u/Delicious_Pea8424

Uhm hey! I just want to ask a simple question — how is the “izzat” (dignity) of a girl measured? How do people measure it? Is it by looks, clothing, college scores, the amount of property owned, a job, a polite voice, skin tone, or the amount of speaking… like what? How do we get points, and on what basis? And how do we know how many points we’ve scored till now? How do we know how many points everyone else has scored? And why do I have to score points to have izzat in society? Why do I even want validation from other people?

If I’m honest with myself and love myself, then why should I seek validation from others?

My parents ruined me for their so-called izzat. They always kept me locked inside the house, saying that good girls from prestigious families don’t go outside, don’t talk to anyone, don’t have friends, and don’t raise their voices, otherwise they lose their own and their family’s izzat in society. They say, “Beti ghar ki izzat hoti hai” (daughters are the pride of the family), so I did everything they said.

Now I feel like a stupid girl in this era of intelligence. I couldn’t learn any skills other than school studies. I wanted to learn taekwondo, but my father said the trainer was male, so he denied it. Then I found a female trainer through the internet and told my father about her, but he said there would still be male students there. “What will people say? You are taking classes with boys? Talking to boys? What izzat will be left in society?” And obviously, it was a denial again.

I can’t even talk to anyone because of these restrictions, and now I go totally blank even while talking to my cousins because I never got the chance to learn how to interact with people. I’m afraid of stepping outside my house — partly because of my family’s izzat, and partly because I haven’t been outside properly for a very long time.

My school was regular and yes, it was co-ed, but I was only allowed to study there because my brother was in the same class as me. He always made sure that no boy interacted with me. My father often asked him about my interactions with boys, but he never asked me about my brother’s interactions with girls.

I was an introvert at school, so I don’t have friends, not even girls. I couldn’t live a proper college life because my father said that boys are grown-up in colleges, so they didn’t let me attend college regularly. I only go to write my exams and come straight back home.

My tongue often twists when I speak because it was never trained properly through interaction, and sometimes I start stuttering while talking. I’m scared when people, even my cousins, say “hi” to me because I was never allowed to interact with them either. According to my family, good girls from prestigious families don’t talk to any male other than their father and brother before marriage, and after marriage, only the in-laws are added to that list. Apparently, I’m supposed to earn izzat points by doing this.

I don’t have the courage to say “no” to my father or anyone else. I’m not brave enough to speak for myself. They will probably force me into marriage, but I don’t want that, and I don’t even know how to tell them because I have no guts.

Till now, having a family was enough for me. But in the future, I want to live alone, without a family - not even my parents or siblings. I’m done living this worthless life of constant sacrifice. I don’t want izzat from society anymore, and I also don’t want to be the izzat of anyone else.

I don’t want to live here anymore. I just want to run away from this house, but again - I don’t even have the courage to do that.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S IZZAT

What should I do? any suggestions?

Uhm hey! I just want to ask a simple question — how is the “izzat” (dignity) of a girl measured? How do people measure it? Is it by looks, clothing, college scores, the amount of property owned, a job, a polite voice, skin tone, or the amount of speaking… like what? How do we get points, and on what basis? And how do we know how many points we’ve scored till now? How do we know how many points everyone else has scored? And why do I have to score points to have izzat in society? Why do I even want validation from other people?

If I’m honest with myself and love myself, then why should I seek validation from others?

My parents ruined me for their so-called izzat. They always kept me locked inside the house, saying that good girls from prestigious families don’t go outside, don’t talk to anyone, don’t have friends, and don’t raise their voices, otherwise they lose their own and their family’s izzat in society. They say, “Beti ghar ki izzat hoti hai” (daughters are the pride of the family), so I did everything they said.

Now I feel like a stupid girl in this era of intelligence. I couldn’t learn any skills other than school studies. I wanted to learn taekwondo, but my father said the trainer was male, so he denied it. Then I found a female trainer through the internet and told my father about her, but he said there would still be male students there. “What will people say? You are taking classes with boys? Talking to boys? What izzat will be left in society?” And obviously, it was a denial again.

I can’t even talk to anyone because of these restrictions, and now I go totally blank even while talking to my cousins because I never got the chance to learn how to interact with people. I’m afraid of stepping outside my house — partly because of my family’s izzat, and partly because I haven’t been outside properly for a very long time.

My school was regular and yes, it was co-ed, but I was only allowed to study there because my brother was in the same class as me. He always made sure that no boy interacted with me. My father often asked him about my interactions with boys, but he never asked me about my brother’s interactions with girls.

I was an introvert at school, so I don’t have friends, not even girls. I couldn’t live a proper college life because my father said that boys are grown-up in colleges, so they didn’t let me attend college regularly. I only go to write my exams and come straight back home.

My tongue often twists when I speak because it was never trained properly through interaction, and sometimes I start stuttering while talking. I’m scared when people, even my cousins, say “hi” to me because I was never allowed to interact with them either. According to my family, good girls from prestigious families don’t talk to any male other than their father and brother before marriage, and after marriage, only the in-laws are added to that list. Apparently, I’m supposed to earn izzat points by doing this.

I don’t have the courage to say “no” to my father or anyone else. I’m not brave enough to speak for myself. They will probably force me into marriage, but I don’t want that, and I don’t even know how to tell them because I have no guts.

Till now, having a family was enough for me. But in the future, I want to live alone, without a family - not even my parents or siblings. I’m done living this worthless life of constant sacrifice. I don’t want izzat from society anymore, and I also don’t want to be the izzat of anyone else.

I don’t want to live here anymore. I just want to run away from this house, but again - I don’t even have the courage to do that.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S IZZAT

What should I do? any suggestions?