I want to tell my mom that I see my mother in law as a mom, too, but I'm afraid she'll get jealous or scared of her being a "replacement"
I love my momma and she'll always be the most important mom ever! Who brought me life, a warm home, played with me, laughed with me, comforted me, and protected me. But 3 years ago, I met my boyfriend's mom, and even when we have had our moments, I always saw her as another parental figure, sort of like another mom, too. She was there for me on most hard times, has given great advice, taught me the basics of driving, and let me and my boyfriend stay at her house, until we were able to get on our feet after graduating high school. I feel as if she has dedicated a lot to me as much as my mom has dedicated a lot to me as well. This is something I've told my mother in law and even then she said she always saw me as her daughter (in law). And that she has no intentions trying to take me from my mom. Just from that alone I feel like that should convince my mom enough to agree that they're both in this together for me. I want to tell my mom how I feel about her as my mother in law and that I want them to work together to help me pick my wedding dress for me and my boyfriend's marriage in future (somewhere around our mid or late 20's. Were 19 rn), but she's so competitive and thinks EVERYONE needs to respect her which puts a strain on my mother in law attempting to be friends with her. Plus, she wasn't the type to make friends or be friends with the parents of my old friends. Even though there are times where they would talk on the phone or even in person, my mom tends to stand her ground, thinks she's always right, and assumes she hears negative about her or me. So easily offended. I try not to fully blame her since throughout her childhood to adulthood, every friend or partner she's ever had would laugh at her behind her back, lie to her face, and even insult her. That's why she keeps her guard up even now. THAT'S why she thinks she's standing up for me when really it doesn't bother me or isn't a problem. And telling her that I see her and my mother in law as equals would make her feel insulted since she believes nobody can be as equally as good of a mom as she is when they literally both have their flaws. Point is, me and my mother in law would really want to see a friendship happen with my mom but even if my mom doesn't want a friendship, I want them to at least work together knowing how much they both mean to me and I want them to continue to both want the best for me, make me happy and a help me have wonderful wedding.