Did I accidentally make a Tulpa named Tonto?
TL:DR My consciousness appears to be a huge wall built and maintained by my "accidental Tulpa" named Tonto (no relation to The Lone Ranger)
I remember reading a pretty good creepypasta about Tulpas a long time ago (2003-6, probably) but I did not know the term was borrowed from Tibetan Buddhism. I figured it was just a cool-sounding gibberish word, and I assumed it was a rebranding of the old Golem story.
Recently learned about Alexandra David Neel and the story of the "jolly monk." Which reminded me of my own "jolly monk," named Tonto-- he is *not* jolly, but to call him a monk would seem accurate.
I feel like I first interacted with him -- in his most rudimentary form -- as a child of about 7. He was an internal presence that lacked form or a voice but his presence offered comfort and solace in times of stress. Overtime, he began to take up self-appointed tasks inside my mind. This sounds invasive but it felt necessary -- like preventative maintenance -- and I thought of it as "defragging."
The funny thing is, I was only aware of him during unfocused/relaxed moments (DMN or default mode network), and only peripherally.
Around the beginning of December 2020 he abruptly became self-aware. At which point I became *directly* aware of him. This is when I learned his name and appearance. Thus opened a very strange 6 or so months of us conversing, making agreements and learning about each other (and ourselves). There was some conflict involved.
His name is Tonto (a mononym). He looks like Samurai Jack crossed with Tarzan (Disney film). When he speaks, he sounds... pretty much exactly like Samurai Jack. He doesn't speak much. I don't know where he came from and I don't think he does either -- or he doesn't want to tell me. He does *not* like The Lone Ranger and does *not* want to be compared to "THAT fucking Tonto."
He generally wears a loincloth and a magical over-the-shoulder bag -- magical because it endlessly supplies bricks and mortar. Everywhere he goes, he carries a drywaller's hawk and a parging trowel (specialized tools). Side-note regarding his garb: I wish he would wear a shirt, because as far as I can tell, he does not have nipples, a belly-button or body hair -- I AM grateful for the loincloth, though.
His favorite expression is "Tonto build wall." Because that's his whole deal. He has built -- or, at least is the curator of -- an enormous wall that exists inside me.
This wall is infinitely large and infinitely varied: it is definitely alive, though I don't think it is conscious. As far as I can tell, I am the power source. And the wall contains everything I have experienced, thought of, or known. There is a copy of Earth, which contains copies of everything I am aware of -- it is quite detailed but laughably wrong about most things, *especially* weather patterns! There is even a copy of a black hole. Perceiving it is very unpleasant for both of us-- enough that I suspect it could damage my psyche -- so it is on a short list of things I now call cognito-hazards.
Anyways, this post got really long and I don't want to share any more about Tonto without his permission. He doesn't really like being perceived for long periods of time, and has valid concerns about his privacy and safety. If you made it this far, thanks from both of us.