan. His goal was to get funding from the crisis to finance his presidential campaign and cause an American Revolution straight from the White House.

Mindset

Armstrong is an individual with gifted intelligence. He has years of combat training under his experience, and is capable of defeating super soldiers such as Jetstream Sam and Raiden. He is considered to be a very charismatic leader, and is capable enough to run large, secret organizations.

Armstrong's fighting style is very unorthodox, but also very direct. Armstrong focuses on raw, heavy attacks, supercharged football tackles, and grappling. He is always keeping the pressure on an opponent, and one strike from him could easily take you out for good.

Powers

Despite his initial appearance, and his original role as a shadow orchestrator, you find out quickly that Armstrong is very much capable of holding his own against opponents.

Armstrong's most iconic ability is his nanomachines. When Armstrong comes into any sort of physical trauma, nanomachines injected into his bloodstream fuse with his skin almost instantly, creating a black armor that nullifies the damage. These nanomachines are powerful enough to nullify the blows from Raiden, a cyborg ninja capable of throwing thousand-ton robots such as Metal Gear EXCELSUS, as well as his high-frequency sword. He can even make cut-off limbs into weapons, as when Jetstream Sam cut off his arm, he struck back by sharpening the stump of his arm with his nanomachines.

These nanomachines allow for much more than defense, however. Armstrong has superhuman strength and speed that puts him high above your regular cyborg. He's punched through Metal Gear EXCELSUS' armor like it was paper, and has kept up with Raiden, who is able to perceive time as if it were slowing down. He can easily throw a grown person into the air and send them flying with a good punt.

Because of his cybernetic nature, Armstrong can siphon energy from any sort of machine or vehicle. This allows him to regenerate, attach removed limbs, and even supercharge his attacks.

If Armstrong needs powerful, AOE and ranged attacks, he can rely on his electromagnetic and geokinetic manipulation. He can hurl multi-ton pieces of metal and military vehicles at opponents via utilizing magnetic forces, and by striking the ground, superheated magma geysers erupt from the ground, even including powerful shockwaves.

Weaknesses

No matter how powerful Armstrong may be, he is still limited in his capabilities.

For one, Armstrong's nanomachines depend on physical contact with something; if the nanomachines faced off against a sort of durability-bypassing weapon, Armstrong would still be injured.

Sir Isaac Newton established the rule of every action has an equal reaction, and Armstrong's no different. Because of how powerful his attacks and regeneration are, Armstrong must rejuvenate himself by draining energy from energy sources. If unable to, his output is heavily reduced.

As seen in his fight against Jetstream Sam, it's possible to outspeed Armstrong's nanomachines. By using an attack faster than the nanomachines react, they are bypassed completely.

All of Armstrong's nanomachines come from his heart, hence the slight delay in their reaction speed. By taking out his heart, Armstrong's nanomachines cease functioning, and his regeneration is put to an end. By ripping out and crushing his heart, Raiden was finally able to defeat the mad senator.

For a full, comprehensive list of Armstrong's capabilities and limits, you can go here.

We can wipe the slate clean. Burn it down! From the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed!

Funny Valentine

Suppose you were sitting at a table. Which napkin would you take? The one on your 'left'? Or the one on your 'right'? The one who chooses the first napkin dictates the actions of all who follow. That is power.

History

In an alternate universe, Funny Valentine was the 23rd President of the United States during the 1890s. As a child, his father was a Union soldier who died in captivity, secretly preserving a handkerchief in his eye socket as a symbol to his patriotic duty. Later serving the Union as a soldier himself, Valentine was also caught and tortured, which led to the Stars and Stripes being scarred onto his back. Left for dead in the Devil's Palm, he discovered the Heart of the Holy Corpse buried in the sand. Through sheer conviction, Valentine survived, and climbed to the presidency.

Valentine's character is personified by his First Napkin analogy (Napkin Theory). At a dinner table, whoever takes the napkin first dictates which napkin other guests take. True power is found in the leader with absolute authority to boldly take the first action. Valentine would sacrifice anything in order to ensure American prosperity, but believes that he's the only one worthy of such a task. He planned to gather the Holy Corpse scattered across the country to redirect all misfortune (disease, poverty, war, etc) to other countries, ensuring eternal national prosperity.

Valentine wants to the Holy Corpse to ensure America remains prosperous for eternity.

However, this isn't true greatness for America. In nature, this is known as parasitism, or a parasitic relationship. By redirecting all misfortune away from America, Valentine ensures that all other countries will grow to despise the United States, not ever establishing genuine peace. He also puts his objectives above everything else, including sworn promises and people.

As the main villain of SBR, Valentine is the secret mastermind behind the Steel Ball Run horse race, which is a government-funded front to find, excavate, and assemble the Holy Corpse across North America. For most of the story, Valentine sends assassins against Johnny Joestar and Gyro Zeppeli to stop them thwarting his plans.

Mindset

Valentine is a cold, calculating schemer. Every battle is a chess game to him, and due to the nature of his abilities, treats his body as an expendable chess piece. He's an expert in stand battles, and has military training. He was an extremely charismatic president, with an insane 91% approval rating. His greatest strength isn't his powers, but rather, the ability to convince people with his words.

Valentine's fighting style is full of surprise attacks and difficult-to-read attacks. He thrives in tight, narrow areas, and can catch almost anyone off guard. The minute you lose sight of him, it's already too late. It doesn't help that Valentine is sneak-nation certified; his feet don't make any noise while moving. He has beaten top-tier combatants such as the original Diego Brando and Wekapipo with his cleverness and element of surprise.

Powers

Even though Valentine hid in the shadows for most of the story, he is perfectly willing to get his own hands dirty if needed.

Valentine always carries what seems to be a Remington 1875 silver revolver on him, which acts as his ranged-combat option. He is a pretty good marksman, able to avoid vital spots on targets such as Axl Rose, and landed critical shots on Johnny Joestar in their final duel.

Valentine is a stand user. Stands are the embodiment of the user's nature/character, and can only be seen by other stand users (or those with spiritually attuned powers).

Valentine's stand is called Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (or D4C for short), which is named after the AC/DC song and album of the same name. This is an extremely powerful close-range stand, as all of its stats are in the "A" tier except for range, which is a "C", making its effective radius around 2 meters. This puts it at the same level of stands such as Star Platinum and The World, which are able to break diamond and steel as if it were nothing. This also puts its attacking and reaction speed at relativistic, as it matches Star Platinum's stats.

D4C's main ability is the ability to visit neighboring worlds in the same position as it (dimensional travel to infinite, parallel worlds). By sandwiching himself or anything else between two objects, such as the ground and the American flag, Valentine can make him and anything else travel to a parallel dimension.

Defensively, this allows for two things. One, Valentine can escape sticky situations with D4C if cornered. He can easily evade attacks and regroup himself, continuing the fight after strategizing from the safety of an alternate dimension. More importantly, however, is the immortality aspect of D4C. If Valentine is on the verge of death, and he travels to another dimension in time, D4C transfers to that world's Valentine, who gains the memories of the previous Valentine, allowing him to continue the fight.

From an offensive standpoint, D4C is a paradoxical nightmare. Standardly, Valentine can redirect attacks and land surprise attacks from weird angles. Valentine can also bring dimensional clones with him to help jump an opponent. They all have their revolvers, raining bullet hell on opponents. Valentine can also hide his main body in the clones for more surprise attacks.

However, the most terrifying aspect is the Menger Sponge Paradox. Only Valentine can exist in another dimension, due to D4C acting as a gravitational anchor. Without D4C, two alternates, whether object or person, can't exist at once. This causes the two objects to be drawn together when in close proximity, turning them into Menger sponges. These are shapes with no volume but infinite surface area; if you come into contact with one, you're shredded down to the molecular level.

D4C: Love Train

There is one aspect to D4C that is arguably his most powerful: Love Train (named after The O'Jays song of the same name.

When the Holy Corpse used Lucy Steel (a 14 year old girl; Valentine is 100% in the files) as its vessel, a gap of light surrounds Valentine. Love Train is a dimensional gap in space that is more similar to a safe zone rather than a traditional barrier. This gap in space allows Valentine to travel anywhere instantly within Love Train, and he can even levitate off the ground with it.

Love Train's main ability is the redirection of misfortune away from Valentine. Any sort of attack that can't bypass the light is transferred to somewhere else in the world. If you shot Valentine, the bullet would disappear, only for you to see in the gap that a farmer accidentally broke his neck while doing his work.

Interestingly enough, this also applies to Valentine's surroundings. Love Train exerts a spatial, gravitational pull that draws in fortunate things to the president. Terrain, objects, and even natural hazards shift to benefit Valentine, which allows Valentine to get close to opponents without needing to move, and puts opponents in disadvantageous positions.

Love Train is more than just pure defense. If D4C were to exit Love Train to attack an opponent, and land any sort of mark on them (whether it be a cut or bruise) while the ability is active, the wound will travel to the vital spot(s) of the opponent, manifesting Valentine's good luck, while creating bad luck for an opponent. A single scratch could travel straight to your heart, leaving a lethal injury.

Weaknesses

As crazy powerful Valentine may be, he still is bound to rules that limit his abilities.

Valentine is technically immortal, but not if he can't transfer D4C to another version of himself. If he were to be killed in a single hit and unable to go to another dimension, Valentine dies on the spot, unable to transfer his consciousness (as explained during Diego Brando and Hot Pants vs. Valentine).

Dimension hopping requires Valentine to be sandwiched between two objects (two objects pressed together). If he's attacked mid-air or completely open space, Valentine can't travel dimensions, leaving him wide open.

Love Train is almost unbeatable, emphasis on almost. Valentine doesn't actually have 24/7 access to Love Train, as the ability is directly tied to Lucy Steel and her stand Ticket to Ride. If he's too far away from her, or she's moved from her current location (by someone without ill intent towards her or Valentine, such as Steven Steel), Valentine will be forced to move that direction, or the ability turns off.

D4C cannot attack inside Love Train's protective zone, and must exit the space to attack. This leaves Valentine vulnerable, where he can be grabbed or attacked while outside the gaps of light.

While standard, physical attacks are useless against Love Train due to them being misfortune, there are forces above it that can bypass the luck-manipulating ability. If one were to use an attack utilizing infinite rotation or spatial energy, they can break through Love Train. Johnny Joestar defeated Valentine by utilizing Tusk Act 4's infinite energy to hit Valentine across all dimensions, leading to his downfall.

For a full, comprehensive list of Valentine's capabilities and limits, you can go here.

My heart and actions are utterly unclouded! They are all those of 'Justice'!

Analysis End

Alright, our combatants are set! It's time to settle this debate once and for all.

Let's see which political figure comes out on top...

===

We'll start on the coastline of Philadelphia, 1891. The dim, orange sun fills the sky with yellows and bright reds, and the ball of light reflects on the water. But, something's off, you see. There was a train stopped, and if one were to count the cars, a couple would be missing. Two figures were on the rocky terrain. One was on their knees, holding his hand up as if it were a weapon, while the other stood over him, seemingly pitying the cripple.

"You... what have you done... with Gyro?"

Johnny Joestar was in a hunched position, blood covering his blue clothes. One of his hands had been cut clean off, but the bleeding had stopped by now. To Johnny, it was all a blur; Gyro suddenly disappearing; being attacked seemingly from thin air; being put in the position he was now. All Johnny could think was the whereabouts of his best friend.

"I assure you, Johnny Joestar, I am not responsible for Gyro's sudden disappearance. Perhaps he got cold feet, and left you here as a distraction. Or, he's currently planning to take the Holy Corpse for himself. Either the case, I shall eliminate him in due time, as I shall do the same to you."

23rd President Funny Valentine stood over the horse racer, the air filled with his authoritative presence. Surrounding him was a veil of glittering light, and on his left shoulder, the looming figure of D4C held its hand up high in a slicing stance.

Suddenly, Valentine felt something was off. It felt almost like a pulling force... a force coming from D4C.

What is this energy I'm feeling... it's the same as the Holy Corpse! This shouldn't be possible; the Corpse is still using Lucy Steel as its vessel. This world is the only one where the Corpse exists; how can I feel its presence from elsewhere? It's coming from D4C... unless...

Valentine turned away from Johnny, and began approaching the train. Johnny still held his hand out, his pointer finger nail spinning with perfect rotational energy, but he knew it was useless to fire. He watched Valentine walk into the train car with Lucy Steel in it, and for a brief moment, seemed to disappear. Suddenly, Valentine walked out of the train car once more, his purple suit shining against the sun, and he was holding an American flag. Valentine walked closer to Johnny, who instinctively began to crawl away.

"Do not fear, Johnny Joestar. I shall not kill you yet. You are on the verge of death, anyway, and I would be wasting my time. It seems I have more pressing matters to deal with... not in another dimension..."

With that, Valentine threw the flag in the air, and it slowly descended on the president's figure. Before he completely disappeared, Johnny heard one last remark from Valentine.

"But in another time."

...

Back to the current day, a storm was passing over the countryside of Philadelphia. Heavy rain poured onto the terrain, and thunderclaps were occasionally heard. A pair of headlights were seen traversing the dirt road, and an armored vehicle rounded the corner. It had a simple insignia on both sides that would've been visible, if not for the dark clouds blotting out the sky:

S.W.F

The interior of the vehicle was bizarre, to say the least. The most normal looking of the trio was wearing a sort of gray uniform, and was driving the vehicle to its checkpoint within the city. The man on the passenger's side was wearing a mix of purple and green, a giant star taking up most of his hat, which seemed to merge with his black hair. The strangest of all was the man in the back; he was seemingly some sort of cowboy, wearing a large, western hat, and holsters containing green, steel balls.

"How long is this going to take? I need to get to Johnny as quickly as possible! Who knows what has happened to him?"

Gyro Zeppeli was becoming impatient. All he could think about was getting back to his best friend, and being stuck in the future wasn't helping. He kept looking out his window into the gloomy weather, and sighed under his breath.

"We'll get you back once we fully retrieve the Holy Corpse. Once we get it back into the bunker, we'll use its energy to pinpoint your return to 1891. If we can't get the Corpse back into hiding, then we run the risk of a third party stealing it for nefarious purposes."

Jotaro Kujo responded to Gyro calmly, but firmly. He had listened to Gyro's adventures during the Steel Ball Run horse race, and had learned the truth behind its purpose, and Valentine's true character. After leaving Jujutsu High, they had travelled back to the States, where they used Speedwagon Foundation transportation to move unseen.

"Mr. Jotaro, have we been scheduled for an early checkpoint release?" The driver had asked with caution in his voice.

"No, why?"

"I think we have trouble."

A huge blockade of military contractors blocked the road, their black boots slightly sinking into the mud road. There was no way around, and when looking in the rear view mirror, Jotaro realized that more soldiers had circled behind from a distance; there was no direct escape. He then keenly observed their insignia on the side of their riot shields being held like a spartan wall:

World Marshal Inc.

Good grief. And this is what I get for not paying attention just one time.

"Gyro, it looks like our third party decided to show up. Stay close to the vehicle, and make sure our diver doesn't get hurt."

"Really? We outta teach these assholes some manners, wasting my time like this!"

The vehicle stopped, and both men stepped outside, the rain beginning to seep into their dry clothing. Jotaro stepped directly in front of the vehicle, while Gyro moved to the driver's side, unbuckling his holsters.

"So, know anything about these friends of yours, Jotaro?"

"They're called World Marshal Inc. It's the largest PMC in the world, and is headquartered in Colorado. I was able to gain information about them through Speedwagon Foundation documents, and it seems their boss is actually running for president right now; his name is-"

"I think I can introduce myself just fine, Jotaro Kujo."

The men dressed in all black military uniforms parted down the line to reveal a single, hulking figure behind them. He began walking towards the duo, a nasty grin across his face, and a giant cigar puffing smoke, the bright light illuminating the darkened environment. He wore a black suit, yellow tie, and his glasses seemingly were immune to the rain.

"The name's Armstrong, son. And I'm going to need what's in that vehicle."

Senator Steven Armstrong began to stare down Jotaro, and the two men didn't budge. If one were to describe it, it would almost be a clash of conqueror's haki with just thin air.

"I suggest you move aside, Armstrong. This is way out of your depth."

A shadowy silhouette began to take shape behind Jotaro, a shape only Gyro could see. He knew what it meant, however; a fight was about to break out.

"Oh, really, is that so? Well, let me tell you something, you Japanese parasite. You couldn't even begin to think what I could do with that artifact you have. I could have an unlimited energy supply to see my mission through. I could single handedly create a world for the strong to survive in; a world where the limp-dick politicians of today weaken the spirit of the average American! A world where people are truly free! A world where corrupt bureaucrats would tremble before those with real character!"

Armstrong threw off his jacket, revealing his white shirt, and the grotesque outline of his heart underneath. His eyes began to glow a faint red behind his glasses, and he began to stretch his arms out. Walking over to one of the vehicles behind him, he threw his fist into the engine, and energy seemed to radiate from him. After a harsh, gritty laugh, he faced Jotaro once more.

"I'm out of my depth, Jotaro-san? Well, I AM the deep end!"

Suddenly, a blazing yellow light burst from Armstrong's tossed jacket, and everyone backed up. Armstrong, taken aback, instinctively activated the nanomachines underneath him, which became visible from his ripped sleeves. The jacket seemed to be filling itself with some sort of air, as if a ghost had filled up the jacket.

The light disappeared as quickly as it had manifested, and standing before the group was a bizarre man. He wore an all pink suit that darkened with the rain, and his luscious, blonde hair was curled back. Gyro couldn't believe his eyes.

How the hell is HE here?! This should be impossible! He should be back in my time with Johnny- wait, if he's here, then does that mean...

"Valentine!"

Funny Valentine turned to the familiar voice that had called him.

"Well, so this is where you were hiding, Gyro Zeppeli? I must admit, I wouldn't have expected you to be here, or should I say when, of all places. But, you are no importance to me now. There are matters of the State I must address first."

Valentine then turned to Armstrong, who was still taken aback, but was giving him a glaring look.

"I've heard everything from the rift. Your character perplexes me, Senator. You hold the title of an American servant, and yet you speak with the tongue of a brute. If those like you are in power currently, then perhaps I should mandate literacy tests for all citizens in my time."

Valentine folded his arms behind his back, and began to speak once more.

"Senator, your job is to serve the American people, and sacrifice your very being for the country. You speak of freedom, yet you preach the law of the jungle; the law of savages. A true, American leader must take the first action, so that others may follow suit. You are no American savior, Senator, but a wild beast wearing the tailored suit of a statesman. I seek to ensure America's prosperity with the Holy Corpse's protection, and you seek to destroy it. I will not allow this to happen."

For three, long seconds, Armstrong stared at the man in front of him. Then, he threw back his head, and began laughing loud enough to ring the ears of those around him, seemingly parting the rain around them.

"You've got to be shittin' me, Valentine!"

Armstrong flexed his chest and arms, and the rest of his shirt was torn off completely. What remained was bulging veins, a heart, and the pants and shoes he wore.

"I've read all about you in the unclassified Patriot files; I know exactly who you truly are! The whole reason this country is sick is because of men like you, Valentine. It's choked behind media propaganda, scheming lawyers, and cowards that hide behind ancient artifacts, just like you! I'm going to tear your system down so that a man can fight his own wars for once! That's real American freedom! And you can't stop me!"

Valentine's stoic expression didn't falter. He simply adjusted the collar of his jacket.

"Then you are a 'misfortune' to the Republic, Senator. A 'misfortune' I must eliminate."

FIGHT!

Armstrong charged at Valentine, then pivoting into a punch. Before the punch reached his head, however, an invisible force blocked the attack. The nanomachines almost instantly hardened, dealing no recoil damage to Armstrong.

Armstrong noticed Valentine's left shoulder move, indicating a hidden weapon. Before he could move, he felt three sharp clangs against his chest: Valentine had pulled out his revolver, shooting at the Senator's large frame, only for them to harmlessly bounce off his chest. Armstrong smiled.

"Nice gun, son. Mine's bigger!"

Armstrong attempted to grab Valentine's arm, but was slowed down by an invisible force. Armstrong saw his nanomachines outlining hands grabbing his arm in a vice grip.

"So, you have some supernatural horseshit up your sleeve, huh? Who gives a damn?!"

Armstrong powered through the invisible grip, grabbing Valentine's arm, and tossed him sky high. Just as Valentine came back down, Armstrong punted him straight into the mountainside next to the road. The snapping of bones rang out through the road, and Valentine was struggling to move; every bone in his body had been broken.

Just then, the impact caused dead leaves from a parallel tree to fall on top of Valentine, eventually making him disappear underneath. Armstrong gave a disgusted smirk towards Valentine's body.

"Hm. Same as the rest. Now, where were we-"

Suddenly, Armstrong felt a dull impact hit his face, and turned back to find Valentine shooting him once more. His posture indicated that he had taken no damage whatsoever.

"Tougher than you look, eh? Let me change that real quick!"

Armstrong began storming towards Valentine in a football stance, when suddenly, two more Valentines appeared from the leaves, and all three dodged out of the way. Armstrong collided with the mountainside, and a tremor made some of those present lose their footing. The Worlds Inc. soldiers had already begun fleeing the scene, while Jotaro and Gyro held their ground.

"You see it, right Jotaro?" Gyro asked Jotaro hurriedly.

"Yeah, I see it alright. I see Valentine's stand."

All three Valentine's began shooting once more at Armstrong, but still to no success.

"It seems traditional firepower is useless against him," the middle Valentine remarked.

"Indeed. It seems we'll have to go with a more indirect approach," the leftmost Valentine said.

Armstrong's arms began to sizzle, and a yellow-orange energy eradicated serious heat within it, as it was trying to burst straight out of his black-armored skin. It combined with his chest, and the rain evaporated before it even touched him.

"You think your pathetic magic tricks intimidate me, Valentine? Far from it! I've just about had enough of your small talk!"

Armstrong's arms slammed into the ground, and a geyser of raw magma erupted underneath the Valentine's, eviscerating them almost instantly; their remains were buried under the molten earth.

Armstrong stood up, dusting himself off, a satisfied grin appearing.

"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."

"An impressive display of raw force, Senator."

The smile instantly disappeared as Armstrong faced the tree line. Framed by falling pine needles and rain, more Valentine's began to appear. Armstrong counted five... then ten... twenty total.

"However," the center-most Valentine said stepping forward, "I can travel across every single parallel world. You will tire with your limited stamina, while I fight for my country's future for eternity."

Armstrong's jaw tightened, and he cracked his knuckles, his nanomachines reacting.

"So what? That just means I have to beat the shit out of all of you! Let's go!"

Armstrong leapt into the battalion of Valentine's, sending bodies flying. Two tried to pin him to the ground, but Armstrong bashed their bodies onto the floor, blood mixing with the mud. Armstrong used the bodies as extensions, swinging them around to hit other clones.

However, Armstrong failed to notice that his tossed-aside jacket was now floating in the air. Suddenly, Armstrong felt a punching force on his head, which smashed the jacket onto him. Oddly enough, he phazed through it.

"What the-"

"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap."

Armstrong swung behind him, but his arm was once again blocked by the invisible force.

"My ability allows me to travel to infinite neighboring dimensions. However, I'm the only one that can survive. When two of the same objects meet, they cannot exist at once. Hence, they are erased. Observe, Senator."

Looking behind him, Armstrong was face-to-face with another version of himself, although slimmed down;he was just a regular politician. The two began to gravitate towards each other.

"I have placed the ultimate rule of existence on you, Senator. Goodbye."

Armstrong acted quickly. A green aura surrounded him, and the vehicles present in the alternate dimension surrounded him, creating a shield from the clone. By then supercharging the metal, he disintegrated his double, and then launched the molten steel at Valentine.

What? He was able to bypass the Menger Sponge Paradox? Impossible!

As Valentine travelled through the jacket, Armstrong quickly followed him, grabbing onto him. Both came back to the main world, and Armstrong drop-kicked Valentine through the mud road. The rain had stopped, and the area was completely flat; nowhere to sandwich between now.

Armstrong lifted Valentine's body into the air by his neck. D4C barraged Armstrong's chest, only for them to clang against the hardened skin.

"Nowhere for you to run off to now, Valentine. It's about time I send you to Hell, you chicken-shit asshole!"

However, before Armstrong could finish off Valentine, a pulsating light began emitting from the Speedwagon Foundation vehicle; the Holy Corpse was beating, and Valentine's Heart was resonating with it.

"Now what-"

Armstrong and Valentine were sucked into the jacket, which lay battered and torn on the ground. Gyro saw this, and turned to Jotaro.

"This looks like my ticket home. Thanks for help, Jotaro. It's time for me to kick Valentine's ass once and for all!"

"Good grief. Good luck, Gyro Zeppeli."

The men nodded to each other, and Gyro followed the duo through the gap of light. When he entered, the light once again vanished; perhaps to never be seen again.

...

Valentine, dazed, quickly gathered himself to observe his surroundings. He saw the train, the pale orange sky, the Philadelphia coastline...

"It appears that I'm back in my time. Which means..."

Valentine ran over to the train to confirm his suspicion, and as he did, a ray of light sprung from the open train door, and surrounded the president.

"Once more, D4C has progressed to a higher level!"

Valentine turned to Armstrong, who had finally recovered from the dimensional travel. He didn't even pay attention to his surroundings; he lasered onto Valentine.

"It's time we end this!"

"Indeed."

Armstrong ran at Valentine, who remained still, completely calm. As he threw a supercharged punch at Valentine, it seemed to slip right by him, and Armstrong lost his balance. Turning back, he saw a vision of a building suddenly catching fire.

"Another one of your tricks? Don't even try it!"

Armstrong ripped the ground, and using his chunk, threw it right at Valentine. It disappeared into thin air, and Armstrong saw a split vision of a beggar breaking his neck as he tripped.

"This is the power that will allow America to prosper forever, Senator. Love Train will redirect all misfortune away from me and the country. You have lost."

D4C suddenly sprang outside of the light, and at its maximum speed, cut Armstrong's throat. He began to bleed out, but his body regenerated. All that was left was a small cut.

"Nice try, but I've had worse injuries on the field. Try again."

"That was all I needed."

Suddenly, a black swirl manifested at Armstrong's injury, and travelled straight to his heart. He was completely helpless as the mark cut into his heart.

"Dojyaaan!"

Armstrong's knees buckled, and he found himself looking up at Valentine.

"Your actions shall be forgotten by history, Senator. I have taken the first napkin, and shall ensure this country prospers for eternity."

Looking back, Armstrong saw Gyro helping Johnny onto Slow Dancer; he was teaching him Lesson 5, and furthering the Infinite Rotation.

"It's impossible, Gyro! The terrain is too rigid; we can't get the horse to move right."

"Dammit, Johnny, we have to try! This is the only way to bypass his ability!"

Bypass his ability

"Hey, you two! What do you guys need to defeat this shitstain?"

"Begone, barbarian!"

Valentine lunged outside Love Train with D4C, but Armstrong caught his arm; the president couldn't move.

"We need completely flat terrain! Can you do that?"

A wicked smile appeared on Armstrong's face, a dark, red fire burning in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah... oh, you sure bet I can!"

Using all of his strength, Armstrong struck the ground with maximum energy output, and the terrain turned glass-like under the pressure; the terrain was completely flattened.

"You two... I don't care what your plans are... but you have conviction! You've dragged yourself through on your own path! Fought for what you believe in! Show this asshole what it means to be truly free!"

Armstrong's body turned to ash, and faded away with the wind.

"I don't know who you were... but I won't waste your opportunity."

Gyro tapped Johnny's shoulder, as they were both on Slow Dancer.

"I think we have our terrain Johnny. It's time we settle this."

"Right!"

The horse reached the galloping speed needed for the infinite rotation, and the duo shared the stirrups to channel the energy through their bodies.

"D4C! Retreat into the light!"

Gyro threw his steel ball, and Johnny shot his nail. Instantly, Ball Breaker and Tusk Act 4 manifested, tearing through Love Train like it didn't even exist. After an onslaught of attacks, Valentine's body was spun into molecular dust.

"Where were you this whole time, Gyro? I almost died!"

"It's a long story, Johnny. While I do that, why don't you say we go win this race?"

"Right!"

The two friends began the final legs of the Steel Ball Run race, and as they rode on, Gyro couldn't help but think about the man who had helped them.

I don't know who you were, but... thank you. And to all those from the future I met... I truly wouldn't be here without you all.

The shortest path truly was the detour.

The winner is >!Funny Valentine!<. Post-match analysis in the comments.

r/JojoPowerscaling

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