u/DeliberatelyAnon_

27M

My partner (25F) has just recently moved in with me to the 1 bedroom unit that I own, we've been together for a bit over a year now and things have been going well.

She was previously renting a place where her bills were an abysmal amount and after crunching the numbers, drafting up budgets/expenses etc, we were able to map out that if she moved in, we would be able to have some pretty ample savings both together and separately to put towards some goals of ours (hobbies, travel etc), so it seemed like a no brainer, plus it felt like the right step after a trial run and some time pondering it.

It's been an adjustment period physically as it's a small 1 bedroom place that's fairly narrow and won't fit everything she owns (we have a storage unit rented to compensate), so while it works out for now, it's definitely not intended to be a forever home (especially for starting a family when ready).

By chance, we stumbled across an open house nearby for a slightly bigger place that was very desirable as it's in the same area that we're in (close to our workplaces, shops etc) and we decided we would suss it out and speak to a few people about it but not get our hopes up about being able to get it.

Here's where it gets tricky, my mum and her are pretty close now and have been discussing the prospect of buying more property down the line, this is my mum's bread and butter, she has lots of experience in terms of home ownership and investment properties, she's even the one that helped paved the way for me being a homeowner which I'll always be thankful for.

For further context, we live in Brisbane, Australia - where house prices have been soaring as of late and there's this notion they're operating under that if my partner doesn't break into the housing market sooner than later, she's going to be locked out of doing so in the future as costs continue to rise.

So she spoke with a mortgage broker and it was recommended because I already own my place, I'm considered "at capacity" in terms of my borrowing range so it was deemed a better route if she tries to buy a bigger place in her name only for us to move into together, there's also a first home buyer grant that she wouldn't be able to get unless done otherwise.

Unfortunately we also found out that the listed price on this place we were looking at was well above her borrowing capacity. So we took that as a sign to sit on things for a bit and move ahead with the original plan to get a good safety net under us savings wise.

We relayed this information to my mum and she and my partner continued to have a back and forth in our group chat where that plan of ours felt like it was once again overtaken to try and break her into the housing market as soon as possible by trying to find something in her price range, because apparently even if we save more or we work on our income, it won't be enough to combat the projected increases if we wait too long. Since then they've both been calling various real estate agencies, relaying info back and forth and really going a million miles a minute as if it's life or death.

While I'm supportive of the prospect and definitely want to keep all options open, it feels like the dust hasn't even settled on this recent move and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the constant talk of property that's been occurring as of late, we're out of town atm on what's supposed to be a small holiday for one of her best friend's weddings and even then it's felt non-stop with the property talk and the back and forth coordinating between her and my mum and the parties being reached out to.

We had this list of goals set up in terms of how we're going to save for all these things, even putting money aside to make renovations on my/our current place and now it kinda feels like the carpets being dragged from under all of it now that they're driven by this apparent time crunch to lock in another place.

Because the prices have been high here, she's even been lightly floating the idea of looking at other cities to live in like my hometown (13 hours away) as prices are more affordable (I've made it clear I have no interest in uprooting my life to another city/state at the given time).

She's given me assurances that our means to save and the previous budgets have drawn up can still work even if we do end up moving into a larger place, and that she obviously won't move ahead with anything unless I'm also onboard, she's been amazing at talking issues through with me and understands where I'm coming from but she's expressed she's worried on the other end that if we don't start laying this groundwork out now, she'll never be able to lock in with me as a homeowner which I can definitely understand too.

But I can't help but feel a lot of pressure from this situation and I really hate the fear mongering that's been produced from my mum and all the parties involved with their reading on the current housing market. I'm not saying it's wrong (truth be told I don't know enough to say otherwise) and I know for a fact that my mum is only looking out for us ultimately and always has been, but it just really makes me feel pigeon-holed, especially coming off the tale end of this move which was quite laborous for both of us already.

AITAH for feeling this way or for wanting take more more a breather with this? I recognise I'm the more privileged one here with a place already under my name so I can't help but wonder if I'm just being some flavour or lazy or selfish and should just suck it up for the time being for the betterment of both of us.

EDIT: Just to make things a little clearer, we also moved in together because we love each other and want to grow a future together, I mentioned the financial reasons primarily to paint a picture of how I felt it conflicted with this change in trajectory that could happen, but obviously we wouldn't have pulled this trigger together if we weren't also happy and in love.