My friend of 10+ years finally admitted he likes me and immediately started malfunctioning. What would you do?
I (mid 20s F) have been in the same friendship group as this guy (mid 20s M) since school. We’ve always been friends but I moved abroad for a few years and only moved back home around 3 months ago. Weirdly, when I came back for a visit last year, we spent loads of time together one on one and I didn’t even have feelings for him then. I just genuinely loved being around him because he’s one of the funniest people I know and we have this really easy dynamic where we can spend hours together doing absolutely nothing and it still feels fun.
He’s also VERY inexperienced with girls. Like genuinely awkward/nervous around them and not someone who dates much at all. I’m pretty sure he could even be a virgin honestly. He’s not even my normal type which is why this whole thing has caught me so off guard.
Once I moved home properly, we started hanging out constantly. Gym together, pub, random weekday stuff. He became one of the people I saw most. Over time there started being really obvious tension between us. Long eye contact, constant teasing etc. I slowly developed feelings without really meaning to.
A few weeks ago we had a moment where we nearly kissed and after that he COMPLETELY panicked and ghosted me for like 3 weeks. It genuinely hurt because he wasn’t just some random guy I liked, he was one of my closest friends and I missed the friendship side more than anything. The worst part was losing the ease we had. Before this, I could literally just call him up and invite myself along to his plans or he'd invite himself.
Then a couple weeks ago we were at the pub with his older brother’s friend and a few other people (none of our close mutual friends were there. His brother’s friend basically called us out asking why we’d never dated because apparently the tension between us was “painfully obvious”. He left us alone together and this guy finally admitted he thought I didn’t like him and that he’d ignored me because he got scared and thought he didn’t have a chance. He ended up asking me if I’d go on a date with him and I basically said “obviously yes you idiot” because I’d been hinting for weeks at that point.
That night he fully opened up for the first time. Told me he’d thought I was attractive for years, liked me for ages, would “treat me differently now”, had a date planned etc. The next morning he actually messaged sober which shocked me because I expected him to completely retreat again once the alcohol wore off. Tge same the next night we werent together but he was messaging me saying nice things.
But since then Over text he becomes avoidant and inconsistent. Goes days with no replies. He’s now not messaged me for almost 2 weeks. BUT in person he acts completely differently. This weekend we watched a friend run a race with our friendship group and he spent half the day weirdly over-teasing me in front of everyone to the point multiple people were asking why he was being so mean to me. But then when everyone got off the train and we had literally 2 minutes alone together, he was suddenly finding excuses to touch me, leaning into me, and when we got off the train he literally guided me off by my waist.
This is what’s driving me insane. I genuinely don’t think the issue is whether he likes me anymore because physically and in person it feels VERY obvious that he does. But emotionally he seems to completely freak out once things become real and we’re apart again.
And I’ve genuinely tried to make this easy for him because I KNOW he’s awkward and probably panicking internally. I’ve sent casual low-pressure messages, tried to keep things normal, not forced big emotional conversations etc. But there’s only so many times a girl can get ignored before it starts properly hurting you know?
I also think the “inexperienced with girls” thing matters a lot here because he genuinely seems terrified of vulnerability and emotional pressure. But at the same time, almost 2 weeks of no messaging is objectively awful behaviour, especially considering we were supposed to be close friends first and foremost before any feelings got involved.
Honestly I think the reason this hurts so much is because underneath the romantic feelings, I genuinely miss my friend. Before all this happened, everything between us felt easy and safe and now every interaction feels emotionally loaded and confusing.
I genuinely don’t know what to do at this point because part of me feels like he’s just an emotionally avoidant awkward guy who’s panicking because things got real, and another part of me is like… okay but at some point you still have to communicate with me like an adult??
Ughhh I just really miss my friend and he's unintentionally driving me CRAZY for him by being so inconsistent.